11.10.08 CHRIS NOLAN SUED FOR KILLING TURKISH WOMEN
Here’s a news lede that has everything:
ISTANBUL – The mayor of Batman, a city recently under scrutiny due to unsolved murders and increasing rates of female suicides, will sue the director of the movie “Batman” movie [sic].
Yes, there is a city in Turkey named “Batman”. And the mayor is suing Chris Nolan. Not DC Comics, not Warner Bros, but Chris Nolan. My sources tell me the only reason he didn’t sue Adam West is that he can hear your thoughts.
“The royalty of the name ‘Batman’ belongs to us … There is only one Batman in the world. The American producers used the name of our city without informing us,” [Mayor Hüseyin] Kalkan told to the Doğan news agency.
Mayor Kalkan said last year foreign media picked up on Batman and the city’s increasing suicide rates among women. He said a columnist asked why Batman’s mayor did not sue the movie Batman for royalties while struggling with economic problems. “We found this criticism right and started to look for legal possibilities of a case like that,” he said.
Meanwhile, local newspaper Batman Çağdaş alleged yesterday that Batman residents living abroad cannot use Batman as a title for their business, leading the municipality to think about the royalty rights of that name.
Batman Çağdaş newspaper reported that Şafii Dağ, a former Batman resident, currently living in the Germany city of Wesel, is one of those citizens who cannot use Batman as a title for his business, according to the newspaper. “I named my two restaurants Batman. But six months ago, a team of employees from the production company of the movie Batman made me change the title. Telling them that Batman was the name of my hometown did not change anything,” Dağ said. [Hurriyet Daily News via GeeksofDoom - Thanks to Kevin for the tip]
You might wonder why a city in Turkey would be named Batman. The answer is that it’s built on the banks of the Batman River. Duh.
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There are 42 comments about:
CHRIS NOLAN SUED FOR KILLING TURKISH WOMEN
The Iowa Hawkeyes are still > Penn State.
“I named my two restaurants Batman. But six months ago, a team of employees from the production company of the movie Batman made me change the title. Telling them that Batman was the name of my hometown did not change anything,” Dağ said.
The Mighty Feklahr must admit, this is pretty fucking mean. Instead of bullying this guy, why didn’t they just pay him off with a pack of cigarettes, a mule, and an eight year old concubine? Fuck! Kids are cheap overseas…get him a couple!
He’s also emploring the country’s leaders to sue Thanksgiving.
The city’s motto is, of course, “Dananananananana Batman!”
Next we’ll hear that the President of Greece will be suing John Travolta
The city’s motto is “Na na na na na na na na na na na na na”
Fuck, Burnsy
Gay Black Superman in Tevas is going to fly there and jerk off, just to say he came inside of Batman.
In fairness to Chris Nolan, in Turkish, “Batman” is pronounced “Hot Stink Town”
In other news, the mayor of Boom Town is suing Michael Bay.
This story ruins Sasha Baron Cohen’s next movie, “Bruce: Cultural Learnings of Batman for make Benefit Glorious Bank Account of Movie Studio.”
Donk, Bruns, that was kinda gay.
Please continue.
I hear the mayor of Mexico City is suing Lazytown.
The neighboring town of Robin also filed a similar suit against Joel Schumacher and won.
Kinda?
Elsewhere, the Mayor of Funkytown shrugged and went back to doing the electric slide.
Didnt you hear Miz? Funkytown was sued by Paris Hilton’s vagina.
The town is known to be a hotspot of Turkish politics and, as a result, one of the more popular shows airing there is ‘The Utility Beltway Boys’.
Batman’s Mayor went on to include: “This lawsuit *KAPOW!* is in no way *BLAMM!* frivolous, but speaks to the very *BIFF!* fundamental core of our *SMACK!* existence. *SPLAT!*
When asked if he thinks this will hold up in court, Dag replied “We have tape and some sticks, it should be fine unless its windy”
The mayor of Cut ‘n Shoot, Texas is suing directors everywhere.
It’s a good thing the caped crusader who found his strength through his fear of footrests didn’t make it big also. Of course, I could never really fully get into the adventures of Ottoman.
Whackety Schmackety Doo!
In other news the citizens of Filmdrunk, Azerbaijan were unavailable for comment as they were all wasting their entire work day on the interweb.
What are you trying to say, Erswi?
I think I’m trying to say “Job well done peoples.”
Is the Batman turkey all dark, brooding meat?
Sean Young has run for mayor of Catwoman unsuccessfully for 20 years.
Eibz, you forgot to say FIST!
If you look to the northeast of Batman, on the eastern shores of a lake, you’ll see a city whose mayor is suing Ford for their Econoline product and a shoe company that sponsors skateboarding competitions.
Im not used to the new pages, forgive !
The former mayor of Wasilla is trying to sue the director of Mystery, Alaska.
The owners of a small Colorado children’s wear store recently sued Samuel L. Jackson after their business “Little Motherfuckers” – named for their hometown of Motherfucker, Peru – was forced to close by the city council.
In Batman, everyone speaks Turkish in a fake, gravelly voice
Batman’s Mayor has never been thoroughly vetted by the press because everytime he gets a tough question, he uses his grappling hook and gets the fuck out of there.
All the sidewalks in Batman, Turkey are built to resemble sides of buildings.
In Batman they recently tore down statues of Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and George Clooney and replaced them with one of Christian Bale
While in Batman, don’t order the Alfred-O sauce; trust me on this one.
The varsity football team in Batman, Turkey has a long standing rivalry with neighboring town, Joker.
After 18 years, They Might be Giants finally feel vindicated as the news reporter got the location correct.
You’ll notice that Kalkan never explicitly names Chris Nolan. Are we sure they aren’t just now getting the Keaton version?
The proud people of Ass Bandits, Croatia are also preparing 78 separate cases.
Baz Luhrmann had better hope Australia doesn’t see what his new film is called or he’s fucked.
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