Harry Potter fans were pretty pissed when Warner Bros decided to move the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from November ’08 all the way to July ’09. The move spawned a ton of negative press. But now WB (not really!) has a message for the Harry Potter fans: They’re through taking your shit. Says a (fake!) WB spokesman:
Go ahead, keep posting your comments disrespecting Warner Brothers. Maybe the next Harry Potter movie won’t be called The Half Blood Prince, maybe it’ll be called Snape Kills Dumbledore – Oh, I bet you didn’t know that already.
Pretty harsh. But the important thing is that production on the unauthorized Harry Potter movie I’m producing, Harry Potter and the Half Blood, Prince, is still right on schedule.
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WHAT THE FUCK, CHRISTMAS APE!! Dumbledore dies? How about a fucking spoiler alert.
What? Dammit, JHC. How about “here there be spoilers” , and say it in a piratey voice
I bet Vince’s version involves something that fans of Hermione have been waiting for for a long time.
Wow! Prince’s farts are greener than His!
Eib, Vince said it in the text. I didn’t know!
To one up Harry Potter, Axl shot a lightning bolt out of his ass.
*looks closer*
Oh, He meant PRINCE…
Even a half blood Prince still has more hepatitis than the average American.
If you’d read the books you’d already know about that potential spoiler. You’d be a faggot as well, but c’est la vie.
The Half Blood Prince is actually the love child of Queen Shararazod Mustafa of Oman and Crazy-Legs LeRoi Bennet from Compton.
That fake WB spokesman looks like he belongs in a movie titled “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Gitmo”.
I read the books, Erswi, am I a faggot?
J, you know they never pinned the paternity on Crazy Legs. You can’t even catch him to test him. That’s why he’s called Crazy Legs.
*stands behind Eib, gently grabs her hips*
Yeah erswi! Me too!
What are we talking about?
Eibz, so did I.
Shhhhhh . . .
Eib, we’ll need video evidence to be sure.
The half-blood prince is a hemophiliac on the verge of death.
there’s a difference between reading a book so you know the end before all your asshole douche-loving cum guzzling nothing better to do friends tell you all about it anyway, and being an asshole douche-loving cum guzzling nothing better to do looser who dresses up and prances around wearing a sock to ‘get into character’…
*looks up hemophiliac, walks away disappointed*
The half blood Prince purifies himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. I purify Harry Potter readers in the waters of my bathtub with a mini Tonka.
The half blood Prince purifies himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. I purify Harry Potter readers in the waters of my bathtub with a mini
Tonkatoaster.FIXED
Sounds like someone’s got issues.
When the movie airs on the West Side, it will be titled “Harry Potter and the Half-Crip Prince”.
Is this the sequel that Harry Potter gets naked with the horse?
@Kaysome… You mean like the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Nezzer, no it’s not. Just ask Fek. It’s the one where Hermione gets naked with the morbidly obese Klingon accountant.
It’s gonna be hot.
GUy’cha!
Hari Puttar laughed maniacaly, refreshed his head dot, and took a dump that stunk of curry so bad it sunburned his ass.
Just like the Red Hot Chili Peppers… didn’t you know that JK Rowling masturbates to Californication every morning and Doby the House Elf is her nod to this self-indulgence?
Only pessimists call the Prince “Half-Blood”. Optimists recognize that he is really Half Caramel.
Is it bad if my piss boot appears to be half blood?
**dials urologist**
Half CARMEL…. fuck the second ‘a’ I’ll say it how I want to say it. DON”T JUDGE ME!!!!
Say it however you want to say it, Dubya still spells it “nuclear”.
Where am I? Somebody hold me.
I’ll still spell it the same… but only until I take over the world … whose going to have time for spelling when I decree massive orgies mandatory three days a week?
The only thing that could make that video better is a cameo by Eddie Griffin saying “Who’s the bitch now?”
I won’t have time for spelling…
whose going to have time for spelling when I decree massive orgies mandatory three days a week?
Eunuchs? AIDS patients? Children? The Elderly?
The Elderly???
Do you know what goes on in those Retirement Homes??? You can score with old ladies at any time… Multiple times…
‘Yes I’m your husband…’
“Oh, Charlie!!!”
Obviously the orgies are going to be safe, Donk. AIDS will be made non-contagious through a magic wand I have from my first grade halloween costume, children will be in training programs based on maturity and age, the elderly will be in special groups where they get to use poligrip in new creative ways. And sex isn’t always about the penetration Donk… Eunuchs will have their place in our new society too.
*chodin enters FilmDrunk cave, finds on walls paintings drawn in shit*
My favorite is Motorboating those GMILFS….
Just lay down and have them stand above you….
*Begins preparations a la Brave New World’s John the Savage*
Also… GMILFS love those Golden showers….
I see R. Kelly at least once a week peeing on some old lady…
motor boating? I think you mean “Dumbo”ing…
I used motorboating just so you can understand…. Its more of a double pendulum…
They don’t call ‘em the Golden Girls for nothin’, do they dy Pa?
Are we talking about fucking old people, again? Because if we are, I’d just like everyone to know that my dick goes by “Mr. Catheter” down at the Merkley Brother’s Senior Living Center.
New Post please. Any time now.
AMEN!!! Gene Pool Amen
Kaysome says sex isn’t always about the penetration? Right. Next I suppose you’re gonna tell me that women can orgasm, too???
*whispers to Chodin*
shhhh, bro. I brought us some galoshes. Let’s go stomp in some puddles.
I often dream of Golden Showering my two favorite Golden Girls Betty white and Estelle Getty…
Unfortunately they don’t know how to share so they have to get their own special sessions…
But Bea Arthur and McClanahan know how to take one together…
There isn’t going to be a new post until i say something about Donkey Punching the GMILFS….
I don’t know if I want to hope that you had to look all of those names up …. because was it really worth the effort?
I ain’t punching shit, fuck off.
I just had to look up the slutty one because really remembers the name of a whore….
Next I suppose you’re gonna tell me that women can orgasm, too???
ROFLKOTAL!
Proper Grammar man would say:
I just had to look up the slutty one because who really remembers the name of a whore….
Uproxx is melting.
UPROXX!!!!!!
There isn’t going to be a new post until i say something about Donkey Punching the GMILFS
If only you could find a way to make it even remotely funny.
If this website goes kaput again. I’m not coming back until it promises to let me put more than just the tip in. Seriously.
FilmDrunk only seems to implode when I nominate something from C-Dog. Hmmm…..
I hope they don’t push the porno spoof back too: Harry Putter and the Half Nub Prince
The Mighty Feklahr resisted the urge to look at the pictures of Daniel Radcliffe’s penis, does this tarnish His Filmdrunk Honour?
I blame Big Kuntry King.
Fek, only if you could not resist looking at the horse’s penis.
It’s all my fault, guys.
I busted a nut in my disc drive, again.
appy polly loggies.
The site loads fine for me, but it looks like the humor went missing.
failblog.org/2008/10/01/christmas-candle-fail/
Hey, FUCK YOU Peet! Did you even fucking read my fucking Mick Jagger post in the GNR thread?
No shit J. I enjoy the attention, and love that I finally got a golden one through without the fucking servers eating themselves but shit dude, I’m starting to draw a conclusion here…
The last time it was your MJ Fox butt sniffing one. Maybe it has to do with your anus posts, in general.
I <3 you Fek.
Either that or Vince really doesn’t want you to ever win the Mucho Grande CoTW? Perhaps he views you as a second class citizen. Like a Black Republican or something.
Holy Mary Mother of Kahless, Fek! If that isn’t the official FD logo…..
What’d I miss dicktuckers?
*looks around*
Oh, nothing. I’m going back to work.
Hmmm, correlation = causation in this {finger gun to head} retard’s world. I say I use this to extort cash and sexual favors from VaLince and his Uproxx(xxxx!!!) overlords.
The last itme the servers caved, back in the Fat Penguin days, I had something up that was a rare gem, I’m calling Allan Wiesbecker about this, I’m sure he has a theory.
…
Did anyone elses computer just rail an 8 ball of Uproxx?
QAPLAH!
This server runs about as good as the dead dog I’ve got chained to the back of my car.
Uproxx is my browser’s anti-drug.
This site runs about as good as Big Brown on Quaaludes.
This site runs about as good as old jizz down the leg of a frozen dead hooker.
This site runs about as good as my shit I chucked at a window.
This site runs as good as Joe Theisman afer that awesome ‘Skins/Giants MNF game.
This site runs as good as Stephen Hawking
‘s slobber.Dude, guys, it’s working fine for me…
This site runs as well as Monopod, the one legged dog.
This site runs as good as Steve Prefontaine, these days.
It is now Fek. Before it was acting like it had low blood sugar.
This site runs as good as Christopher Reeves on fake meth.
This site runs as well as Stephen Hawking.
This site runs as good as roadkill.
This site runs as well as photoshop on a Commodore 64.
This site runs as well as Sarah Palin’s kid.
This site runs as good as a Chernobyl safety drill.
I’d nom the Palin Donk, but, you know…
This site runs as well as a centipede after a stroke.
This site runs as well as a baby in a backback in the caffeteria dumpster.
*Winks at C-Dog in accordance with CJC rule #6*
{wink returned}
This site runs as well as that stream of shit going down my leg after that over enthusiastic wink.
This site runs as well as a tranny hooker in lucite heels with goldfish in them chasing after me forgiving her crushed up salt instead of meth.
This site runs as well as Jlo in a triathalon
This site runs as well as well as your mother’s pantyhose.
This site runs about as good as this ol’ bag of dicks I’ve got here.
*kicks bag of dicks*
I dont have video proof I am not a fag. And, I like anal and blow jobs, so really, I am a fag. With boobs. And a vagina.
This site runs as well as John Candy’s heart
*High fives Eibz*
This site runs as well as WaMu.
“…aaaannnnndddd then we’ve got this site over here. Now I know what you’re thinking: but chodin, this site looks like it’s crashed. Alright, now it may not run as well as the other sites, but this ones got something special…this site has a dick.”
“…tranny hooker in lucite heels with goldfish in them chasing after me forgiving her crushed up salt instead of meth…”
You burn my mom one more time mothfucker and I will sodomize your cat!
This site runs as well as Lexi Alexander’s Punisher.
Hey man, all I’m saying is that Harry Potter fans should be thankful that the studio pushed this thing back. I mean, that’s like nine extra months for their immunities to evolve before they leave their parent’s house.
Chod – the CKT has a question for you…
This site runs as well as my FaceBook page.
This site runs like my family did from murderous warlords, which is, to say, not very well at all. Please, I need your help getting this money out of my country before I am captured!
This site runs as well as a geisha.
Ok, gotta run. Going home early to watch the Dodgers molest the Cubbies tonight.
GO BLUE!!
This site runs as well as my installation of Autocad 2000 on the antique Pentium II I’m relegated to.
Where are Stone and Nommy? They’d get my last comment.
This site runs as well as a hobbled slave
Oh we “got” it, architect – it just wasn’t funny.
This site runs as well as your Mother’s menstrual cycle.
This site runs like Kunta Kinte with no feet.
I heart you, erswi.
Thsi site runs as well as a blind person running a whore house.
How dare you make fun of the Swi. I will fight you!!!
This site runs as well as Pauly spells “this”
This site runs as well as a dick on an 80 year old.
*Pauly looks at his butterfly knife on his desk, then looks at Eibz*
Thsi site runs as well as frozen molasses going uphill.
Thsi site must run well.
This site runs like sloths fuck.
Effortlessly
What the hell is going on? Is this where the comments come to die? Where’d they go?
Oh, there they are. Nevermind.
This site runs as well as a campaign for HD-DVD.
This site runs as well as white people dance.
Theres still hope for that fat bonus check if you keep this shit up.
Theres still hope for that fat bonus check if you keep this shit up.
Vince gets an extra penny added to his paycheck every time somebody makes a simile. Do not question Uproxx’s methods. Uproxx is like something that somethings and that something is as something as something . . . You’re welcome.
There’s still hope for that fat bonus check if you keep this shit up.
*points at dick*
We all get bonus cheques for this, Missssss.
Well, not you you, but everyone else.
Me me me ME me me me….
^ might be drunk already, hard to say.
Al, you wanna give it a go?
*helicopters cock*
Why, Pauly, it doesn’t look like you’re having any trouble keeping it up all by yerself, dahlin’.
Cheers, my brotha.
psssssst… i am uproxxx
I AM A GOLDEN GOD!
I am Malcom X.