TWILIGHT FAN WINS PIE-EATING CONTEST
11.21.08
Hey, remember that Twilight riot at Hot Topic last week? Well Tyra Banks invited three of the girls who’d been turned away at the event on her show and surprised them with Twilight memorabilia presented in person by stars Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner (note to parents of boys: ‘Taylor’ is the fruitiest name ever). But since this is Tyra Banks, and Tyra Banks is the worst person in the world, instead of just giving them the memorabilia, she made them compete for it. In a pie-eating contest.
“I still can’t believe they are making you guys do this,” Pattinson said as the pie-eating wore on. “Oh, geez!”
Two of the girls tied. 18-year-old Tiffany Kuhne won a tiebreaker by precisely guessing the combined weight of the co-stars: 320 pounds. [That's about a buck sixty each for all you math majors out there (I used a calculator)]
Kuhne was blindfolded and led outside to discover that the “memorabilia” she’d won was the Volvo that Pattinson’s character drives in the movie, which opened Friday. [Yahoo]
To recap, a Twilight fan won a Volvo in a pie-eating contest. Jesus Christ, do these girls not realize they’re being made fun of? Why not just have a loneliness contest? Winner gets a vibrator and a house full of cats. “Congratulations. You’ll need these,” Pattinson would say.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/haddaway-what-is-love-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/Lautner-150x150.jpg)
Hey, I used to have a vibrator and cats before I got married….Oh, I see your point
That third picture gave my computer GAIDS.
That first picture left a grease smear on my screen.
Burnsy, you wanna weigh in on Taylor being a fruity name?
‘Taylor’ is the fruitiest name ever.
Fuckin-A right it is.
That third picture made the keys on my keyboard turn into man nipples.
When I clicked on that third photo my mouse shoved itself in my ass.
320 pounds. [That's about a buck sixty each for all you math majors out there (I used a calculator)]
*bating*
Ellen DeGeneres was angry about her disqualification.
Kuhne was blindfolded and led outside to discover that the “memorabilia” she’d won was the Volvo that Pattinson’s character drives in the movie, which opened Friday.
If you’re looking for her, she’s still in the parking lot sniffing and licking the seats of the car with her fist up her coochie.
Wouldn’t a Ben and Jerry’s eating contest have made more sense for lady fans of abstinence?
Holy shit, a guy who’s way too old to be picking up high school chicks driving around in a volvo?
Maybe this movie does have some appeal for me after all.
I bet they are all wearing the “garment”.
So the show was about a soul-less ghoul sucking the life out of hapless victims? Were there some vampires too?
I would argue Ashley is less fruity because it’s more old-timey. Taylor is not only a girl’s name, it’s a modern yuppie girl’s name.
That third picture gave Donk’s avatar a thick boner.
If Tyra really wants to help these girls, she’ll put them in a sausage-eating contest.
That dress is the equivalent of a mullet in terms of fashion.
Business on top, party on the bottom. FTW?
Robert Pattison has to be seriously reconsidering his decision to avoid gay porn as “too demeaning” right about now.
I see nothing wrong with having a cat and a house-full of vibrators.
Given Volvo’s marketing about being the safest cars in the world, does that mean you don’t have to wrap that rascal when you’re doing the backseat boogie?
Al’s avatar loves vibrators. The Rabbit, Michael J. Fox and Muhammed Ali being his favorites.
Al? You look different
Al’s avatar would have won that pie eating contest hands down.
Until now, everyone who drove past Al’s house assumed that humming noise was from buried high-voltage power lines.
Al is a real woman. She kick starts her vibrator
Al’s vibrator has to be kept in the garage.
No way, it has a pull cord.
<——— has no idea how you guys know so much about my impressive and extensive vibrator collection.
A day or two ago I was calling them The Future Crazy Cat Ladies of America, and I think time will prove me right on this one.
Japanese People duck and cover at the sight of Al’s vibrator. Especially those from Nagasaki.
Im with Robo on this one.
Al was the real victim of the high gas prices. Diesel’s a bitch isn’t it?
You know why a cat’s tongue is scratchy?
Because if it wasn’t, it would feel like a dog’s tongue on your balls.
No, Diesel is the butch, MIZ
I knew a woman named Marlene once, who called her cats her children and husband.
She was crazy
Al’s vibrator’s day job is breaking concrete on job sites.
Al’s vibrator has to pass state inspection.
Al had to have her house seismically upgraded.
Like the new look, Al. I see you shaved.
Al’s vibrator has two settings — Ebb and Flow.
Al’s vibrator rules all of the other vibrators in Middle Earth.
Knowing that Al’s a chick makes it ok that her avatar turns me on.
Al’s vibrator cuddles afterward.
Al’s vibrator can only be de-activated by uttering the phrase “klaatu barada nikto.”
Al’s vibrator is powered by a flux capacitor.
Al’s vibrator became self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th.
The Mighty Feklahr is sure that this was a “Tuna Pie” eating contest! DOOSH!
Al’s vibrator was summoned for jury duty and shortly after was named district attorney.
Eib-Huh…whuhduh…FUCK MARLENE!!!!!!!!!
Al’s vibrator puts Fek’s vibrating anal eggs to shame.
Al’s vibrator is powered by the dreams of
JHCa nation.Al’s vibrator inspired the Beach Boys to write that one song.
The Mighty Feklahr has one of those vibrating cock rings, but what he likes to do is put it over a couple fingers and jill the gal off.
Call Him, ladies.
Al’s vibrator will go out for dinner and a movie first.
But won’t pay for you.
Rot, I so <3 you right now (Al’s vibrator can only be de-activated by uttering the phrase “klaatu barada nikto.”)
Al’s vibrator always calls the next day.
We are all spelling it wrong! In Canada, its vibratour!
Al’s vibrator is named Muhammed J. Fox.
You know what really killed Heath Ledger? He borrowed Al’s vibratour
Eibz – it’s actually “vibrateauxr”, eh?
Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
What happened? Am I stuck in the dolphin net again?
Nevermind. I was trying to say: it’s actually “vibrateauxr”.
Al’s vibrator keeps getting stuck in the tuna net.
Thanks Eib – I gots to represent my geek peeps.
*fist bump, points finger, shoots, gives sideways vulcan peace sign, trips over untied shoelace, falls head first into “Hang in there” kitty poster*
New up – less vibrator.
Not to ruin the vibrator talk… but everyone knows that kid in number three is sixteen, right?
Unfortunately, Erin, we’re not a group you might say “knows a lot about the actors in this terrible shitfest of a movie”