Simba heard about Subway’s “Five-Dollar Footlongs” and immediately started masturbating

It was a rough weekend for Schadenfreude Sloth, as most of the major releases surpassed expectations, led by Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa with $63.5 million.  Role Models landed in second with $19.3 million, while Zack and Miri Make a Porno dropped to fifth in its second weekend with $6.5, for a not-too-steep 35% decline from its first weekend.

Elsewhere, The Dark Knight should surpass $1 billion worldwide any day now, and Repo the Genetic Opera did a solid $6,447 per screen in limited release, proving… I don’t know, hopefully that people wanted to see Paris Hilton tortured and killed.  My Name is Bruce and JCVD made $4,444 and $11,673 per screen, respectively.  Meanwhile, my documentary Neighbor Lady Peeing premiered to largely positive reviews from the hoboes I invited to my apartment.  “I liked the part with the aliens,” raved Dumpster Denny.

(full top ten after the jump)

1. “Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa,” $63.5 million.
2. “Role Models,” $19.3 million.
3. “High School Musical 3,” $9.3 million.
4. “Changeling,” $7.3 million.
5. “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” $6.3 million.
6. “Soul Men,” $5.6 million.
7. “Saw V,” $4.2 million.
8. “The Haunting of Molly Harvey,” $3.5 million.
9. “The Secret Life of Bees,” $3.1 million.
10. “Eagle Eye,” $2.6 million.

[CNN]