Well folks, I have nothing quite so interesting to report this week as a quasi-celebrity blaming you for his sister presuming him dead, but I do have multiple DVDs to give away. For the Winner, X-Files: I Want to Believe, hitting DVD shelves December 2nd with a veritable cunt load of extra features.

Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny re-team to unravel a bizarre case right out of “The X-Files.” Amidst an eerily deceptive calm, F.B.I. agent Monica Bannan is abducted. Not only does the search for the missing woman ignite sparks between partners Scully (Anderson) and Mulder (Duchovny), it defies the boundaries of science, the supernatural and the terrifying spaces in between!

AAAAIIIIEEE!!!  And for the runner up, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All in stores November 25th.

Colbert is on his way to perform with Elvis Costello in New York City but is trapped by snow in his cabin in upstate New York (bear country).  Luckily, his friends Feist, Toby Keith, John Legend, Willie Nelson and Jon Stewart stop by to help him celebrate the season.  “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!” features original songs written by David Javerbaum (executive producer, “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”) and composer Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne), who recently collaborated on the Tony®-nominated Broadway musical “Cry Baby.”

Join me after the jump for list of winners and runner upses.  As always, nominate for next week in the comments section (which you can always find linked on the About page).

B.K. gave a great rundown of the new Star Trek trailer as viewed with the sound off:

“During a Fast & Furious movie shoot at the Grand Canyon, Cobra Commander flies in on a jetski and tells some little kid who later turns out to be James Kirk that he needs to stop crashing cars into the Grand Canyon, because they’re building a spaceport there. Then James graduates to motorcycles and eyebrow threading, and Spock’s mom tells him to get her another sangria so he joins Starfleet Academy. The two 16 year-olds are put in charge of the Enterprise and shit blows up and people take their tops off and John Cho is still miscast. The End.

Elsewhere, Craptastic and Stone Soup competed for best caption on this Clint Eastwood picture:

Stone Soup says, “I’m not sure what Clint is doing in the picture, but while it was on my screen, the spoon I was holding bent into a knot.”

Craptastic says, “Banner pic cap: {lady across room yells ‘Bingo!’}”

Burnsy had a solid response for my implication that if this is what Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter looks like, the Cheshire Cat will have meth mouth.

Burnsy says, “Meth Mouth was my favorite Cosby Kid.”

Pregnant New Yorker Michelle07 (don’t ask how I know things about her, just assume I know EVERYTHING) makes a case for why she’d be a great date to the JCVD premiere.

“I am so going to the premiere in a black maternity dress and convincing him the baby is somehow his. ‘Here, feel it kick. See? Can I have a car?’”

Be careful, I hear that’s how he met his last wife.  Aimlessly On has a convincing vision for Where the Wild Things Are.

Aimlessly On says, “If the studio had full control over this movie, there would be a Burger King logo on that crown.”

Not to mention that Bike Hero video:

Aimlessly On says, “This reminds me of the Super Mario recreation video I made. I basically threw a turtle shell at an Italian dude and then he fell off a cliff.”

Meanwhile. Burnsy had an excellent breakdown of the The Wrestler trailer:

Burnsy says:
“You should call her.”

“Thanks, got any other family advice, stripper?”

This one doesn’t need context:

Mark It Zero says, “‘Two part Asian epic’ describes every chinese meal I’ve ever eaten.”

Token Black Guy‘s comment on the Black Dynamite trailer (premiering in Utah) would be on here even if it weren’t for Affirmative Action.

Token Black says, “Hopefully that orgy will ease tensions a bit if they believe it’s a show of support for polygamy. They’ll probably have to dub over “the rest of the bitches” with “my other wives”.”

RoboPanda had a solid addition to my list of contravertial (and imaginary) things said by Will Smith:

RoboPanda says, “Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool/The banks and TV are controlled by the Jews.”

AND THE FIRST RUNNER UP, WINNER OF THE COLBERT DVD IS… newbie commenter So I, in the Twilight town becomes retard tourism destination thread.  I had to hand it to him, catching something I should’ve caught:

So I says, “Sorry I’m new, but I had to post this… ‘Edward Bites, Bella Creams?’” [it really does sum everything up perfectly]

And THE WINNER, OF THE X-FILES 2 DVD IS… and this has been a long time coming… The Mighty Feklahr.  You have to admit, this is pretty inspired – from the Ron Howard Arrested Development interview thread:

“Seconds later, Ron jumped up on the table, whipped out his pecker, and soaked down the reporter from Maxim with urine, screaming, ‘YOU DOWN WITH OPIE PEE? YEAH YOU KNOW ME!’”

What can I say, I can’t resist a golden shower joke.  Thanks for the laughs, you A-holes.