STAR TREK STILL LOOKS CREEPY, GAY
11.11.08
Paramount released a couple new posters for the upcoming JJ Abrams’ produced Star Trek movie, and while they’re not as bad as the last batch, these guys both still look way too young for these roles. Chris Pine (channelling E.R.-era George Clooney) doesn’t bother me as much in this shot, which probably has a lot to do with the angle and lighting minimizing his giant forehead and fruity highlighted hair. But Zachary Quinto’s Spock, with his ultra-rubbery skin and gently parted lips, looks like he wants to touch me in my swimsuit area or smell my infant child.
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Live long and prosssper!
Three ssnapss in a “V” formation!
They look way too young to me too, but that’s just because I’m old.
*looks sideways at Vance – isn’t 30 just around the corner for you, young man?*
Dumb and Dumber: The Next Generation
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowerss, that ssmell GAWD-AWFUL!
COLOURFUL metaphorss!
Logic iss the beginning of wissdom, not the end. But it iss sstill pretty fab!
I have been, and alwayss ssshall be, your reacharound guy!
These pictures make me think that Kirk and Spock like to enter each others neutral zones.
The needss of the many outweigh the needss of the Jew! OH, SSNAP!
Elliot, be goooooood!
Dor sho gha! Wrong alien!
Spock’s haircut is not logical.
Instead of “green”, Zachary Quinto’s Spock bleeds “rainbow”.
In JJ’s Star Trek, the Prime Directive is, “Don’t ask, Don’t tell”.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock does the “Vulcan Sack Pinch”.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock follows the Vulcan salute with a brief “jazz hands”.
These guys look like they’ve been tasting each others’ Hot Pockets, if you know what I’m saying.
Seriously, I know that perhaps Starfleet works a little differently in the future, but if you compare it to today’s navy, a Captain is an O-6 and it takes about 15-20 years to attain that rank. Did this Captain Kirk graduate Starleet Academy at age 6?
/serious. We now return you to your regularly scheduled dick jokes.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock will only mind-meld with George Takei.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock’s viewfinder is a nice pair of Turkish Goggles.
*The Mighty Feklahr sits with His pet targ on the deck of Grethor*
You know, Ch’Utzpah, JHC is the only one on this planet keeping these yIntaghs from getting their sun detonated!
Chris Pines Kirk still makes 15 shitty music records a year.
“Spock – tell me what you can make of this report!”
“I can make a hat, a broach, a pterodactyl!”
I will not, under any circumstances, tell Pine or Quinto “Happy Veterans Day”.
When Bones gives Zachary Quinto’s Spock a hard time, he giggles and says “stop it, silly”
The shadow on Zachary Quinto’s face is concealing his “Spock Tease” contact lens.
at least they didnt get the guy from the new knight rider to play Kik.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock is always looking to score some M-Class E.
Kirk goes to sick bay because his ass hurts. Bones asks him to bend down so he can have a look. Shocked, Bones says “Dammit, Jim – there is a long stemmed red rose in there!”
Kirk says “Oh, read the card…”
Zachary Quinto’s Spock can show you a trick involving a cardboard tube and a tribble.
In JJ’s Star Trek, Vyger wears a gimp mask and slams ball gags up his ass.
When Zacahry Quinto’s Spock goes into heat it’s called Pon FARBULOUS!!!
J.J. Abrams hates blacks and important plot details
In JJ’s Star Trek, Sulu will be hetero.
The replicator in Spock’s quarters makes the best appletinis.
When was Donnie Darko cast as Kirk?
In JJ’s Star Trek Kirk orders Mr shulu to go Warp Speed so he wont be late to Theater Club.
It’d be funny if spock was wearing a trench coat and glasses so he wouldn’t be recognized before entering the holodick.
In JJ’s Star Trek, the Holodeck’s top request is a Minneapolis Airport Bathroom.
Zacahry Quinto’s spock has really fucked up eyebrows.
Really dude, are you a fucking sasquach? Pluck or wax asshole. Those things could shelter the Donner party. Fuck.
Eric Bana plays the bad guy in this film: a heinous man whose only wish is to enforce the curfew, no matter what the costs.
If this was really what Gene Roddenberry had in mind when he thought up Star Trek, none of us would be having this conversation.
After hours, JJ’s Kirk likes to “get his Cher on.”
In J.J’s Star Trek, Montgomery Scott is known as “Hottie”
Zachary Quinto’s Spock keeps asking Kirk if he’d like to take a wormhole to the Delta Quadrant.
Favorite past time on JJ’s Enterprise, spacedocking.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock’s lower back tramp stamp says ‘Enter Prize’ with an arrow pointing to his pooper.
Little known fact, Spock and Kirk invented Deep Space Nine about 200 years before they gave that name to a space station
ENGAGED!
I wouldn’t have guessed that The Next Generation were all ass-babies. Go figure.
When JJ’s Kirk yells, “Shields!” everyone throws on a condom.
Zachary Quinto translated to Klingon is ‘Zac Efron.’
Fek, get my back on that one.
J.J. Abrahm’s Kirk had it changed to “Mauve Alert” because the Red washes him out.
Pine’s Kirk speaks with lots of pauses because Quinto’s Spock is blowing him.
This… feels… amazing… … … … … Spock!
JJ’s Spock will be in charge of space docking and maintaining the Captain’s log.
JJ Abrams kept the early drafts of the script secret by changing the title page to Zack and Piney Make a Porno.
Pine’s Kirk and Quinto’s Spoock have a stardate on Friday night.
Shart Feet, what happens when you get a little loose walking around naked.
{cocks gun, waits for “Klingons around Uranus” comment}
I’m like a Spock in that my Father is an emotionless asshole and my Mom likes to fuck aliens.
That’s not true. But my Step-Father, that’s tribble of a different color.
I’m not like “a” Spock. More like a dumbfuck that changes stream right in the middle of a thought.
Fuck.
Kirk left his lover a “Dear KHAN!!!” letter.
In JJ’s Star Trek, the Genesis Device is an MP3 player with only “Land of Confusion” and “Invisible Touch” on it.
If this has been used before, I apologize.
Pine wanted the prop guy to make his phaser have a “tickle” setting.
JJ Abrams’ Spock and Kirk set their phasers to STUNNING.
Zachary Quinto’s Spock is a bad ass that burn genital warts off his dick with a cigar.
In JJ’s Star Trek, Romulan Ale has been replaced with Red Bull and Jager.
On JJ’s enterprise the shuttles look like Miatas.
JJ’s Enterprise has a “No on Prop 8″ bumper sticker.
In Spock no one can hear you scream.
JJ’s Enterprise isn’t part of Starfleet; it’s in the space navy.
JJ’s Enterprise has a rainbow air freshener hanging from the veiwscreen.
Pine’s Kirk sucked a green dick.
JJ Abram’s Enterprise has a bumper sticker that says “I (heart) Uranus”.
Instead of a Captain’s chair, JJ Abrams’ Enterprise has a Sybian.
JJ’s Enterprise travels back in time to save gerbils from extinction.
Pine’s Kirk is fluent in 30 alien versions of the foot tap.
wow, interstellar dick sucking, allright!
Quinto’s Spock doesn’t love the feel of a cock in his mouth, but thinks it’s illogical for it not to be there.
Pine’s Kirk was inspired to join Starfleet by listening to Gary Wright’s song Dream Weaver.
Mission: To gently go where no man has gone before.
This Spock’s only emotion is “Super!”
Little known fact: The red planet that the Enterprise can often be seen circling isn’t a planet at all; it’s a close-up of Spock’s prolapsed anus.
New Up, More gayness!!
In an emergency, the crew of JJ Abram’s Enterprise is fully equipped with glow sticks.
Instead of Klingon’s JJ’s Star Trek has Klingers, a race of cross-dressing aliens.