GOOD SIR CAGE, REPORTING FOR DUTY
11.17.08
Watch out, he steals chihuahuas!
In Season of the Witch, Gone in 60 Seconds/Swordfish director Dominic Sena directs Nic Cage and Ron Perlman as “two 14th-century knights who transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce her powers could be the source of the Black Plague.” Bottom line, this movie sounds f-cking awesome.
I assume they chose Nic Cage’s forehead and Ron Perlman’s face to transport the witch so she’d be left to assume her sorcery would have no effect on them.
I’m also attaching a picture of this guy, because I’m pretty sure he caused the plague.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/Nic-Cage-yearbook-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/eyelash-kiss-virgins-150x150.gif)
Robert Pattinson gave me the mumps when I met him. FACT!
Is there anything bigger than IMAX? I’m worried about being able to get Cage’s forehead and Perlman’s face on screen at the same time.
Robert Pattinson was one of Yahoo’s 25 Hottest Hunks! BURN HIM! BURN THE HE-WITCH!
Is that the “You Gonna Get Raped” darkie in the background?
There were no Beggin’ Strips in Medieval Times, therefore there are no Beggin’ Strips at Medieval Times.
psst, sugartits! Those are for the dog.
Stocking caps apparently have a long and storied past as robbery accessories.
*SPOILER ALERT*
Turns out she really is a witch, but none of her potions ever work because she insists on adding Eyes of Noctum to everything and the only thing that’s good for is daddy issues.
I assume they chose Nic Cage’s forehead and Ron Perlman’s face to transport the witch so she’d be left to assume her sorcery would have no effect on them.
This sentence could use a little more certainty.
Is that Michael Winslow?
Turns out she’s not a witch; she’s Carmen San Diego.
If you could’ve seen my face when I typed it you’d know how motherfuckin certain I was.
So I’ve been Watching Sons of Anarchy, and everytime Ron Pealman’s face pops up on the screen my asshole puckers up a little. By then end of the show, I’m exhausted.
I read this book about the woman in question. Her name is Hazel, and a mere touch from here would make your ass feel better.
Dor sho gha! Since when does Friar Tuck have a rat terrier and Robin Hood look like he lives in the sewers of NYC??? Don’t even get Him started on LITTLE John’s GIGANTIC forehead!
So are they all standing on witch mountain?
{hangs head in shame}
I like the Obie Wan wannabes thinking, I’ve never met a Jack Russel terrier I didn’t want to beat with a stick.
If you could’ve seen my face when I typed it you’d know how motherfuckin certain I was.
You must pulverize your spacebar.
Just because there’s a black president it doesn’t mean that R. Kelly and his underage girlfriend/urinal get to ruin the Renaissance Fair by showing up with their blue jeans and Cheetos.
Donk, don’t get me started. This game is really pissing me off and I swear to holy hell if the commish doesn’t give me my promotions in a more timely manner I am going to freak out. I mean, how many times do I have to catch Minnie Series and Earl E. Bird before I can take a go at the main bitch?
I thought witches wore pointy hats, not parka’s with fur-trimmed hoods
When Ron Perlman rides a horse, other horses assume that they should just “give them some privacy”
Burnsy, Pujols winning the MVP is a fucking farce!
*sits in corner for going off topic*
*runs over to the corner*
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ron Perlman makes my pujol pucker.
Anybody remember that scene in Army of Darkness when Ash opens the wrong Necronomicon and there’s a vortex inside?
Ron Perlman looks like that happened to Patton Oswalt.
Dan Rosen is like the Filmdrunk version of Paul McCartney now.
For Ron Perlman “Face Time” is a measure of distance slightly smaller than a light year.
I think it says a lot that Sena has directed 10 movies and three of them were Janet Jackson specials.
I hear thyme is the real season of the witch.
Is that the guy from Craptastic’s old avatar?
Does Ron Perlman always have the Hellboy horns on?
Ron Perlman’s name in this is Darth Marfan.
Everyone needs to do themselves a favor. Even if you have to wait until you get home to do it, go to gorilla mask, click the link for the beat box guy, turn up the volume and get ready to dance your white asses off. Holy shit…
Cheetos are a secret cure for Plague AND Leprosy. Betcha didn’t know that.
New up, confusing lexicon.
how did a jedi sneak on set?
Here’s the thing about Ron Perlman, and this is a FACT. You can argue it if you want, but you’ll look stupid. You’ll look as stupid as if you were arguing the earth is flat or Beanie Babies aren’t a good investment….
Ron Perlman looks like a cat. Not like, every cat in the world….but when you see one of those cats that looks kind of retarded, with the big nose thing….the kind that makes you go “I bet that cat rarely lands on it’s feet”….That kind of cat. Ron Perlman looks exactly like that.