Bear with me, folks, this one requires some backstory:  So the other day, I did a post about a new Broken Lizard movie, in which I quoted a Variety article saying Dan Rosen (whom I’d never heard of before this) would be directing.  In the comments section of that post, Jacktion! wrote:

Dan Rosen will not be directing.
It is with a heavy heart that I report to you that Dan Rosen, and friend Bob Crantzin were involved in an accident last night when their car collided head on with the car of NBA commissioner David Stern and his friend Johnny Guild.

Rosen, Crantzin, Guild, and Stern are dead.

I’m not usually one for Shakespeare references, but well done, I thought.  Then Saturday morning, I received the following email:

To Whom it may concern. Hi. My name is Dan Rosen*… this was posted on your site today:

[quotes Jacktion!'s comment from above]

My sister saw this- did not get whatever stupid joke this asshole was making- and thought I was killed in a car crash. I was on a location scout all day with no reception. Do you know how many crying phone calls I got from her? My mom is very ill and my sister had to wrestle with telling her that her youngest son had died. Are you f-cking kidding me? How can you let someone post that? This has nothing to do with someone having a sense of humor or not- you can NOT JOKE ABOUT SOMEONE DYING! it’s never funny…

Please take that shit down.

thank you. Dan Rosen

As Jules Winfield might say, well allow me to retort:

*Editor’s disclaimer: Obviously I have no way of verifying whether this person is actually Dan Rosen or not, or is someone else named Dan Rosen, or whether it’s just a robot who likes to write complainey emails.

First of all, Dan, if this is really you, if one of my commenters caused your family grief, I most humbly and sincerely apologize (and I promise I don’t mean that sarcastically).  If anyone in your family requires further evidence of your vitality, I would happily forward them a picture of you with today’s newspaper, or a copy of Hamlet.

From now on, I will place a strict ban on all literary or theatrical references of any kind.  After all, someone could get hurt.  Furthermore, you have my deepest condolences that you and your sister’s relationship has deteriorated to the point that she must find out about your life by googling your name and reading the comments section of an obscure website, and then not do any further research to verify those claims, including scrolling four or five comments down the page where the reference was explained.  Though I must say, that she would so readily believe you were hanging out with the commissioner of the NBA speaks very highly of her opinion of you.

However, I must take exception to this “never funny” business.  I found it quite funny, and am in fact awarding Jacktion! COMMENT OF THE WEEK**, and sending him John Hodgeman’s MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE, because it is a very funny book.  In addition, you of all people, as a person who supposedly directs comedy movies, should understand that there’s nothing like someone telling you you can’t joke about people dying to make you really want to tell a joke about people dying.  I mean, have you heard the one about the guy and his wife out golfing?  What about dead baby jokes?  If you don’t enjoy those, sir, then I don’t think we can be friends.

Regarding your request that I “take that shit down”: I’m surprised by your implication that I am somehow responsible for everything my commenters say, or that your sister not understanding a pun should warrant immediate action on my part, especially when, as you point out, the damage has already been done.  I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree on this point.

In conclusion, YOU and THE PROVERBIAL HORSE YOU RODE IN ON are cordially invited to go f-ck yourselves.

Warmest regards,

Vince

**Nominate your favorite comments for next week’s COMMENTS OF THE WEEK awards in the comments section of this post.