COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
12.08.08
Mornin, jerks. You’re in luck this week, because I get to give away something cool again. It’s Louis C.K.’s brand new DVD, Chewed Up, which will be available in stores next Tuesday. Louis C.K. is a great stand-up, plus, if you watch Louis C.K.’s new material today, you get a sneak preview of Dane Cook’s material a few years from now (zing!).
As always, the way this works is, when a commenter makes a comment worthy of recognition, nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of this post. I’ll pick the winner from among the nominees next Sunday/Monday.
Before I start the runners-up roundup, I’d like to direct your attention to last week’s Gary Busey and Danny Trejo-related posts, if only to point out that there’s no way I could recognize all the funny comments. Let’s begin with some gems courtesy of Pauly Dangerously:
[Busey post] Pauly Dangerously says, “Gary Busey won a staring contest over the phone.”
[Trejo post] Pauly Dangerously says, “Danny Trejo’s Che started the revolution by drinking an entire bottle of tequila.”
From the David Fincher is a Dick post:
Honor Amongst Nintendogs says, “Fincher felt that Goldwyn was taking Project Mayhem too far.”
Elsewhere, it was a good week for Chodin:
[From the Greasy Sax Dude (Timmy Capello) post]: Chodin says, “As far as Timmy Cappello is concerned, Peter Frampton had the right idea – ‘Wait a f-cking minute: you can play the guitar AND stick it in your mouth? Hubba-hubba.’”
[From the Gary Busey post] Chodin says, “Gary Busey once stabbed his arm all the way through a cereal box and was convinced that his dick was the prize.”
[From the Adrien Brody Makes Out with Beyoncé post] Chodin says, “If Adrien Brody ever leaned in to French kiss me, I’d probably just assume that he was about to barf dead worms down my hatch.”
From the Tina Fey Explains Her Scar post:
“The Mighty Feklahr wonders why Edward James Olmos never told the story about the cheese grater that asked him for directions?”
From the Colin Hanks Gives Me the Douche Chills post:
Crapbasket says, “Is, ‘The douche chills’ like, ‘The dude abides’ but for Brett Ratner in riposte?”
Good one. Even though I had to look up ‘riposte’. But while we’re on the subject of Ratner bashing…
Burnsy, in the Che movie thread says, “Brett Ratner is also releasing a 4-hour epic, but the second half is titled, ‘etos.’”
And finally, THE WINNER IS – Donkey Hodey, who week in week out, does a lot of the funny lifting in the FilmDrunk comments section. And last week, he was especially on. Here’s a sampling:
[From the "He Hearts Ray Liotta post"] Donkey Hodey says, “Ray Liotta’s face has been maced before. No, not the spray.” [Editor's Note: Get it? He means this kind of mace. Because Ray Liotta has pock marks, you see...]
[From the Street Fighter pictures post] Donkey Hodey says, “The only people who ever used Chun-Li were eight-year old girls and guys who grew up to be furries.”
[From the Danny Trejo/Che post] Donkey Hodey says, “Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara didn’t engage in guerilla warfare, but he did beat his chest a bunch and eat bananas.”
[From the Sets of Rome Were Destroyed post] Donkey Hodey says, “So, I take it the sets would take more than a day to put back together?”
So congratulations to Donk, and thanks to everyone who took the time to comment and everyone who took the time to nominate comments.

Also: To anyone who sent me shit over the weekend – don’t think I’m a dick if I didn’t respond, I was out of town and didn’t bring my laptop so I had 100 some emails in my inbox. Anyway, thanks for stretching my box out you jerks.
Al has the same problem.
There’s something kinda awesome about “DANNY TREJO, DONKEY HODEY, GARY BUSEY.”
Woo! Thanks. I take it you still have my address from this weekend?
Good job Donk. We’ll be able to sample the shit out of that for funny drops to use in the show when Crappy steps on his dick.
{steps on dick, hits head on coffee table, spills hot coffe on face, throws up down own pants}
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=7091#comments
Token Black Guy says:
Mock him if you must but taking a boll movement while on a toilet boll while having a chick boll-ow you is one of the greatest joys in life. You never forget your first boll-umpkin.
7091 (Uwe Boll Spends has Luke Perry in his new movie)
Chodin 90210′s my dick:
With $5 million, Luke Perry could buy a new facial expression.
7096, and this is why I continue to worship JHC:
If that award wasn’t presented by Yahoo Serious, the Australians are Dead2Me.
BTW, I see what you did up there ^^ Burnsy, and I’ll get you back. See you in Buffalo, suckah. You gotta sleep sometime.
7101 – Just because I came back from lunch drunk, doesn’t make this less funny sober (or does it?)… Sexy Bexy:
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Michael J. Fox is to staying fucking still.
7105, falling into the category of things that shouldn’t make me laugh yet do, Chodin makes me feel all warm and fuzzy with:
Any movie can be 3-D if in the middle of the second act you punch your date in the face.
7105
Crapbasket-
Banner pic cap: Jimmy the Gerbil takes it in the ass for the fist time.
I could’ve fixed the spelling, but then it wouldn’t smell like Crappy’s work.
7105 – Fine. I said I wasn’t going to have another Donkey orgyfest but fuck that, this actually made me cry:
If the plunger in my bathroom is an alien, then we’ve got a mutually beneficial relationship going on. He helps me after eating Mexican Food and, in return, I jerk him off.
Since Al broke the seal.
Second Donk’s plunger post.
7127 (9 Year old is just smart enough for Fox)
Robopanda responds to the line “it is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry” with this:
My grandma is apparently a supermodel.
7127
JHC says:
At 9, I knew how to talk to girls.
“Cootie face!” “You’re gross!” “Close your fucking legs, it smells like fish in here!”
7127 (a true playah)
JHC says:
I don’t know about talking to girls at 9, but I could get 45 extra men on Super Mario Brothers with my eyes closed.
From 7127
Pauly Dangerously says:
When I was nine, I was trying to get the babysitter to walk in on me beating off.
From 7127 (fat kid), JHC steals my heart and my TV with:
When I was 9, I was the fastest kid in my class. When I was 10, LeShawn Williams moved here. Bastard.
7130 The ghost of Murray present
Easily the best (creepiest) mental picture of the day
Fek:
The Mighty Feklahr does something similar, but to frightened shoppers in the panties aisle of Super Wal Mart.
Big second for Fek and his panty parties
7141 (Black Bond)
Pauly D. knows what tickles my taint-
Lebron James Bond prefers his Old English chilled, not stirred
7141 (Bond)
Fuckin’ Donk-
The first Lebron James Bond movie will be called Dr. Hell Naw.
7141 *slow clap*
ChinoMoreno says:
They should cast R. Kelly in The Man With the Golden Shower.
7141 (Black Bond)
Fek:
Lebron James Bond doesn’t fight “Jaws”, he fights “Grillz”.
And Chino:
They should cast R. Kelly in The Man With the Golden Shower.
Third Chino.
Damn and Fek beat me too Chino’s potty party.
Second.
I second all the noms for me.
7141 Donk HAHA
Black Clark Kent always checks the coin return slot in the phonebooths where he changes into costume.
7150 again, I have no idea what makes this funny, but Chodin could probably charm the pants off me with a raised eyebrow:
I’ll admit it: I’m guilty of using the “as lovely as honey” line on chicks, but in my defense, I’m usually covering them with fire ants at the same time.
7150 (hindu hottie)
Stone Soup-
If your Dojo doubles as a call center, you might be a Hindu Kung Fu Fighter.
I’m seconding Soup’s call center post for Al, because her computer is Canadian or something.
7156
funny cause it’s true
Chodin
I heard a rumor that if you can get Kris Kristofferson onto his back, he’ll instantly fall asleep.
Maybe too violent for you pussies, but I have to give it up to Chodin for:
Jessica Biel Strips thread
December 9th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
chodin says:
If you stab Jessica Biel in the stomach, she bleeds giggles and cuteness.
Comment of the Millenia
7156
Stinky Peet says:
I think they called this Powder Blue because the effect of watching Jessica Biel strip is the same as if you ground up Viagra and snorted it through a straw.
I registered just for the opportunity to second Stinky’s Viagra comment. Holy crap.
In 7192, Rot pokes around with:
These studio jackasses are just hoping they’ll be able to cut the velvet rope and be first for the anal probes.
7192 (Beaming The Day The Earth Stood Still to Space)
Stinky Peet:
If he gives his typical performance, the aliens will probably assume that Keanu is portraying a character named “The Earth”.
7230 Pauly
I play African Roulette which is basically going up to black guys and saying “Sup my niggas! HOLLA!”
I gotta’ squirt jizz at Pauly’s 7230.
7234
Chode takes a well placed swipe at a couple of my compatriots.
chodin says:
“It must be difficult for Ryan Reynolds to act the part of a dude who falls for a hot chick, when in real life his track record includes Alanis Morissette.
I’m rather have one hand in my pocket and then other one holding a Donny Osmond headshot.”
thread 7061
Stone Soup says:
The fight actually broke out because Jones rudely assumed he could simply walk up and use the only pool table in South Dakota without proof of residency.
thread 7091
chodin says:
With $5 million, Luke Perry could buy a new facial expression.
thread 7230
Pauly Dangerously says:
This Ruffalo has wings now.
thread 7234
Crapbasket says:
I thought the test tickle festival is when they did a QC check on all the Tickle Me Elmos.
{Looks with concern at tickets to event bought for daughter}
7238 (Sasquatch Assault)
Robopanda:
Tagline:
You ain’t seen nothing yeti.
7181 Chodin says what I have always been thinking because we pillow-talk ALL THE TIME!:
TRUE STORY: I used to know a kid who talks like Christian Bale.
also a TRUE STORY: That kid talks that way because when he was ten he drove a snowmobile through a barbwire fence.
The banner pic looks like it’s censored and supposed to say “LOUIS COCK”.
7249 (Kirk Lazarus for the Oscar)
This may not work out of the context of the comments he’s been making today, but fuck if it didn’t make me laugh and that’s what counts, right? Wright?! WRITE?!?
Burnsy:
I trust the Academy to make the right decision. After all, they voted for Shakespeare In Love and that movie was full of whimsy.
Also, I fail at HTML. Fuck you.
In 7258 (The Beaver), Eibz breast strokes with:
Is “Butter” the Michael Phelps story?
I don’t get it.
Donkey Hodey gets my morning off right with this one on 7258 (Black List scripts):
The story of ‘The Oranges’ revolves around a man who walks around with a Mexican immigrant, treating it as something close to a human creature with human feelings.
He’s the male version of a butterface.
Second Eibz Phelps butter. Seriously, what is wrong with that boy?
witty nickname with the joke bomb on 7285 (Butt Poster):
Odette Yustman is what George Takei says when asked what is hiding under his covers.
Wow. I just got that – holy crap! Second.
7306 Madea Goes to Jail
Just Like Every Other Black PersonCraptastical says – Why in the fuck my employer would choose to have the administrative xmas party, at a cuntry klub, with an open bar, on a Wednesday, and expect me not to get violently drunk and kill a cabbie to dodge a fare, BTK the stripper I hired as arm candy, throw her into a dumpster and light it on fire, then show up 4 hours late to work…
…is beyond me.
So simple, so succinct, Jack! bets he can make you laugh in 7 words or less. (He cheated with a contraction.) 7306 – Blacks in Jail
Frankly Madea, I don’t give a damn.
7346
Dr. Steve Brule says:
Know what goes best with techno-music? Violent ass-sex.
7353 (The Ratz in The Village Barbershop)
Burnsy takes my turn:
Meanwhile, Shelly Long will star in The Village Bicycle.
7367-
I don’t know if this is a winnable comment, but it sure as fuck tickled my Elmo.
Pauly making fun of the fact that Juan was actually a spectator during the Spanish-American War.
Juan, you can Filmdrunk from your Jitterbug?
It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with Mexican on Mexican crime. Right?
7238
Donkey Hodey says:
Sasquatch’s first order of business once getting into the city was heading straight to Glamour Shots to get some decent non-fuzzy pictures taken for this year’s Christmas Card.
7276
Patty Boots says:
And if wearing fat suits gets you awards now, the Oscars owe Tracy Jordan an apology for snubbing Honkey Grandma be Trippin’.
7332
Burnsy says:
“This guy gets you when you’re most vulnerable, in your sleep.”
The Scoutmaster, starring Kevin Spacey.
7353
Donkey Hodey says:
The Village Barbershop, where you can get your hair cut by an indian, a cop, a construction worker, a naval officer, or a biker.
7353
Burnsy says:
What is one movie that has never been in my kitchen?
7367
Crapbasket says:
I can think of about six Drunkettes that would like to have “…a Jackman insider…”
7379 (Pussy Purses)
Stone Soup plays on my love for interspecies erotica:
Whatever you do, avoid spilling white paint down the center of your new black purse. The French dude with the skunk attache will be all over you.
7379 Fleabag handbags
Chino put on her galoshes and shoved one up my ass with-
After the success of her pussy purses, she is now expanding her business and is looking for a beaver weaver.
7379 Pussy Purses, Stone Soup hits it outta the park w/ 2 gems
ohai – I in ur purz, holdin ur stuffz
and
Whatever you do, avoid spilling white paint down the center of your new black purse. The French dude with the skunk attache will be all over you.
7391
bamitsthemac says:
The concept of having the dog die in a rom-com that opens on Christmas Day almost had me wanting to see this, for the sole reason that I imagined the last scene of the movie is Owen Wilson backing out of the driveway and you hear the Bu-BUMP! And then Wilson looks at the camera in a “Ain’t I a Stinker” face while trumpets play “Wha Whaaaa” and then fade to black.
yeah . . . that’d be awesome
-AND-
Jacktion! says:
Her dog doesn’t die, it runs away and gets taken in by Angelina Jolie.
I love this reference, although I prefer Glassjaw:
7359
Burnsy says:
The picture on the right was actually an album cover for Nic Cage’s band, Forehead Automatica.
Keets, I love Glassjaw and you.
Why thank you!
Yeah, super duper second on Jack’s Jolie comment. I also would like to nom Leon’s Marley & Me first comment, but I’m way too hungover to do anything right now.