The strangest thing about Blizhniy Boy: The Ultimate Fighter is not that it combines mixed martial arts, Gary Busey, and John “SWEEP THE LEG” Kreese, but that it’s not even the first movie to do so. Well shit. What else can we add to put this thing over the top? David Carradine? Check. Eric Roberts? Check. Bolo Yeung (from Bloodsport)? You better believe that’s a check. And yet, watching the trailer, you get the sense that it’s not quite the sum of its parts. But then, how could it be? It’d have to be about a liger that ejaculates velociraptors.
It’s IMDB page says 2007, but it doesn’t appear to have a release date or a DVD on sale anywhere. But with a title that just rolls off the tongue, I’m sure it’ll be an easy sell. It’s a good thing Cung Le put his fighting career on hold for this. Good move, buddy. I’m sure this will lead to bigger things. Let’s face it, once you’re in with Busey, you’re here to stay.
Thanks to Shaun for the tip.
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I’m going to Blizhniy Land!
(gets bar code tattoo)
You can’t find it anywhere because everyone is too afraid to tell Busey that it was just a movie.
Hey, they ripped off my script, “Blintzy Boy: The Ultimate Nosher!”
Looks like Bolo was a victim of the Eyeborgs.
A star is born.
An enemy is made.
A friend is murdered.
A cake is baked.
A cow says “moo”.
A coyote is eaten.
<———— is on kick-ass pain killers today.
In spite of the fact that absolutely none of my boyhood dreams have come true, I still manage to amuse myself every single fucking day when I walk up to the building janitor, fix him with a steely gaze and menacingly growl, “Sweep the floor.”
Is John Kreese the tall guy from “Monty Prython’s Frying Circlus?”
Gary Busey inhales carbon dioxide and exhales oxygen.
Juan, only in the Orient.
Juan, no, but he did the Japanese voice overs.
{winks at erwsi}
Gary Busey is an unstoppable thumb wrestling robot in Handroid.
This movie is like the elephant’s graveyard of B-movie actors. Martin Kove? Olivier Gruner?
But I’ll wait for the sequel: “Kimbo Slice: the Ultimate Hitchhiker.”
Crap, I love you for the CO2, H2O remark.
Type “Blizhniy Boy” into an anagram generator and your computer shits on your keyboard.
Gary Busey refuses to use a Cresent Wrench because he hates those dirty a-rabs.
John is suing Mens Warehouse for their use of his wrestling name, Super Kreese.
I hope Fek is reading right now…
ht tp://w ww.bingegamer.net/2008/mega-man-struation/
(SFW, even though the page says otherwise)
Busy is a robot with acromegaly in Glandroid.
Busey, too
The tone of this trailer is very different when you watch it with the sound off while listening to theme from the Benny Hill Show.
Fek is ALWAYS reading.
You guys are assholes.
Fek is ALWAYS into bleeding.
Fek’s garden ALWAYS needs weeding.
Come for the commentary, stay for the fundie JW rapture art!
dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-never-turn-down-request-for-blog-post.html
Fek’s sex life is always needing. :(
Fek at Wal Mart is ALWAYS greeting!
Until I was 9 I was ALWAYS breast feeding.
Bruns-months or decades?
Fek forecasts ALWAYS include sleeting.
In my shower, I’m always seeding.
Fek is ALWAYS off-beating.
{walks back in from Mega Man thing}
…
<== Just picked up drawing of Mega Man and was told of the media.
At Ren Faires, Fek is always meading.
After a good wax job, Fek’s car is ALWAYS beading.
Next up, lot #341. Mega Manstruate. Twat seepage on 9×17″ blotter paper.
Bidding will begin at… what the fuck… $500.
Mega Manstruation mans arch nemesis;
Ortho-Tri-Cyclen
When doing his Lil’ Jon impression, Fek is ALWAYS skeeting.
Gary Busey was inspired by Mega Manstruation to hon his landscape paintcraft using his hemorrhoid blood.
If you have to go to the bathroom, do you have to put that Mega Man game on menopause?
I am comforted by your silence.
Gary Busey adheres to four basic food groups and they’re all human babies.
On that Mega Man game, pressing “start” has dire consequences.
On that Mega Man game on of the signature stun movies is the “Heavy Flow Daze.”
Mega Manstruation has a dog named spotting.
Mega Manstruation uses a special “game pad.”
I almost had Mega Manstruation beat then somebody pulled the cord and unplugged it.
*chodin follows nose into thread*
Mmmmmm, I thought it smelled like Busey today.
Gary Busey always thought the john crease was the gap between the wall and the stall door in public bathrooms.
Gary Busey once held a secret for so long that he accidentally squeezed it to death.
That was a disappointing entrance, Chode. Get out and come back in again, please.
Gary Busey also thinks “soft shoulder” rolls off of the tongue. Unless he tries to say it five times really fast, then he gets pissed and kills a stray dog.
When Fek’s “backed up”, you’ll often find him Fleeting.
Gary Busey thinks he’s been eating UFC for the last eight months and that Colonel Sanders is a champion featherweight.
Gary Busey thinks that a “Somali Boat Pirate” is a pervert sex move.
*chodin re-enters thread wearing his “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BAKE, WOMAN” shirt*
Howdy gays, what’d I miss?
Gary Busey thinks an emoticon is a bad robot from Transformers.
Gary Busey thinks “straight to DVD” is a porn term for a gangbang.
Seriously, this is like an 80′s action movie high school reunion.
Gary Busey kept calling John’s scenes “Kreese’s Pieces” and would shit himself laughing every time.
Gary Busey is sad to say, Aslan is on the move.
Gary Busey once dropped acid and then spent four days in the woods trying to find it.
Gary Busey cooks croissants by twisting the arms off of little french boys and throwing them in the oven.
Gary Busey hangs pigs feet from the door to let his roommates know that he’s fucking.
Gary Busey’s grocery shoppig list reads as:
1. BUTTER
2. BAND-AIDS
3. FAKE EASTER GRASS
4. CROATIAN ARM HAIR
Gary Busey refuses to use an EZ Pass tag because he is afraid he may accidentally be beamed into the toll booth with his quarter.
Gary Busey breaks into your house to knock on the inside of the door when he arrives.
Gary Busey threw a hoof-themed party, in hopes that the centaur who stole his wallet in ’89 would show up.
Gary Busey steps on crack rock to break his mother’s back.
Gary Busey kicked a pile of leaves he just raked up for “strange eyeing” him.
Gary Busey invented the 4th meal.
Only Gary Busey knows how to throw garbage cans away.
Gary Busey ejaculates and pees simultaneously.
Gary Busey discovered the tesseract when he got a cavity and discovered that there were larger teeth living inside of his teeth.
*chodin re-enters thread wearing his “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BAKE, WOMAN” shirt*
**Looks around the room – “Michelle? I think he’s talking to you.”
http://defamer.com/5100605/
hahahaah
Gary Busey thinks IMDB is most effective when snorted.
Gary Busey once tried to dissolve David Carradine under his tongue.
He is NOT GAY. Dammit. Can’t be.
Gary Busey had all of his fillings removed and replaced with bits of a meteorite he found in his back yard.
Gary Busey enjoyed ‘The Big Labowski’, but still doesn’t care much for Bolo Yeung.
Gary Busey went to the photo lab at his local CVS to have his thoughts developed.
Gary Busey likes using Microsoft Word, but wishes it was easier to erase marker from his monitor.
Gary Busey does a hand stand to drain the blood from his erections.
Gary Busey can scratch his scrotum with his feet.
Gary Busey won a staring contest over the phone.
Gary Busey thought the script for ‘Blizhniy Boy’ was an Islands menu.
When Gary Busey cooks shish kabobs, he uses his dick as a skewer.
Gary Busey checks turkey temperature with a buck knife: if the turkey bleeds to death, he won’t eat it.
{runs back in}
This fucker’s still going?!
Qaplah!
Gary Busey finger painted his house.
Gary Busey is afraid of all things “sewer” so he shits in a bucket.
Gary Busey once roundhouse kicked terrorism, in the fucking face.
Gary Busey had his scrote removed because of the “unsightly wrinkles.”
Gary Busey believes that the cave man invented the GLAD trash bags, but the nazis wrote the commercial jingle.
Because of his crooked eye, Gary Busey sees everthing in “Magic Eye.”
Gary Busey smokes ceramic ware and thinks it’s fucking hilarious that his dog can never get stoned.
Gary Busey uses 3-D hidden image posters as road maps and has never been late to an appointment.
Gary Busey tried to use a telescope and a lazer pointer to carve his initials on the moon.
Holy fuck! I get caught
jerkin’ the gherkindoing some work and you guys loose your fuckin’ minds!A jug of orange juice said “concentrate” and Gary Busey demanded that it reveal where it learned to talk.
Gary Busey fired his lawn service because he thought they were using the fertilizer to make the grass grow faster so they could jack up the price.
Gary Busey’s dog is afraid.
Very, very afraid.
Loose/lose. Whatever.
Fuck Miike. I’m going back to work.
Gary Busey alway ties a trash bag to his back to use as a parachute when he flies, you know, just in case.
Gary Busey once stabbed his arm all the way through a cereal box and was convinced that his dick was the prize.
Gary Busey doesn’t get paper cuts, he gets paper out sourced.
Gary Busey ejaculates Magic Shell.
Gary Busey named his cat George. So if it got curious, he could kill it.
Gary Busey is too tough to cry, because he thinks it temporarily turns you Chinese.
Gary Busey does not know the trouble with tribbles.
Gary Busey was tired of always pissing the bed, so he moved to the top bunk.
Gary Busey always calls San Francisco, ‘Cisco cuz he’s a fucking assbag.
Gary Busey doesn’t fill party ballons with helium to make them float, he fills them with hope.
Gary Busey hates the ending to ‘No Country For Old Men’ so at the start of the third act, he always pops in the ending to ‘Happy Feet’.
Dude my geek cred just went up. That had to be Richard Chavez, he of Predator and also War of the Worlds the series talking to him while he was in jail. oh Ironhorse, what happened man? When did you get so old? You’re not even Japanese or Chinese…or whatever the hell they are trying to pawn you off as.
Gary Busey thinks Hybrid vehicles are made by having horses fuck toasters.
Gary Busey has never blinked once in his entire life. He believes that if he ever does, the moles will turn off gravity.
Oh and new up.
Gary Busey keeps e-mailing Marshall Herff Applewhite Jr. and asking when he’ll be “back in town”.
Gary Busey only eats molded cheese because he is “going green.”
Wait…was the Oliver Grunier as the photographer? Holy crap…I think it was.
{slumps shoulders, sighs, walks off to new post}
Garey Busey is opening a new restaurant called Coyote Hungry.