HEY, DORK, YA LIKE SWORDS?
11.03.08Opening December 5th, Reclaiming the Blade is a documentary about the brave men and, uh, other men, who dedicate their lives to learning the ways of the sword in order to make the movies you and I watch more realistic. We had a group like this in college, where a bunch of dudes would come out to the quad and hold huge pretend battles with wooden swords where they’d have to limp and hop around on one leg and argue about who was more realistically portraying a sword wound. Man, those guys got so much pussy.

My favorite movie swordfight is when the guy with the big scimitar gets shot by Indiana Jones in Raiders. Guns are awesomer, and also more phallic, than swords.
I use this same line when I talk to Middle School kids… right before I teach them the dangers of talking to strangers.
Sword Expert: “thousands of hammer blows have to be just right…”
MC Hammer: “Tell me about it.”
“The Sword in the Stone” is my euphemism for anal sex. Hail to the king, baby.
So is “reclaiming the blade” what you call it when you remove the “sword” from the “stone”?
Bah! Want to score some real high-grade tail? Recite Shakespeare in the authentic, original Klingon!
I guess for the sake of dick metaphors, my sword would be plastic and served with a martini.
*chodin enters quad*
I could never understand the guys who I used to reenact Viking battles with. One moment I’m being told to act more realistic, but then the next, everyones all shouting at me as I begin to fake-rape the women.
I don’t have a dork, but if I did, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t like swords.
So what’s the clip? Star Wars Kid?
I’m glad someone is taking this shit seriously. This was always my issue with ‘Ice Pirates’: gay dudes would never fight like that.
This was always my issue with ‘Ice Pirates’: gay dudes would never fight like that.
Strangely, this was similar to my concern with “Butt Pirates.” No pirate would hoist a jib that way.
His mustache is like a harelip toupée.