THIS WAS A BRETT RATNER JOINT
10.27.08I saw this latest commercial for Guitar Hero over on WithLeather and realized I’ve been meaning to cover this. The ad above was directed by Brett Ratner as part of his Brett Ratner Brands deal in which companies actually pay Brett Ratner to tell them what’s cool.
Ratner says the ad shows how the game brings people together. “This is a situation where you’d never (normally) see these four guys in a room together,” says Ratner, who also directed an earlier Risky Business-themed Guitar Hero TV commercial, as well more famous fare, such as X Men: The Last Stand and TV’s Prison Break. “Once you get a guitar and your favorite song on that game, it breaks down all barriers.” His on-set direction to each athlete: “Rock out.” [USA Today]
It’s not a bad commercial, but what I love is how he talks about it as if it took 15 years to develop.
Recently, I asked Brett about the nachos he’d just made. “So before I made these nachos, I was at the movie theater. The thing about movie theater nachos is that they only come with a little corner of cheese. So I was talking to my buddy Dradle Feldberger, the CEO of Tostitos, and were just saying how it’s weird that in the movie theater you get a soda and, you know, it’s like a 64 ounce job, or you get popcorn and it’s just slathered in butter sauce, but you get nachos, and they hardly give you any cheese! So when I made these nachos I thought, Hey, why don’t I make these like a plate of nachos that the whole family can enjoy? So I got some Velveeta – everyone loves that smooth cheese feeling, I mean, how could you not, right? Then next I added some black olives, just for, you know, like a Mediterranean feel. Next I added some ground beef. What’s more American than ground beef, you know? I mean, I know nachos are Mexican, but they’re sort of American too, right? It’s like my buddy Schlomo Feldstein, the CFO of TJ Maxx, he dated a Mexican lady once, and that was cool. So then next, I added some sour cream. Some people say sour cream is unnecessary when you use Velveeta, but I just thought, you know, I wanted these to be this inclusive, all-encompassing plate of nachos, you know? Plus, who doesn’t like sour cream? I mean, it’s not like it’s actually sour, you know? Then after that I added more ground beef. One thing we had to be careful of was to not put so much topping that the chips underneath got soggy, you know? Because I was talking to my buddy the other day, Milton Greenbaum, OPP of Wachovia, and we were just talking about how much we hate soggy nachos….”

“So Kobe, that chick you banged in Colorado, do you ever imagine what it would have been like if she was actually a dude?”
Boy, he sure knows a lot of successful Jews.
Ratner’s the kind of guy who says, “Cool beans.”
“it breaks down all barriers.”
You mean like Russell Ziskey teaching those people English by using the song Da Do Ron Ron in Stripes?
I get the feeling that Brett Ratner is a doucher.
Ratner’s the kind of guy who bleaches his asshole.
By ‘it breaks down all barriers’ he means ‘this is how I ended up sleeping with a Tranny’
Why do the words “fucking retard” keep echoing in my head?
I was on the fence about getting this game. (Fuck off, you like girls, I like video games.) Now that I see skaters, blacks, dolphins, and zombie fuckers are playing it, I’m gonna pass.
“it breaks down all barriers.”
He means, my dick!
{tossed diaphram into air, does anime style flying cock attack, diaphram explodes, teardrop forms on Crappy’s head}
Was that Seth Rogen in Donnie Darko? Dor sho gha!
Sorry, someone said “successful jews”…
Ratner is currently working on a commercial for Chuck E Cheese restaurants. After determining the target audience – people who wouldn’t otherwise consider going there for dinner – he decided to simply shoot slow motion close-ups of kids putting food in their mouths and sucking on straws. Focus groups have revealed a 89% rise in pedophile interest.
A Rattner joint is like a dovetail joint, except it fucking sucks.
Stone – that’s so not right but it’s okay.
A Ratner Joint is like an expansion joint on the Tacoma Narrows Bridge – superficial and ultimately useless.
This is a situation where you’d never (normally) see these four guys in a room together
And yet, through the magic of green screen, these four guys weren’t actually in a room together. I call shenanigans, Ratner.
As an FYI, The Mighty Feklahr just got back from visiting His psychiatrist. Maybe one of these days He will thaw him out and bury him proper-like!
A Ratner joint is when you roll up bacon bits and e-z-cheez in with your weed.
So I was talking with my friend, Spackle McCracken, CEO of crashing on my couch and pirating asian porn, and I said, “Hey, how about we get high and take care of the munchies all at once?”
A Ratner joint is a joint where you miss a stem and poke a hole in the paper making some kind of fucked up carb, then it runs like a Nigerian on speed and finally the cherry drops into your lap but you don’t notice until you burn your dick/clit.
A Ratner joint has fake weed in it, but he smokes it and can’t stop talking about how “fuckin’ stoooned” he is.
A Ratner joint is straight rolled with stems and seeds.
A Ratner joint is shaped like a veiny cock.
Oh, FUCK!
A Ratner joint is slicked off the tip of a tranny’s cock.
…
(Where Ratner’s tongue is, fuckheads)
A Ratner Joint only houses transsexual inmates.
Dis joint can’t hold me coppah! You wants tah rub my cock and balls while motorboating my tits?
A Ratner joint is like Milf Weed in that they’re both made by pale white bitches. Only difference is; niggas don’t wanna fuck Ratner.
A Spike Lee joint is rolled with Black Zig Zags.
A Ratner joint is what you need to smoke to enjoy his movies. Yes, it’d probably have to be some good shit, yet the movies remain shit nonetheless.
A Ratner joint is the one you don’t get to smoke because the Mexican who helped you score the weed bogarts it like it’s his personal cigarette last weekend, Dubs.
Where is BK to verify that ^^^
Spike Lee wouldn’t use those papers to roll his joints until they changed the name from “nig-nags” to something less racist.
“I said we have to do something iconic so I took an iconic scene from Risky Business”
What do you expect from a dude that can’t get enough tranny love.
A Ratner Joint is better suited to seasoning spaghetti sauce than baking your noodle.
A Ratner joint is rolled using origami he learned from Jackie Chan.
Ok, I recognize Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk, and Madonna’s boyfriend, but who’s the fourth guy?
Seriously, Jack!? He was kind of a big deal about 2 months ago. Think gills.
A Ratner point is what he scores after a touchdown on Madden for XBox 360.
I thought Kendall Gill was black.
<—- Guy whose TV wasn’t hooked up during the olympics.
This is the problem with the Rat and the Bay. They can do a 30 second advert or at a stretch a 3 minute music video. How come someone then decides to give them $300 million to make a feature film?
Just because I can jerk off real well for 30 seconds (or at a stretch 3 minutes), doesn’t mean I get to make a Transformers movie.
A Ratner joint is made out of oregano and costs $100 million.
Fair ’nuff Jack.
I thought Johnny Gill was dead. And black.
The awkward douche from that SNL episode i think…
So Dub is a bogart, huh? Do you know what The Mighty Feklahr does to bogarts?
He looks at the bogart in the mirror and gives Him a self-high-five!
A Ratner joint is a pinner.
Name that movie!
This be some serious shit, man…Imma hafta call in some bogarts from Frisco ta deal with this.
What are bogarts?
Treacherous ni99ers.
Two things:
Lance – I can picture Ratner saying that, word for word.
Pauly – I’ve got a black hi-top Chuck on me right now. Also, I’m wearing those shoes.
Robo – I have the low top Chucks on. It goes good with my tube top.
Holy fucking shit. Porkpie deserves an honorary Filmdrunk of the Month Club membership:
withleather.uproxx.com/?p=11037#comments
(about half way down is the comment)
I’m wearing chocolate brown low top Chucks.
That makes me cooler.
Red.
Hi-top.
Chucks.
Period.
Period?
Is that how they got red?
Boosh.
Glad to see Ratner bringing back the “Glistening Pube” hair style.
Jack!, you disappoint me, we all know dried blood looks a lot more brown than bright red. Especially cunt blood. ESPECIALLY anus blood.
^Sploosh
Gleaming the Pube???
Who said anything about dried blood, Fek? I just assumed it was your time of the month.
Sorry I Puked Period Blood All Over Your Shoes.
The Groundbreaking novel by L. Ron Hubbard!!
Get it wherever paperbacks are sold!!
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tony Hawk without a helmet on. Up until this commercial, I was starting to wonder whether he was really that into skateboard safety or if he was a retard. Looks like I have my answer.
Ok, I cannot stress enough how much i hate fucking Kobe fucking Bryant.
That Angel chick does have a nice rack
Im just saying
You fucked Kobe Bryant?
Yes, and I still walk funny, but that is no the point!
What’s funny is that Phelps isn’t wearing any underwear.
That was Ratner’s idea.
Pauly, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Phelps is the personification of male butter face.
Well, when you’re half shark……
You have to settle for chum?
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURST!!
I should’ve hit F5 bbefore posting that
If they come out with a Flute Hero game, I would kick some tush!
Working with A-Rod was natural for Ratner. Turns out they have the same taste in women.
I think you mean they have the same taste in “were men”, Donkey Hodey.
I’m convinced that Kobe found out who Bob Seger was the day of filming that commercial.
Not to say that Kobe only listens to rap music, but “Turn The Page” isn’t exactly good rape music.
When asked about his thoughts on this commercial, Tom Cruise was quoted saying “I don’t ‘get’ this commercial. What is there to ‘get’? I don’t…I don’t know.”
Plus, if Ratner didn’t run this by Xenu first, he’s sooo fucked.
I’m pretty sure this is how homo gang-bangs start.
I’ve heard.
The original drummer, Reggie Bush, got kicked out for using his dick as a drumstick.
Which distracted A-Rod’s play
Wow. After watching that commercial, He feels like he needs to take a bath.
With a toaster.
Brett Favre was set to play the singer but he kept asking “Y’all aint got no Hank Williams on this here thing, Man?”
They all had to lie to their Mothers to spend the night at Kobe’s house.
But Ratner had the last laugh because he spooged in all their socks before filming.
The Mexican Guitar Hero is Eduardo, who plays “La Bamba” for spare change.
Ratner and the guys made Phelps stick a fish up his ass to join the band.
He still thinks everyone did it too.
I had no idea. No Chris Tucker? Sneaky shit, Ratner.
The casting director is obviously Ratner’s dick.
The band’s name: Kobe and the Pussyfarts.
You know what else is a Ratner joint? Arby’s.
A Ratner joint is when you smoke two joints made by other people and say “Hey, those were awesome, man. But the third one’s on me.” And then you wipe your ass with the rolling papers.