Courtesy of Yahoo, this is the latest Watchmen poster (click to enlarge). They’re subtly trying to get you “all wet” for this movie.
Compilation of sexy TV babes from the 80s. You’re going to hell for putting the Olsen twins on this list. [ScreenJunkies]
Jessica Alba to play a prostitute in The Killer Inside Me. I’d be interested if this were a porno shot in real time. [Filmonic]
Stallone wants Forest Whitaker for The Expendables, which already includes Jet Li and Jason Statham. Reached for comment, Statham said, “Oi, Oy can’t tell wut dis cunt’s lookin at, now can Oy.” [THR]
Repo the Genetic Opera is getting rave reviews: “The second-biggest mystery is why this unfunny, unscary, preposterous bloodbath about organ transplants is opening at all. And why did a serious singer like Sarah Brightman sign on and donate her pipes to this infernal, self-indulgent misfire?” [USA Today]
Nicole Kidman playing world’s first post-op trannie. She’d been preparing for this role for years, by being married to Tom Cruise. [RopeofSilicon]
Poster for Street Fighter movie. I don’t remember Chun Li ever holding sticks. This so inaccurate. This is an outrage. This is going straight to DVD. [ComingSoon]
Chris Rock doing “urban” remake of Death at a Funeral. Is it so hard to say the word “black”? If Larry the Cable Guy was remaking it, would we have to call it a “rural” remake? Or can we stick with a “retard” remake. [THR]
Beyoncé wants to play Wonder Woman. “It would be great. And it would be a very bold choice. A black Wonder Woman would be a powerful thing. It’s time for that, right?” The time for a black Wonder Woman has passed, shit, we already have a black president. I say we skip straight to a Robert Downey Jr. in blackface Wonder Woman. [LA Times]
Defiance has a new poster. And when I look at it, all I can hear is the bad Dracula accents from the trailer. Zees mooovie vants to suck, muahaha. [Empire]
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Wonder Woman would never change her name to Sasha Fierce.
fuck i cant wait for that stallone movie, watchmen poster looks awesome, beyonce sucks
Wonder Woman would never add seven extra notes to each syllable.
Did you hear? The next best thing to joining Misty in bed is… joining her in Cyber Club! Click here at theseadssuckass.com
I don’t seem to recall an issue of Wonder Woman where she screeched like a psychotic person and then fell down a flight of stairs. Considering thats about the extent of Beyonce’s talents, I don’t think it would be much of a good choice.
Then again I only bought Wonder Woman comics as a kid so I could masturbate to her amazonian mammaries until the pages stuck together so what do I know..
Nicole Kidman looks absolutely nothing like Einar Wegener, but she does look like Christine Jorgensen. Maybe they could change the biography subject but keep the theme and have Kidman play “before” and Charlize play “after”. Oh, but then they couldn’t do the lesbo scene, huh? I get it now.
Hey, you know who does look exactly like Einar Wegener? Maggie Gyllenhaal.
“We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything . . . like this.”
*Nicole Kidman walks onto stage. Wolf Blitzer lifts her skirt to reveal a penis. Meanwhile, in a hyperbaric chamber 20 stories below the earth Tom Cruise suddenly feels a twinge of wistfulness, and he sighs. The electrodes detect a change in his heart rate and deliver an electric shock.*
I’m just going to keep posting this Wolf Blitzer stuff, and I don’t care if it’s no longer funny; I’m just going to keep doing this until somebody laughs, damn it.
“I don’t care if it’s no longer funny; I’m just going to keep doing this until somebody laughs, damn it” is also the title of my autobiography, but I’m in legal wranglings right now because somebody wants to use that title for an Aries Spears biopic.
Diana, as Wonder Woman comes from a tribe called The Amazonians. Beyonce’ as Wonder Woman comes from A Tribe Called Quest.
“We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything . . . like this.”
*hologram of Jacktion! is beamed into the newsroom*
*hologram of Jacktion! laughs at RoboPanda’s joke, and promptly disappears*
Wonder Woman doesn’t wear hair extensions.
*looks outside, sees dark clouds, rain, reads temp as 34 degrees*
Yeah, I’m not going to pay eight dollars and sit in a theater to watch even more of this shit.
Beyonce’s Wonder Woman is too bootylicious for ya, babe.
To the left, to the left, all your childhood memories in a box to the left
I’d rather stare at a screencap of Rachel Bilson dressed as Wonder Woman for two hours.
Paginated comments again? Woo!
*looks again*
25 per page?
I’d rather listen to William Hung sing “Survivor” for two hours.
I’d rather stare at a poster of Kristin Kreuk dressed as Chun-Li for two hours.
Donk – I see it. I wonder if His Thumbliness also got the drones working on the PM system?
Okay, fucking seriously. Death a Funeral was directed by Yoda and starred American actors. Plus, it came out last fucking year. They really need to remake it? Haven’t we dursted the whole remaking-British-culture thing by having to do our own version of Little Britain, only to call it… Little Britain USA?
Please tell me that the Alba flick is supposed to be a horror movie. Generally, the “killer” inside of a prostitute tends to be passed on via the exchange of bodily fluids.
DeFiance is about a guy who is getting ready to get married, right?
*uses weekend exemption from staying in the corner*
So 25 to a page, you say?
Testing, testing, 1, 2…
Yep, 25
I’d rather stare at a second page of comments for two hours.
I feel a little bit closer to all of you right now.
Did I ever tell you about the time I farted on the second page of comments?
Feeling’s mutual, Al. Prolly because the Wild are playing Vancouver right now.
Did I ever tell you about the time I talked about sports on the second page of comments?
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The “Lasso of Truth” will make me reveal that I want sugar poured on my dick.
Beyonce’s Wonder Woman will have to purchase two tickets if she wants to ride in the invisible jet.
Beyonce’s Wonder Woman uses the Golden Hair Extensions of Truth, but since she bought them from the asian kiosk at the mall they’re fairly easy to break out of.
Beyonce’s Wonder Woman has to ride in the back of the invisible jet.
Beyonce’s Wonder Woman keeps asking me to hold her hoops before she gets to a scuffling.
To summon Beyonce’s Wonder Woman you have to say her name, say her name, say her name – but like in a mirror or something.