LIAM NEESON WILL F’ING KILL YOU

11.26.08 Written by Vince Mancini

The new poster for Taken (click on thumbnail below for full size) has been released.  Like the trailer, it seems to focus on the “Liam Neeson is pissed” angle.  “I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT IF YOU DON’T LET MY DAUGHTER GO I WILL FIND YOU I WILL KILL YOU,” it reads.  Note the all caps and lack of punctuation.  It could be a clue.  Maybe Liam Neeson’s going to get his daughter back by sending the kidnappers some really nasty MySpace messages.  And by Liam Neeson, I mean of course neEZyP1MP~BiGEiRE^QuiG0n*$$Thow’DuPnummaWun.

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TERMINATOR HAS SOME CRAZY POSTER

11.25.08 Written by Vince Mancini

Sony’s site for Terminator Salvation recently added with this crazy flash animation thing where an aerial shot of the city turns into a Terminator face with the tagline “The End Begins”.  Hey, wasn’t it originally called “The Future Begins“?  Make up your damn minds.  Meanwhile, CHUD claims it’s more than just a flash animation:

It’s a flash movie on the Sony site (they’re handling internation distribution), but it’ll likely be a motion poster at your local theater.

Whoooaaa.  I’ve never actually seen a motion poster at a theater before, but I assume they’re something like the roster pictures on Monday Night Football, where you think it’s a still picture at first until all of a sudden the guy blinks at you, at which point you realize someone out there actually decided video of a dude creepily staring at you was preferable to a photo.  Anyway, cool poster.

In related news, the He’s Just Not That Into You poster has Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck, and the guy from Entourage on it! OMG, it’s just like the collages I used to make!  Except with less puffy paint.

[Second poster source = JoBlo]

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DO NOT TOY WITH ME, STALLONE!

11.25.08 Written by Vince Mancini

Given that Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables is already set to star Sly, Jet Li, and Jason Fock’n Statham, you might rightly wonder how it could possibly get more awesome.  Well bend over, Abigail May, because the cast may include DOLPH LUNDGREN.  Said Stallone at the Transporter 3 premiere:

INTERVIEWER: The Expendables, are you looking forward to that?
STALLONE: I’m so looking forward to that.  I think we’re getting close to putting Dolph Lundgren in it – it’ll be like a homecoming of tough guys.

And you know what happens at tough guy homecoming, right?  They get lit on punch, run a train on the homecoming queen, and murder an entire platoon of enemy brown people – ONE BY ONE, with knives and piano wire and punches to the face.  And then they blow up the whole goddamn school, just to show that weaselly poindexter of a principal that wars ain’t won with classrooms, or books, or wearing shirts. They’re won by MEN with GUNS, and KARATE!

*throws a baby into traffic, dives off overpass, speeds away on roof of passing semi*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

[via CHUD]

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THE I AM LEGEND STORY EVERYONE’S COVERING

11.25.08 Written by Vince Mancini

This story broke yesterday and for some reason every movie blog on the internet is reporting it.  It comes from one of AICN’s infamous anonymous sources, one who even they say is untested.  And he has some *important* news about the I Am Legend prequel.

Let’s start at the beginning. Will Smith is actually the one who developed the initial story. It took place several years before the original film and there were still pockets of survivors and the story centered around Smith interacting, bonding, and ultimately failing to save them. For months this was the story. Warner’s didn’t much care for it and Smith and Weiss eventually came on board and all parties agreed to change things up. Well this change is pretty insane, the film is no longer a prequel, it’s a f-cking sequel!  [AICN]

So, to recap, some random guy on the internet says a movie in which Will Smith dies at the end is going to have a sequel, and everyone reported on it. Join us tomorrow for exclusive commentary on the dump I just took!  Ooh look, there’s some nice marbling on this one…

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SHATNER TALKS ENTERPRISE, FIGHTS A LIZARD

11.25.08 Written by Vince Mancini

Here’s the real Bill Shatner giving JJ Abrams a piece of his mind vis a vis the design for the new enterprise. Holy shit, this is gonna be so controversial!

“To me it looks very much like the old Enterprise, which is terrific. It was a great design, a great, imaginative design. I gotta tell all of you, whether a window is blue or green, whether it’s up here or down there, it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that… it’s ship shape.”

And he continues, in a similarly nonsensical fashion. Basically, he says the new Star Trek will be good if it’s like old Star Trek. Hey! You know what this post could use? A fight scene from the original Star Trek!
Read the rest of this entry »

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