Guess what’s getting a reboot? Judge Dredd. Sadly, they probably won’t cast Stallone again. But fret not, because I’m including below the awesomest 80s pictures of Sylvester Stallone. [AICN]
Screenjunkies counts down the 15 weirdest Jeff Goldblum moments. I’d like to see Jeff Goldblum vs. Crispin Glover Thunderdome. Weapon of choice? Mind lasers. [Screenjunkies]
Naomi Watts is 40?! Holy hell. Oh well, here’s to you, you epic Hollywood cougar you. This boner’s a newborn. [HolyTaco]
Jack Ryan is also back. The Tom Clancy hero previously played by Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck will be back… and if recent trends are any indication, probably played by Shia Labeouf. New nickname: Jackie Four Fingers. [Hollywood Reporter]
Fox is developing a “werewolf dramedy” about “a quartet of female friends in NY who are werewolves.” It’s called Bitches. I swear to Michael J. Fox I did not make any of that up. Clearly they stole the idea from the “Gee, honey, wax much?” scene in Sex in the City. [THR]
New Inglourious Basterds set photos include faux old French movie posters. Awesome, looks just like a yuppie’s apartment. Where’s the one with the monkey drinking wine? The Martini & Rossi lady in the white dress? OMG, you have those? You’re so artsy! [/Film]
First poster for Will Ferrell’s Land of the Lost is… uninspired. This is the poster equivalent of a courtesy handjob that keeps asking you if it has to keep going. [Cinematical]
Atom’s Holiday Gift Guide. Might I suggest the David Hasselhoff gift card? I can’t believe that’s real. Wait, no, yes I can. [Atom]
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Bitches? They should call it Hairy _unts and they should all have brothers and sisters with children.
Naomi Watts has been added to the 2009 class of the Hollywood Cougar Hall of Fame and will be honored with a performance by 2006 Cougar HOF inductee, Belinda Carlisle.
Courtesy Handjob is my Indian name.
That Seagal Scarf had better turn into a pair of nunchucks….
They could get P-Diddy to play Jack Ryan, maybe he’d shut the fuck up about playing black Bond.
Wow! I didn’t know Sly was cool with Dikembe Mutumbo!
They want to make a Jack Ryan Christmas film, A Clear and Present Manger.
That’s not Shaq. It’s Mugsy Bogues.
I was hoping they’d get Kavin Bacon for the reboot of “The Air Down There”.
I long suspected my ex wife was a werewolf. Turns out she was just a whore.
Stoney-The Mighty Feklahr suspects her fangs were in her vagina, too?
Burnsy if they did that, they’d win an Oscar for the theme song “O’ Sum All Ye Fearful.”
Don’t be silly, Fek – there was no room for fangs with all the other stuff she kept in there.
is steven seagal wearing a bra?
Don’t be silly? Hey, He brings the silly, you guys bring the Cheetos!!! Dor sho gha! BONG!!!!!!!!!!
I like to eat Christmas links with Easter eggs.
“There was no room for fangs with all the other stuff she kept in there.”
Body by lycanthrope, vagina by Jansport.
The braided belt is alive and well on FD!
Then again, getting Cheetos is kind of like a quest on Lord of the Rings Online…you have to go to the Mattress of Solitude and steal from Harry Knowles Cheetos Horde without being detected!
If Harry sees you, he does a hope wipe AND can blast a Dr. Pepper-Fueled attack that does 1700-2100 morale damage in a 10m radius.
Oh, and if you step on the dirty underwear on the floor? Instant defeat.
Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m watching a bunch of wolves and cougars, I’d better be at an NCAA basketball game.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurst
oh wait nevermind i should’ve pressed F5 before declaring a durst
Premature Durst is Bex’s Mayan name.
Banner Pic: And the Mullets Take the Field
Banner Picture: The premiere for “Over The Top” was a really classy affair.
My “bulb” runs on 40 Watts.
The Goldblum link self-dursts because instead of listing the moments and posting screencaps it’s just 15 youtube clips on one page.
I don’t want to call Screenjunkies a bunch of fucking amateurs, but I can have you a toe by 3 o’clock… WITH nail polish.
Sadly, pic #2 is what cause the downfall of Planet Hollywood Cancun.
No more Clancy movies for me, thanks.
“Rear and Pleasant Danger”, with Ben Assfuck as Jack Ulation just seemed an unnecessary cash-in.
I don’t know what the fuck Weird Al Yankovich is doing hanging out with Sylvester Stallone, but that shirt is making me HORNY.
If Jack Ryan isn’t keystering things for the IRA in this movie, I don’t give a rat’s ass.
The problem with picking kids off the street is that you sometimes have to dress them in your clothes; also, they’re more street-wise and are harder to silence.
Ha ha… yeah right, nobody misses homeless kids.
I’m sending Naomi Watts rape for Christmas.
yeah, a werewolf dramedy in which, for a few days every month four chicks go nuts, let themselves get hairy and attack innocent people is really hard to believe.
The third thumbnail pic is proof that JCVD wasn’t acting in Timecop. Nobody tell him though.
Moon, cycle, blood, violent mood swings … this thing writes itself!
Yeah, Hoey… that was the fucking joke.
“Moon, cycle, blood, violent mood swings … this thing writes itself.”
You’ve got a script about schizophrenic biker astronauts, too?!!??! What are the odds of that?
Yeah. It was.
And I fucking killed it.
Sorry, man.
they should make a sitcom about vampires who live in new york but are successfull lawyers during the day, it should be called: Fucking Jews
Jesus Fucking Christ, Tarantino looks like he stuck his head outside of an air lock “just a little”
I have some old-time French movie posters in my basement. It helps settle the hookers before I gut them.
by Kahless’ beard this has been a looooooong and boring day!!
I’m disappointed the John Graziano ash tray isn’t on that gift guide.
Jeff Goldblum is what you’d get if you took Howie Mandel and force-fucked him with Jerry Seinfeld and beat their butt-baby with a shoe for the first ten years of its life.
Hey, Donk, it was the letter C you left out! ahahahahah! hahahah!
Well-played, Eibz. Well-played.
durst
I swear, everytime I look at that banner pic, it looks like Stallone’s shirt says “shart”, then I look closer and am severely disappointed.
That kid is wearing a shirt big enough for Sly to fit in.
But it’s not the kid’s shirt he’s interested in getting in to…
I think that chick’s fly is down.
Made you look! Fuck off.
So I watched the “Gee honey, wax much?” scene and now I want to fuck Gimli from Lord of The Rings. I hope you’re happy.
If there were any more lip in that picture, I’d call it Lisa Rinna.
Chevy: Hey Sly, can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?
Yeah, I used that one already. But when are we gonna see Chevy Chase on here ever again?
Cunts?!! Get it!?
ahhhahahahahhha
Pain meds rock
No, it’s “Aunts”, I swear.
I’m worried about the Dredd remake, but as long as they get an actor who can correctly pronounce the phrase “Jugg, jewry, and eggsacuteshinner” like Sylvester, I’m ok.
I am the law
So does that make your husband an in-law?
in-law, outlaw. in-law, outlaw. in-law, outlaw.
Apologies, Eibmoz, I really don’t know you well enough (or indeed, at all) to be making such remarks. But it is my sworn duty to make unfunny “in-out” puns whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Sorry again.
Werewolf dramedy? I’d rather see Werewolf Bar Mitzah: The Series.
Also, Christmas Vacation references never get old, no matter how many times you use them. Hallelujah, holy shit!
But it is my sworn duty to make unfunny “in-out” puns whenever the opportunity presents itself.
None of us can fathom why.
I made a blood oath to an Indian holy woman on her deathbed.
Voila!
{crawls in, sniffs corner}
Rookies!
{crawls in, sniffs corner}
Rookies!
Well, that’s a hell of a lot nicer than “stoopid n00b douche”. Cheers, Crapbasket!
Holy fuck, it’s Tuesday? How did that happen? By the way, whatever shit they put in crunchy cheetos is SCARY AS FUCK when you puke it up. See ya later, bird rapists, I’ve got to go dropkick an albino pygmy seal into the tiger cage, go wassailing down at the urinal cake factory, then take a picture of what I just made in the toilet and email it to your moms. GRRRR SATURNALIA!
Take off that extra “R” in “GRRR” and add it to “gun rrape” to make it extra rapey, cuz that’s what I’m going to do to whoever decided to raise the price of a bottle of Boone’s Farm by four cents at my grocery store. BITCH I WILL END YOU.
It’s good to know that wherever you leave Sylvester Stallone, he’ll still be there when you need to find him again.
Robo, for some reason you are making me all tingly this morning.
GGGGGGGGGGGGR
I’d rather see LeBeouf as Judge Dredd.
[Dredd has a criminal trapped and a gun to his head, holds up three fingers} Three strikes and you're out! [Dredd prepares to pull the trigger when he looks down; he cracks a wry smile, opens his hand to show four fingers] But four balls and you walk. See you at my place!
And, if its about female werewolves, wouldnt it be a bat mitzvah? Just saying, cause I need my ridiculous accurate.
Surely a vampire would be more likely to have a bat mitzvah.
***rimshot***
One of those days again, eh?
Did I miss all the Jewish jokes? Happy Hannukah!
HO HO GHA! Kris Klingle here to pass out everyone’s Krs’Mas presents!
Let’s see…guy’Cha! Al sure asked for a lot of heavy duty C and D batteries…Kris Klingle is pretty sure He can guess whether she is being “naughty or nice”!
Yes, yes it would be a Bat Mitzvah.
o/’ Werewolf Bat Mitzvah, spooky scary! Girls becoming women, women becoming wolves!
Where wolf?
There! There wolf!
Banner pic: Kris Klingle is sure that all that kid wants for Christmas is his three front teeth!
Klingle, there better be booze in that sack for ol’ Donk.
*ransacks through duffle bag of severed heads*
QAPLAH! Admiral Nelson Spiced Rum!
NEW UP!