10.29.08 UTAH JAZZ OWNER BANS ‘PORNO’, ALLOWS ‘SAW’
“Baby Ruth?” Miller asked reporters at a recent press conference.
Larry Miller, owner of the Utah Jazz and the Megaplex Theater chain, has banned Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno (trailer), a week after showing Saw V on the same screens. It’s a good thing they didn’t go with the original title, Ajax & Genie Make a Torture Porn.
“We feel [Zack and Miri] is very close to an NC-17 with its graphic nudity and graphic sex,” the chain’s General Manager Cal Gunderson [who I guaran-goddamn-tee you hasn't seen it] said. Asked why Megaplex has no problem showing the R-rated, ultra-violent “Saw V,” which shows a man forced to crush his own hands to escape a pendulum cutting him in half, Gunderson said: “No comment.” [NY Post]
Gunderson doesn’t own the company and this probably wasn’t his decision, so I’m not sure why they went to him for comment, unless it’s because he has a silly name. Okay yeah, that makes sense. In any case, this isn’t the first time Mormon businessman Larry Miller, who presumably (and hopefully) reproduces asexually has faced controversy. Other greatest hits:
Banned Brokeback Mountain in 2006. Said he was concerned about “getting away from the traditional families”, what he called “a very dangerous thing.”
As the owner of a UPN affiliate, he demanded in 2000 the right to breach his contract with the network if it increased its “urban/ethnic programming” to more than two hours per week, due to lack of minorities within the Salt Lake Metropolitan.
Was sued by Casa Bonita, a Lakewood, Colorado restaurant for violation of intellectual property rights and unfair competition. They claimed that after Miller visited the restaurant several times and even asked to see the books, he opened a Utah knockoff called “The Mayan“.
“He is also known for his immense sense of caring and commonly cries at public speaking events such as Jazz player resigning and charity events.” *cough* PUSSY! *cough, cough*
But I’m sure he’s not a bad guy. He is well known for his charitable endeavors, including building a $21 million training center for cops and prison guards, and donating generously to the Utah Minutemen and National Guard. What a great man. After all, f-ck starving children and AIDS orphans, the most important charities are the ones that keep Mexicans off your lawn. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “May your children turn gay and marry negroes in France, you cocksucker.”
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There are 48 comments about:
UTAH JAZZ OWNER BANS ‘PORNO’, ALLOWS ‘SAW’
*LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY*
That caption tells me today is gonna be a good day. That’s the best one yet. I haven’t even read the post. Be right back.
Now that I see what kind of a man Miller is, I’m not surprised in the least that Karl Malone loved playing for him. He hates black people as much as Karl.
Mormon family values: The means by which people reproduce = not ok. The means by which people are killed = come on in!
Was Brigham Young a Raelian or something?
With all due respect, the Mormon religion clearly states:
“Let not your seed spill upon the ground lest it be from watching half naked dudes get their body parts crushed and severed. Amen”
Of course he hasnt seen the movie. Where the hell is he looking anyway?
In other news, he plans to make his own animated feature “Wally Eye”.
Banner Pic: Yoda?!?!
NO, Dr Steve!!! Yoda is wise, and porn lovin’
He saw both movies side-by-side and didn’t find a problem with Saw V.
Where’s he from anyway? Innsmouth?
I know a really cute girl in Utah.
*looks up “flipper babies” again*
I have an idea that will solve several problems all at once:
1. Dig a narrow (50 feet wide or so) trench from the middle of Salt Lake City - formerly a very large body of water - to the Pacific Ocean.
2. If the Global Warming crowd is correct, the sea levels will be rising several feet over the next generation, potentially flooding coastal areas around the globe until land masses are reduced in area.
3. When this happens, my ‘Great Mormon Equalizer’ trench will handle the overflow, using Salt Lake as a giant retention basin. We eliminate the intolerant and save the world from the need to drive stupid fucking electric cars.
The end.
I think Lonce just photoshopped two faces together. No way someone with that much money doesn’t buy a huge diamond to replace that dead eye.
No Burnsy, I honestly think that Lonce got a picture of him actually starting to asexually reproduce. He looks like hes heading to different directions.
I spelled “two” wrong. Im such a fag in the morning.
That guy looks like he survived two late-term abortion attempts.
Those aren’t eyeglasses, Donk. It’s a coathanger.
“May your children turn gay and marry negroes in France, you cocksucker.”
Qaplah, Lince! Not many people have the patience to sit down and translate the Klingon Season’s Greeting! You did a pretty good job, but He can see where you might confuse France with Romulus…
“Mr. Gunderson - Bob Wright with GM credit. I still haven’t received the invoices for the cars you promised…”
Pictured: Miller yelling at his charades partner “This means binoculars; how did you not get that?!”
Miller is simply showing off his talent of being able to follow two fingers at once.
Jazz fingers!!!
What can you expect from ol’ Cal “sonuva”-Gunderson?
Larry to his wife: I got stabbed in the eye with soldering iron again today. Where do you keep those googly eyes you put on your sock puppets?
“getting away from the traditional families”
Mormons are the last fuckers to lecture people on that
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