MTV UK is currently reporting that Zac Efron has been cast in Pirates of the Caribbean 4 alongside Johnny Depp, and will earn almost $10 million for the role. Meanwhile, MTV US is going out of their way to debunk the same story, in yet more evidence for my thesis: All British People Are Liars.
It all made too much sense: Efron was a Disney star, “Pirates” was a Disney franchise. Efron was leaving “HSM,” Disney didn’t want him out of their grasp. And, I mean, if you can’t trust “The National Enquirer” and British tabloids, who could you trust?
Speaking to MTV News, Efron was adamant that the talk of his voyaging through the Caribbean was nothing more than a rumor. “No one has talked to me about it,” the “High School Musical 3” star insisted. “I didn’t even know [about it].”
That said, of course, [Efron] couldn’t help but smile at the possibility, telling us that just to be mentioned for a role was “awesome.”
“I didn’t know anything about that,” he said. “[But] cross your fingers for me guys!”
Look folks, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go ahead and make the obvious joke here. Actually f-ck it, I’ll just give you the punchline: “Butt pirate.”
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He’ll be the replacement for Kiera Knightley.
Johnny Depp will make Efron look like a Hanson brother.
He will cry if he is not the prettiest
The Mighty Feklahr will not comment on Zac Efron, but will instead spam the thread with His musings on that Vanessa chick’s hairy bush!
Efron’s pirate name will be “Sweet Cheeks” McGruder.
Fek, you know you want to bang Zac and Bill from Tokio Hotel. Dont lie or deny
Is it wrong if you kiss his poster if you poked a hole where his penis should be?
Pinkbeard?
Efron’s pirate has a parrot but he doesn’t keep it on his shoulder.
Efron has a new action figure out this Christmas
Tickle Me Homo
Jaime “Peachfuzz” Mendoza?
Efron’s pirate captains the S.S.ssss FABULOUS!!!
evidence for my thesis: All British People Liars
You forgot to add “Doctor Jones!” to the end of this statement, buddy.
Efron’s pirate finds all kinds of uses for pegleg’s.
God…please don’t taint my pirate movies with this. Please..we just got rid of Knightly.
Cannons on Zac’s ship fire glow sticks and glitter.
The Head Pirate Roberts.
Burnsy – that’s “Eth Eth”
I’d pay good money to be on set when the director tells everyone to set up for the poopdeck scene and Zac drops trou.
Naturally Efron will carry a butt plug at his side instead of a sword
Efron’s pirate’s handlebar mustache isn’t made of hair.
Efron’s pirate will replace the Jolly Roger with the rainbow flag.
CELEBRATE DIVERSITY!
Zac Efron is a natural fit for the part since he’s already so experienced in swordplay
Actually this is perfect casting… queers and pirates dress the same
Zac Efron’s “buried treasure” is the Buffalo quarter in his ass
Zac’s pirate thinks getting “keel hauled” is getting a reach around.
When it’s his turn to clean the head on the ship, Zac only puts the tip in his mouth.
Vanessa Hudgens could co-star as a character named ‘Beard’
Pirate Zac can’t wait to run Jolly Roger up the pole.
Vanessa Hudgens could co-star as a character named ‘Beard’
or Fuzzy Britches Molly, the exotic entertainer.
Instead of walking the plank, Efron’s pirate’s foes get fucked in the ass.
Zac’s pirate would start singing Gilbert and Sullivan numbers and then Keith Richards would show up and beat him to death with a guitar made of coconuts. And it would gross 100 million in the first weekend.
Vanessa’s snatch will be guest starring as the Kraken.
When told to swab the deck, Efron crammed a Q-tip in his peehole.
Chino – I didn’t mean to steal your Jolly Roger concept – my post was delayed by a phone call… I was hoping I’d hit it first.
Fek, you know you want to bang Zac and Bill from Tokio Hotel. Dont lie or deny
Hey, at least it isn’t Hawk and Animal from legion of Doom!
I think all of us were hoping we’d hit it first, Stoney.
J, you added another dimension of entendre there. well played sir
And, yes, I know Hawk is dead. ;)
Scott Hall’s not dead, he just smells like it.
Heath Ledger is being looked at for the “skeleton of a pirate in dungeon” role.
New Up! Arrr.
Finally they’re going to play up the sub-plot love story between Depp and the cabinboy.
I hope they call it Pirates of the Deep just so they can work in the following song lyrics between Johnny and Zack.
“And my dick runs deep so deep so deep
Put her ass to sleep”
Today was a good day.
his pirate name will be captain gerbil felcher