Friend and frequent FilmDrunk correspondent Jason Statham recently sat down with MTV to discuss The Expendables, his recently announced project with Jet Li and Sylvester Stallone.

“It’s a great circle of people to be involved with,” Statham whistled. “Sly is someone I grew up watching on TV and on the movies. He’s a living legend. He’s one of the biggest action stars that Hollywood’s ever seen, the whole world’s ever seen. And so the chance for me to come all these years later and be working alongside Sly is just one of those like pinch-yourself moments.

“Rest assured,” that with that cast, “it’s going to be a kickass film,” Statham boasted.

This is just stupid.  Everyone knows that’s not how Jason Statham talks.  Reached for comment, the real Jason Statham said:

Oi, ‘pinch moyself’?  Is you out a your fock’n moind?  Oy’s Jaison fock’n Stafam, now doesn’ oy?  If oy wants ta be pinched, oy kin foind fock’n free fousand fit birds ta do it for me, now can’ oy?  Cheeky cunts, ‘ow’s a bout oy pinch your fock’n brain wif moy fock’n fist, innit?  Oi, ‘ow bout if oy taike moy shir’ off an’ pinch a fock’n loaf roight on your chest?  Oi, ‘ow bout if oy pinch dis fock’n half poipe wif moy fock’n BMX boicycle?

Roighto den, Oy fink you cunts ‘ave just about exhausted dis pinch business, now ‘aven’t dey?  Bring roun’ moy sazz wagon.