DO NOT TOY WITH ME, STALLONE!
11.25.08
Given that Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables is already set to star Sly, Jet Li, and Jason Fock’n Statham, you might rightly wonder how it could possibly get more awesome. Well bend over, Abigail May, because the cast may include DOLPH LUNDGREN. Said Stallone at the Transporter 3 premiere:
INTERVIEWER: The Expendables, are you looking forward to that?
STALLONE: I’m so looking forward to that. I think we’re getting close to putting Dolph Lundgren in it – it’ll be like a homecoming of tough guys.
And you know what happens at tough guy homecoming, right? They get lit on punch, run a train on the homecoming queen, and murder an entire platoon of enemy brown people – ONE BY ONE, with knives and piano wire and punches to the face. And then they blow up the whole goddamn school, just to show that weaselly poindexter of a principal that wars ain’t won with classrooms, or books, or wearing shirts. They’re won by MEN with GUNS, and KARATE!
*throws a baby into traffic, dives off overpass, speeds away on roof of passing semi*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..
[via CHUD]
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Dor sho gha! The hymen sacrifice to Kahless DID work!
Why do I get the feeling we’re all being led to a daisychain?
The Expendables is a great name for the movie, because every time I hear more about it I have to change my underwear.
Keep getting old guys and they’re going to have to call this one ‘The Depends-ables’ instead.
…because it’s an adult dia.. you know what? Fuck it. I know where the corner is, thank you very much.
If Sly feeds them all HGH, they could call it The Expandables.
If you haven’t already been warned of the dangers of the tanning bed and excessive plastic surgery, see the Planet Hollywood pic. FUCK MIKE!
If you ask for spiked punch at a tough guy homecoming, make sure you’re getting a drink and not an angry asian man who wraps his hands in tape and sticks broken glass to them.
In the case of a necessary alliteration, Lundgren volunteered to be The Expoundable.
Chyna is the only candidate for Tough Guy Homecoming Queen.
Is it just me, or does everything I say seem more annoying with a Sexman avatar?
It’s just you, Jack!. Not your av.
I took my date to Taco Bell and ate six burritos before Tough Guy Homecoming and didn’t go to the bathroom the whole night.
*flexes*
The theme for this year’s Tough Guy Homecoming Dance is “Navy SEAL Training On The Beach”
The Expendables already sounds like it could be more fun than QT’s Misspelt Bastards. If they could get Bruce Campbell and the great Vernon Wells too then he could just have a fucking masterpiece on his hands.
for Toughguy Homecoming I raced on the Rainbow track of mario kart 64 on 150cc OOH WAH AH AH!!
Al, shut the fuck up.
Bex-that was pretty fucking epic! QAPLAH!
Here comes the gravy pipe!
Stallone to casting director: “And I want Charlie Bronson, John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, Clark Gable, Humphrey Bogart, and Chuck Norris, too…wait, what I am thinking? Am I crazy or what? Not Norris, he’s a jerk.”
Stallone to casting director (continued): “AND, I want Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde…for SPICE!”
The Unintelligibles.
Asked about “Transporter 3,” Stallone said, “I wuz kinda disappointed, I kept waitin for the trucks to change into them giant robots and it never happened.”
I got dragged to a Tough Guy Sadie Hawkins Dance once by a chick with thick, hairy arms.
Stone Soup in the Stallone dream team movie (6619)thread with the simple but effective “The Unintelligibles.”
Robert Mitchum, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson and James Coburn all look down from Epic BadASS heaven and scoff.
Fuck. That was supposed to be in the nominations thread. Spoiled the fucking surprise now.
S’ok CB, it’s on page 1, no one will see it now.
*hands out buttons reading “Ahnuld for Homecoming Queen”*
Asked about “Transporter 3,”
StalloneJohn mayer said, “I kept waitin for the trucks to change into them giant robotsI’m waiting on the world to change.”Fixed?
Tough Guy Homecoming King is decided by Royal Rumble. Last one in the ring gets the crown.
That’s because i had to click back and get the fucking thread number. Nominous made me laugh earlier but you can fuck off if you think i’m going through all that again. Might just start handing out +1s instead.
My dick is flexing a 6 pack.
This film will also have shakey camera syndrome, but it will be due to the geriatric camera man Stallone tapped for the film and his “shakey old guy” dissorder.
Is it just me or does it look like Rambo just whispered “butt secks” into that guys ear on the right?
The banner pics are the sexiest Heimlich maneuvers ever.
Treat Williams, Don Johnson, and David Caruso responded to Stallone’s “Tough guy homecoming” comment with a scoff and a whimpering “Fine, we’ll just start our own club”.
This movie is one Bolo Yeung away from being the best movie ever!
Is John Saxon still alive? I want him in it.
“It’s the dough, Roper, or we gotta break something.”
much love, CB.
Don “the Dragon” Wilson left his resume at the reception desk but Stallone hasn’t called back yet.
Toughguy Homecoming is a Varsity Leather Jacket and Clip-On Tie affair.
Is the bad guy going to be a guy in a suit and sunglasses who never actually fights?
There should be a warning with this post, as it is near impossible to wipe the collective spooge of FilmDrunkards off the inside of the computer
The Tough Guy Homecoming Committee got together and rented a tux for Yonkers Joe’s son because they like him so much.
Lambo, Locky, and Transpowta ah rowed up in one! Rike a muttiprex streamed dumpring!
MINDBLOWING new up!
News like this is exactly why I browse FD with my dick out.