THE NON-BUTTCAM STAR TREK TRAILER
11.17.08The full trailer for JJ Abrams’ Star Trek obviously leaked online over the weekend, and now we have the official version. I’ve been pretty critical of this so far, but I have to admit, the trailer is pretty damned awesome. I still hate the casting of Spock and Captain Kirk (as commenter Max points out, the movie takes place during Spock and Kirk’s days as students, so them being young makes sense, but do they have to be so… clean?), but aside from that it looks far better than I ever would’ve imagined. And that first voice over? You better believe that’s Bruce Greenwood. He plays Chris Pike in the movie, but I’d definitely be okay with him taking over for Don LaFontaine and narrating all trailers from now on. Bruce Greenwood fact of the day: Bruce Greenwood once got hired to read the audiobook version of Dianetics, and Scientology came true.
[Also available in HD at Apple]
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I thought this took place at Star Trek school, so casting young actors makes sense. Then again, Rose McGowan’s cleavage is awesome, so I’m not sure about anything anymore.
Bill Shatner and Leonard Nemoy have bullion cubes in their pantries older than the two new leads.
P.S. the beginning of the trailer with the car and the cliff is a bit ThelmaandLouisey for my taste.
Didn’t we knock brucegreenwoods site offline?
P.S. Every reference to Shatner reminds me how much Boston Legal sucks.
One day Bruce Greenwood was listening to Ron Perlman bragging about how great his acting career was going to be and Greenwood told him to be careful he doesn’t get a big head. Needless to say, Perlman didn’t listen and now look what happened to him.
I watched Boston Legal for two seasons before I realized it wasn’t a new Start Trek series.
Since they insist on a very young Kirk, it would make more sense-and explain the sexual tension between him and Spock-if they set this on the ship were he served as a junior officer: the U.S.S. Farragut. Also, they could show the part where he and Spock get drunk and paint over the “arr.”
*hits chest, makes peace sign, points to the Van Allen belt*
There Fek, jack off to that.
It’s back online, baby.
http://brucegreenwood.com/bio/did_you.htm
Start Trek features a young Kavin Bacon starring as captain James P. Krik.
*stumbles drunkenly back into filmdrunk*
Someone, *hiccup* say Red Barchetta?
but do they have to be so . . . clean?
You obviously haven’t seen their test results.
The trailer is also available for the new Trekkie documentary, Star Crunch.
Excuuuuuuuuuse me!
Muscle memory. I type “start” more than I type “star”
Oh… and Donk?
Shut the fuck up.
Was that Jack Black saying “the wait is over”?
There Fek, jack off to that.
it srue is hrad to tyoe with won hand
*Winks*
I love you,
manYou need to stop winking.
It’s creepy as all hell.
Somebody say wink?
{winks in accordance to rule #3 of CJC}
*Hands C-dog a piss boot*
Hey, you wanna go hunting tumbleweeds later?
If they don’t show Kirk in Riverside, IA bangin’ (or smoking) a fatty, this movie is DEAD2HIM.
Iowa, Fields of
OpportunityDitchweed!Jack, they were Enterprising lawyers…
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.
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*hopes the corner is still warm*
much love, JC.
Kirk could go up to the Amana Colonies and bag himself a nice hefty, broad-shouldered German chick! At that point he realizes the more man-like the women are, the harder it gets him off…
…
Dor sho gha!!!
GRRR…FAMILY STYLE DINNERS WITH SAUERBRATEN!!!
Robo, Linzay…anyone???
Stone, I laughed so hard at Enterprising lawyers, that a tear rolled down the front of my face.
Let’s hope it’s the final front tear.
They can show Kirk attending the annual “Trek Fest” parade and being all like, “WTF???”
Wait, where’s everybody going?
The tear rolled all the way down to Jack’s! crotch, where no man has gone before.
Bruce Greenwood was always destined to play a catatonic man in a box.
Buried in his shit?
So, this writer’s agent calls him up, all excited. The agent says, “This is great, we sold your script!”
The writer asks, “Who did we sell it to?”
“Lucas!” the agent exclaims.
The writer freaks out, screaming, “Oh my god! George Lucas bought my script!? That’s amazing!”
“No, Frank Lucas. He’s a new guy, but really smart. Comes from money, too.”
“Oh, well, who’s attached to direct?” asks the writer.
“Spielberg.”
“Holy shit! Steven Spielberg is going to direct my movie! I’m going to piss myself!” The writer is practically having a heart attack at this point.
“No,” says the agent, “Ari Spielberg. Also new, but he’s got great vision. Done some amazing commercials.”
“Oh. So, who’s going to play the lead?” asks the writer, nervously.
“Greenwood,” says the agent.
“Bruce Greenwood is going to star in my movie?”
“Yup.
Fek,True Story: Alice In Chains wrote that song about Captain Pike
(not true)
Here’s what I gather from watching this trailer without sound: During a Fast & Furious movie shoot at the Grand Canyon, Cobra Commander flies in on a jetski and tells some little kid who later turns out to be James Kirk that he needs to stop crashing cars into the Grand Canyon, because they’re building a spaceport there. Then James graduates to motorcycles and eyebrow threading, and Spock’s mom tells him to get her another sangria so he joins Starfleet Academy. The two 16 year olds are put in charge of the Enterprise and shit blows up and people takes their tops off and John Cho is stil miscast. The End.
P.S., Karl Urban’s chin sends its warmest regards from vacation in Cancun. Apologies it couldn’t make it to the set in time to make an appearance in this movie.
Nahhh, it’s about hockey.
Did someone say “hockey”?
Check out olded up Winona towards the end. Yeah…I’m that lame that I scrolled through it slow. I’m sadly mega excited about this movie. I need to be beaten.
Al, shut the puck up.
Is that corner still warm, guys? … Guys?
Donk, I don’t know whether I love you or hate you for that.
You love him, dont deny it, Al. We all do
All I can say to you JessicaD is this: the masochist says “hit me” and the sadist says “no”
Was that Vin Diesel in the latex bondage suit? Doesn’t he still have the Hollywood monopoly on car chases and shitty movies???
*watches trailer, feels bad about making fun of JJ and the cast*
*sees snowflake gently fall to ground outside window, forgets what was on mind*
Man, that JJ, what a dork. Pine and Quinto are teh ghey!
Why didn’t they show a young Chekov waiting in line for potatoes and bread, or Ohura sitting in an old jalopy waiting for her Mom to come back with trick money? Fuckin’ Abrams…
Or little Scotty hiding under his bed so his Dad won’t find him and beat the shit out of him in a drunken tirade?
or Sulu accessorizing his sister’s Barbies?
or Billy “Redshirt” Johnson getting picked last for dodgeball?
I always made my sister’s Barbies scissor.
*unzips pants, freezes trailer at spot with chick taking top off*
Or where’s the back story on red shirt away team guy? Him never getting picked to play any games, so he joins starfleet to show every body he’s cool, then on that first mission…
*sees Pauly in thread, doesn’t interrupt rhythm*
Fuck you J.
Actually, I take that fuck you back, that was the logical next step in that comment train…
Hey C-Dog, you know who’s gonna win tonight?
All the channels that aren’t showing that turd of a game.
I got savaged by the line this week, 8 wins, which puts me four games outta 1st behind a chick that picks teams on who has the prettier uniforms. {sigh}
I gots BUF -5.5.
Watch the game? Corner bar gives a raffle ticket for each drink and draws every score for beer vendor swag.
GGGgggrrrr…football binge drinking!!!
I need to win a new Newcastle keychain bottle opener! GODAMMIT, you gotta win by 6 you fag! Go for that 65 yard kick with :03 left in the fourth!
Yarrrrgh!!!!!
Byo, can I clear a room or what? I’m like a black man at a mormon book reading.
It’s that machine gun you’re waving around and all the death and destruction in your wake, Crappy.
Speaking of a black man at a Mormon book reading…Tyler Perry is in this movie.
Tyler Perry makes me want to give out reparations just so he’ll stop making blaxploitation versions of old movies.
A free kick in the nuts* says Kirk pulls that driving maneuver with the Enterprise to save everyone’s ass at the end.
*That’s me kicking you in the nuts. For free.
If I gave a shit about this movie, I might be pissed at you, Stoney.
That looked pretty gay. Yeah, I went there JJ. Not everyone likes you.