YUP, THAT’S THE ENTERPRISE ALRIGHT
11.12.08
E.W. recently released this “Exclusive First Look” at the U.S.S. Enterprise from JJ Abrams’ upcoming Star Trek movie. Not so exclusive anymore, is it, f-ckers.
Ho hum. This would have been so much more awesome if Michael Bay were directing. And with that I present to you: The Enterprise as envisioned by Michael Bay.
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Where are the big breasted girls straddling the rockets?
Somewhere in heaven, Gene Roddenberry is making a giant wanking motion with his hand and wondering why they didn’t just bury him face-down while they were at it.
I’m truly disappointed in JJ. I honestly expected it to be more dick shaped.
In space, no one can hear you spooge in another man’s anus.
At least it has that big blue spinner rim on the front of it.
J.J. Abrams’ Enterprise flies around blasting Clay Aiken.
J.J. Abrams’ Enterprise travels in Astroglide.
I bet it’s a fucking hybrid.
Needs a spoiler.
J.J. Abrams’ Starfleet is still based in San Francisco.
On JJ Abrams’ Enterprize, Captian Kirk calls the engine room to tell Power he needs more bones.
…and if you want to know why I called it the “Enterprize,” ask Chino.
Michael Bay’s Enterprise may not look that impressive at first, but keep in mind that it can transform into a Jamba Juice.
On JJ Abrams’ Enterprize, the Vulcan salute is a palm-forward V with two fingers on each side, pressed up to your mouth with your tongue wagging in the middle.
J.J. Abrams’ Enterprise wants to braid Micael Bay’s Enterprise’s hair.
Instead of “That is not logical,” on JJ Abrams’ Enterprize Spock’s tagline is “I can’t seem to quit you, sir.”
Not shown: Topside pool and sun chaise patio
J.J. Abrams’ Enterprise and Micael Bay’s Enterprise like to make party line calls to Lexi Alexander’s Punisher.
Correct spelling is for queers (J.J. Abrams’ Enterprise has impeccable spelling).
Hmm. I figured since Abrams is directing, we’d never actually see the Enterprise.
That big blue satellite dish on the front is used to pick up scrambled skinemax and Clippers games
On J.J. Abrams’ Enterprise, the stern is now referred to as port #2 to sound more inviting.
The Hollodeck on JJ Abram’s Enterprise smells like an NJ Turnpike rest stop. Probably the one that won the ‘Pull It, Sir’ prize that I mentioned a week ago or so. Because I thought it was a funny play on words. Am I still typing?
On J.J Abram’s Enterprise, phasers are set to “fabulous”!
Funny Story: This screenplay was actually written in the future by Lt. Cmdr. Deanna Troy. One too many ensign’s hit on her during counseling sessions, and she just flipped out. Scribbled out the script in her own feces. Talk about a #2 pencil!
*takes his name off your birthday party list*
New up – WITH SHARKS!
That Bay Enterprise…He just came.
On JJ Abram’s Enterprise the holodeck takes you only to defining moments in your childhood.