GEE, I WONDER HOW THIS WILL TURN OUT
11.28.08
In The Ugly Truth (trailer after the jump), Katherine Heigl plays the bitchy career woman who’s unlucky in love, who gets stuck working with an incorrigible male chauvinist played by Gerard Butler. They can’t stand each other at first, but before you know it, blah blah blah it’s pretty much like 27 Dresses. Let’s see if you can guess how this one ends:
A. We find out Katherine Heigl was a man all along.
B. Rosebud was the sled
C. Katherine Heigl discovers Gerard Butler is really a sensitive soul and they fall in love when she convinces herself that she can change him
D. Just when the aliens are about to win, we find out they’re allergic to water.
E. Money shot
It’s a good thing Heigl isn’t forced to do sexist movies like Knocked Up anymore. Now she can devote her full focus on these empowering stories of feminists, who find true happiness only when they meet the right guy. Woohoo, girl power!
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F. Donkey Punch.
G. BTK van speeds away from shallow grave near wooded country lane. Deep in space loud, rumbling belly laugh is heard. BTK van re-cloaks.
If this were a Brett Ratner film, I’d vote for option A, then E.
Tell you what, I think Made of Honor and Mad Money have some company in the Best Picture category now.
So this is the movie that finishes the sentence. “He’s just not that into you because you’re fat”
H. She goes shoe shopping to fill the void in her soul left by a man that cheated on her with her loose, ex-best friend that liked anal?
“I like a woman on top…”
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! I can’t wait to tell my pilates instructor that one.
If I had the power to make a deal with all the ladies out there, I’d offer to have Hollywood stop making the moral of chick flicks “have realistic expecations” and all I would ask for in return is more boobies.
I. Heigl untucks and yells “THIS IS SPARTA!!”
I wish this movie was more about her date with Kevin Connolly. And hopefully he would just talk about his real life experiences on the set of Entourage because that would be…
*blows his brains out*
Thanks for spoiling the end of Kane dickface.
Mero, you didn’t know that Kane was allergic to water? C’mon dude, you’ve had 67 years.
Remember when this movie was called Someone Like You and What Women Want? How about some originality? Like, instead of Gerard Butler exposing his softer side, he gets her drunk, fingers her butthole and then never calls her again.
Burnsy, I think that would be called The Smelly Truth
J. Heigl goes clubbing with her girl friends and goes home with one of the guys from Guido Beach.
I. Her skin lies crumpled up on the floor next to Erswi’s bed. Chodin slams down the phone and screams, “COWABUNGA!”
Instead of exposing his softer side, Gerard Butler knocks up her sister and then beats the piss out of her dad.
K. Once she finds Mr. Right, Heigl decides to move in with him, but when he wakes to find her getting out of the shower, he sees her without made up hair or make up and discovers The Ugly Truth. That some women are butt fucking ugly when out of costume.
L. She finds out it was Fredo who set her up.
[ Fek, yours should be K.]
Banner Pic: “Ok, Mr. Spock, I have my hand up there, now what do I do to start the meld?”
M. It was that pimp Barzini all along.
Straight up, if that fucking bitch put that hand in my face, the last thing she would fucking see in the short fucking remainder of her life is the Bic lighter being held up to my bungholio.
fek,
More like the old “lit candle in the vag as she hangs up side down from the ceiling of an abandoned warehouse”.
— I’m Jersey Old School.
How the fuck did He mess up the sequence so fucking bad?
Oh, He knows! HE IS AT FUCKING WORK ON THE FRIDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING!
Not that it bothers Him.
TW, have you been watching the nonstop Godfather II airings on AMC, too?
yup.
Banner pic: Heigl shows proper reverence to her Fuhrer before starting the work day.
Teng-You have obviously never seen a Klingon light a fart. It is like an Iron Maiden video.
N. Gerard Butler is a zombie and just wants to eat her brains. He ends up starving.
Gobbly goobly goo!
fek,
I guess it really is a Black Friday for you.
Hopefully you’re the only one there and are pantless.
–
fek, nice.
My best friend growing up was the king of that. His wife can even put up a good “storm cloud” with a bic. And to top it off, she looks like Heigl, with nicer breasts and no bad attitude.
O. Heigl dies of cancer and Butler goes on to dedicate the remainder of the season to her.
P. Golden shower!
(it had to be done)
O.P.P. Butler fucks all of her friends.
Q. Heigl knocks out Randy Couture.
Banner pic: Butler just found out he was the second Gerard to discover her “ugly truth”.
Q. John de Lancie changes her into a pond of goo.
Q. Heigl fucks so badly that Butler turns gay because of it.
KAHLESS DAMN IT ALL TO GRETHOR, BRUNS!
P. They get married and live happily ever after until one day are found dead because creosote deposits have closed off their fireplace chimney.
R. Butler discovers Heigl’s furry click.
R. Pirates?
- I’ll go warm up the corner. See you soon, J.
Fek,
*clap*
*clap*
*clap* . . .
erswi-Fucks all her friends? He would be drawing as much tail as you and He have been lately! :(
R. They go to Paris and he ends up banging her in her ass, using butter as lube.
S. Heigl and Butler get married and honeymoon in Mumbai.
T. Not likely, it’s Katherine Heigl we’re talking about.
(I knew I should have written up that Q beforehand so I just had to copy/paste when the time was right.)
:( Mega frownies
Good point Fek. Let’s see, he ends up fucking everybody that hates her?
But not me! I hate her but I am NOT gay!
honeymoon in Mumbai.
ROFLKOTAL!
U. Butler throws a bucked of PANDA SEMEN on her and does air guitar.
Fek, your Q was much better once I Googled John De Lancie.
erswi,
you know you’d throw her a hate fuck? who you kidding?
we all would.
goWoo-It’s true, I’d pluck out an eye and skull-fuck her.
TW, if by hate fuck you mean roll up in the BTK van, knock her on the fucking head with a bat, carry her off into the woods and bury her ass up in a shallow grave where I could return on occasion to necro-fuck her decomposing asshole . . .
then yes, I guess I would.
I should probably seek help for that, huh?
Tengo, I disagree. That’s just because I don’t technically consider them to still be a person after they’re dead.
Donk, FTW!
I think Tengo got his answer.
New up. With more fahkin’ queeah!
H. Gerard Butler gun rapes Heigl for innapropriate use of forms of you’re.
THIS IS…SHIIITTTT!!!
(kick)