Beverly Hills Chihuahua opens today. I plan on seeing it here:
Yep, it’s come to this folks. Says Hollywood Reporter: “It’s looking like a dog of a weekend at the box office. Disney’s dog, to be exact, as the studio unspools “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” amid expectations that the live-action with talking dogs feature could fetch up to $30 million during its opening weekend.”
“Unspool”? Where was your cutesy dog-related verb on that one? Anyway, I say $20 million, tops. Still, this is a movie about f-cking rapping chihuahuas we’re talking about here. God help us. Also opening:
Blindness: City of God director Fernando Meirelles’ parable about the blind leading the blind, being protested by the blind.
An American Carol: Chris Farley’s brother is in a movie for some reason.
Flash of Genius: Greg Kinnear presents: Real Flash of Geeeee-niu-uuss / Mr. Inventor-of-the-Intermittent Windshield-Wiper-Guy…
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, and Megan Fox star in a movie where someone works at a fashion magazine. At this point, I’m pretty sure there are more movies about people who work at a fashion mag than there are fashion mags.
Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist: “Norah”? No one’s named Norah anymore. They just picked that because it alliterated. Strangely, “Norah’s” is “Sharon” backwards.
[video via ScreenJunkies]
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I had originally planned on spending the weekend letting my wife kick me in the nuts until I pissed a solid stream of blood, but now that I see what Hollywood has to offer, I think I’ll beat her about the tits until she lactates fruit punch. Get it? Punch? Aw, fuck you guys….I’m out. Have a good weekend, degenerates.
Doesn’t Religulous open this weekend, too? Mebbe I’m wrong…
HEY VALINCE!! You forgot Rachel Getting Married starring our love button Anne Hathaway. (and the oportunity to post pictures of her)
Yes Fek, Religulous and Tokyo Gore Police.
This weekend I think I will drink myself under the table when the Dodgers finish buttfucking the Cubs saturday night. Then go do mach .26 on my Ninja on Sunday.
Inbetween furious rounds of defiling myself.
If Beverly Hills Chihuahua pulls in $30 million this weekend, I’ll be spending next weekend outside the theater handing out free candy.
Did someone say “buttfucking”???
Wearing THIS!
<———————–
I think I’ll watch a Nick and Nora movie instead.
Where th efuck is the “New Up” guy? I was in the Angels and Demons thread beating-off with no one to cum on!
Someone needs to put this weekend to sleep.
Norah’s is S’haron backwards, but I see where you were going. If only it was called ‘Derf & Norah’s Infinite Playlist’.
Diremutt sez: Then go do mach .26 on my Ninja on Sunday.
This would be truly awesome if you weren’t referring to a motorcycle.
Or if you’re like me, this weekend you’ll be watching some dude fuck your girlfriend, from up in a tree outside her dorm.
No asshole, the dude is not fucking her from up in a tree.
Rot, HA! Picturing that made me make happy noises.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua would make a ton more money if the ad campaign just showed a guy buying the tickets and telling his date, “Yo quiero blowjob.”
Chod, I’ll fuck you up a tree.
Wait… wait. Both Beverly Hill’s Chihuahua and Nick and Norah open this weekend?! I only have $10! Oh god, oh god. Which one do I pick?!
I’m going to do my own little flash of genius this weekend. By that, I mean I’m going to dye all my pubes white and show everybody my Albert Einstein.
Depends Pauly, what kind of tree? Some are better to get fucked up, while others offer more support on the way down.
Donk = genious
Donk, I want to punch your avatar in the neck.
A Cunt Tree.
TRUE STORY: My boss set me up with a blind date this weekend; told me to take out his business associate’s niece who’s in town for two weeks from Germany.
Got the company card…got a hard dick…and once I fandango tickets to all these movies, I’ll be ready to fuck.
My niece said that she wanted to see the dog movie, so I throat chopped her and screamed “Stupid fucking retard” repeatedly at her for ten minutes. Now when the commercial comes on she just looks at me and starts to whimper.
Impossible Pauly. I thought you and I cut all of those down?
Chod, you gonna cut a turd on her chest? I heard it’s customary in Germany.
OK what the efuck chod? you mention throat punches and nieces in the time it took me to write that comment?
“efuck” is when wierd coincidences happen online.
To stay on schedule Crap, I better hurry the fuck up and start talking about “chick’s with hairy arms”.
Pauly, I was thinking more along the lines of picking her up tonight and taking her to the Jewish History Museum downtown.
Even Palin’s daughter is looking at the marquee this weekend, thinking to herself, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua? That’s fucking stupid…I wish I had a yellow hat…shit…in my pants” .
How’d you know I was gonna say something about my mom? Fucking wierd, man.
So when the statement for the card shows up will your boss wonder about the live goat, astroglide, and strap-on that was bought during your date?
I’m gonna’ go watch ‘Blindness’ this weekend, just so that I can tell the picketers outside that their outfits clash.
I’m going to watch my bootleg Step Brothers DVD this weekend, and Robert better not tell me anything, cause I WILL DROP THAT MOTHER FUCKER!
Crap, hopefully those “mentionables” sneak under the radar. It’s the duct tape and nunchuks that I’m sweating.
I want to sit front row at ‘Flash of Genius’, just so I can stand up halfway through and right before I dash out the fire exit scream, “Greg Kinnear is hot! NOT!!!!”.
” Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist [Until The Tape Deck Starts Making A Funny Noise And They Have To Press 'Eject' But Then That Shit Eats The Tape And While They're Fucking Around Trying To Fix It, Norah Suddenly Realizes That She's Driving And Then They Crash And Fucking Die...Like Most Teenagers] “
You guys ever seen the balls on a male rat? Fuckers are hung like Great Danes!
*returns to the party, realizes everyone has left, sits down and puts on party hat*
Hey Crap, their balls get smaller if you jack them off.
Haha, I’m talking about the rats not the Great Danes, faggot.
Hacking them off is an efficient way of making them smaller as well. And it’s less messy.
Fuck! Had a perfectly respectable rat testicle durst going there.
{sigh}
I think the AFI is full of shit because the Elvis Prestly opus Clambake never makes their top 100 films of all time list.
Diremutt! He puts the T in Presly!
I put the “zzzzzzz…” in sex.
I put the cock in your mouth.
I put the lotion on…
…I’d fuck me, I’d fuck me hard.
*turns on radio, but can only find ‘Hanging Tough’ by the New Kids On The Block*
*sniff sniff*
Yup. It’s game day.