There’s a few more movie stories out there today, but I’m not gonna lie to you, they’re pretty F-ing boring. So I thought, “Hey, why not Walker Texas Ranger riding a jetpack instead?”
[Thanks to Robo for the tip on the vid]
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Jurassic-park-busey-sax-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/Stallone-ass-bashing-150x150.jpg)
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I we’d wanted them to be wimps we would have named them Dr Quinn and Medicine Woman!!
Eib, you beat me to the punch. Much props for that one. :)
The first person here to make a cliche Chuck Norris joke should be Dursted for life
Gary Busey does that, but he doesn’t understand what the deal is with all that fancy shit on Norris’ back.
I’d be willing to bet that the people running Total Gym pay Christie Brinkley with cash and Chuck with her worn sweat clothes.
Chuck Norris lives in a cave because he believes that the only good house is a roundhouse.
Guess they should call him Floater Texas Ranger now.
Seriously, he landed on the roof, and there’s a ladder right fucking behind him.
Chuck Norris is pushing for Sidekicks 2 but he can’t seem to get Jonathan Brandis on the phone.
I suppose my joke would have been more apropos for Steven Segal, but who knows when we’re going to get another post with him?
Chuck Norris loves boy pussy
Who would win in a fight to the death between Chuck Norris and Steven Segal?
Humanity, if it was a draw.
The Mighty Feklahr is surprised Walker didn’t use his faith in God to help him fly.
OR DID HE???
The only way you could get Chuck Norris to punch himself in the face is if you stood behind a mirror.
*checks chucknorrisfacts.com to see if that one’s already been used*
Today’s lesson?
Jetpacks are stealthy.
That doesnt make any sense
Walker, Texas Ranger is the worst member of the pitching staff.
For everyone’s ROFLKOTALZ:
photos1.blogger.com/photoInclude/x/blogger/3841/751/1600/271148/ActionJeans650.jpg
Oh, fuck! I should have goatsed you motherfuckers!
What the fuck is a “gusset” and why do you have to hide it?
I’m a little rusty on my law enforcement hierarchy. Are the Texas Rangers in the NHL West or I.N.S.?
Chuck Norris sits on his hand before he jerks off, so he can give himself a Texas Stranger.
You see, because if I were to stand behind a mirror, Chuck would punch right through the mirror, thus giving the illusion that he were punching…nevermind. I’ll be at the Chuck Norris facts site thingy.
I also like the clip where Chuck just happens to have a bazooka in his truck. Like you do.
We can put Walker on the air for 10 years, but we still can’t perfect jet pack technology? Obviously we’ve been focused on the wrong thing as a human race.
That shit better we SFW, Robo…
If you pull the Walker Texas Ranger finger, he farts Deep In the Heart of Texas.
If Wantanabex went to prison, I get the feeling that he’d be somebody’s bitch.
So that guy would be a Bex ass ranger.
I’ll stop now.
Jack, that cracked me up
If by “Walker Texas Ranger” you mean Chuck Norris and by “Lever” you mean-
Fuck it. My heart’s just not in it.
Chuck Norris is kind of crap. Jet packs? Meh. I remember when Lee Van Cleef in The Master jumped over a freakin’ helicopter.
::: puts on pointy hat covered with stars, flowing cape:::
::: unscrews top of mayonaisse jar kept on Funk & Wagnalls porch since noon:::
::: removes envelope, touches it to his forehead :::
“Walker, Texas Ranger”
::: tears end off envelope, removes piece of paper, reads :::
“What are the first two things Johnny Oates saw when he woke up after his brain surgery?”
::: realizes how old he is, cries self to sleep :::
Let’s be honest: Chuck Norris has got to be the luckiest fucking ginger in the world.
Why did I watch that clip?
I wasted 8 minutes of my life!
If I had a jetpack, I would use it to collect all those shoes hanging from telephone wires.
Sweet!
2nd luckiest. Rupert Grint is the first. He didn’t even have to study Tae Kwon Do to get his first million. He just had to be ginger and say, “Harry, I don’t think we should go in there.”
Peet, that took a long time to sink in, but worth it. Well played.
By the way, the proper way to keep someone from biting your calf while you’re applying a cross-arm breaker is to smash your leg against his nose and mouth until you get the leverage you need to snap his arm.
Chuck Norris chews bear balls instead of gum.
<— Took about 3 MMA lessons. That was in the second one.
When I was young, Saturday night meant two things: Walker Texas Ranger and Monster-Vision.
Now that I’m a young-adult, Saturday nights mean two different things: “Did I wear a condom?” and “Who the fuck is this dude?”
So wait. Does this mean he’s dead? Did I miss . . . oh, I didn’t? Fuck this story.
If I had a jetpack, I’d get Annie out of that well with all those fucking Goonies.
I’d nominate that Peet, but I don’t think Vince likes sports. Well, let’s just say he never responds to any of the pictures I send to him of me wearing various midriff cut jerseys.
Dor sho gha! That just goes to show that you never bring a knife to a gusset fight!
Speaking of which JHC: I want my CHODIN #69 jersey back…though you looked cute as hell cooking eggs in it.
I saw a gusset fight once.
Louis Gusset Jr. was fighting his dad.
Jack!-Yeah…that fight was totally over at the armbar.
*blushes*
If I had a Jetpack, I would fly over a bunch of pigeons and shit on them.
Walker, Texas Ranger < Greatest American Hero
I’d rather watch an Aries Spears biopic.
Anybody got any footage of Bruce Lee riding a mechanical bull?
S’okay, JHC, I’m just glad someone got it. The jke, I mean, not brain cancer.
::: changes MySpace name to J0hNnY0473s_G0dzC@+cH3r_-*^o^*-_1Nh34v3N_:^(“R4nGr43v@H :::
If I had a jetpack, I’d pick my old girlfriend up, tell her “I can show you the wooooorrrlllldddd” and then I’d drop her ass in a volcano.
If I had a jetpack, I’d kick Timothy Dalton’s nazi ass all over Hollywood.
*Hugs Rocketeer doll*
If I had a jetpack, I’d lend it to a friend and shoot roman candles at him while he was flying.
If I had a jetpack, I’d shit on SuckMeBeautiful!‘s car.
*applauds Peet’s myspace name*
My fucking brain almost exploded trying to read that. I would’ve given myself a Billy Squier song if I’d tried to come up with something like that.
Help me out though. What the fuck is _-*^o^*-_ ? Remember, I’m from Nebraska and am over 35. Be gentle.
If I had a jetpack, I’d write a song about having my jetpack, then I’d fly around with my jetpack, singing my fucking song about the jetpack and then that way people wouldn’t have a goddamn choice, but to listen to my fucking song about having my jetpack.
Suck my dick, world.
Walker told me I have AIDS
If I had a jetpack, I would fly up to Mount Rushmore and write “BALLS” on Lincoln’s forehead in Sharpie.
If I had a jetpack, I’d destroy it in public and yell
“I DON’T NEED THIS TO PROVE THAT I’M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!”
If I had a jetpack, I’d go to the park and make old people throw slices of pizza at me.
If I had a jetpack, I’d use it to pretend that I had an invisible jet.
If I had a jetpack, I’d probably run out of gas at 63 feet and end up like Steven Hawkings.
That’s right, kids: I’d end up a fucking genius.
If I had a knife, I’d probably stab somebody.
If I had a jetpack, I’d pull kids’ cats out of trees for $5 a pop and promise to return them safely to the ground for $50 a pop after I grabbed them.
I love Walker, Texas Ranger! It promotes good, wholesome family fun!
If I had a knife, I’d probably stab Maverick.
If I had a jetpack, I’d take endless joy out of telling little kids “Go fuck yourself! You know how many cocks I had to suck to get this?” when they asked for rides.
If I had a jetpack, I would dress up like Kodos from the Simpsons and hover over Tom Cruise’s bed pretending to be Xenu….
If I had a jetpack, I would buy you a monkey (haven’t you always wanted a monkey?)
Crimeny, I’m having such a gay day.
*smacks secretary on ass*
Yeah, that’s better. Now, anyone know where I can get a Lavender pocket chief to match my tie?
Maverick sounds like Randall. Yes, I came from OVER THERE. But I don’t hang out there anymore, because I like this playground better :)
JHC, I dunno, I made it up, I thought it looked vaguely like a
retard’sMySpacer’s idea of an angel. And I will never forgive myself for leaving out the R.I.P.I have a jetpack, it’s kept in the store cupboard. I never use it. I might stick it on ebay.
You know, if you hadn’t said “over there”, we never would have known what you meant by Randall.
Hey Meghan, I was up late last night working on this for you:
8=D – - – - – - * * * * ( @ )( @ )
If I had a jetpack, I would fly over to Jack!s house and give him a knife.
If I had a jetpack, I’d stick the handle of a fork up my ass so I can toast my food and eat on the go.
Anyone remember when Little Pete ordered off for a jetpack, but those mother fuckers sent him a leaf blower?
If I had a jetpack, I’d probably have to ask one of the oriental kids on my block how to work it.
Kidding, kidding. I wouldn’t allow a dink to live on my street.
If I had a jetpack I’d fly fist first into your face.
If i had a jet pack, i would sell child porn on the street and escape the cops jumping on roof tops.
Man, i hate that.
If Pauly had a jetpack we could finally fly up to makeout point.
Jack! I know, but I didn’t want a million quizzical looks aimed at monitors all over the world, so I decided to make it easy. Besides, deep down, don’t we all love Randall? Not Maverick, though….
Awww, Chod – thanks! You know it ;) Hope you didn’t lose too much sleep over it, tho!!
I wonder if Chuck’s curtains match his pubes…
If I had a jetpack I’d ignite it and lift off while getting a handjob.
Then I’d bust a nut, so the dude would lose his grip and fall.
Meg, I don’t love Randall.
I have no clue who Randall is.
If I had a jetpack, I could finally get my kite out of Mr. McDicksucker’s tree.
If Pauly had a jetpack, it would only get 2″ off the ground.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly up next to the asshole with the “Caution: Show Dogs” sign on his minivan. I’d yell into the window “ARE YOU ASSUMING THAT WITHOUT THAT FUCKING SIGN THAT I WOULD OTHERWISE RANDOMLY CRASH INTO YOU?”
If I had a jetpack, I’d bedazzle the shit out of that motherfucker!
If I had a jetpack, I’d take the standing 69 to a whole new level.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly my ass up into a tree and wait for black people to assume that I was a leprechaun.
He’s mexican. Get it? How ’bout this…
If Pauly had a jetpack, it would have tiny chain links for handles and could come equipped with curb feelers.
If I had a jetpack, I’d go kick that fucking blue jay’s ass.
If I had a jetpack I’d still stay home and beat-off in my roomate’s bottle of Axe shower gel.
If I had a jetpack, I still wouldn’t be able to dunk.
Ok, fine, Jack! Sorry, I assumed you did….
*slinks back over there where people know who Randall is, looks around at the rampant depravity, runs full-speed back FD*
@ SS
But not a real green dress. (that’s cruel)
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly over Kansas and sky write “SURRENDER DOROTHY”.
The designs for an Asian jetpack were scratched when the prototype’s huge fucking spoiler kept causing the pack to do continuous loops.
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a
brainjetpack.Stoney, I’d put money that you don’t get all the way through the first R before somebody shoots you down.
If I had a jetpack, I’d prune my trees.
Sorry Meg, I just haven’t been able to tolerate the comments there for months now.
If I had a jetpack, I’d make a fortune taking down blouse pics and selling them on the intertubes.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly to Australia and look up chicks’ skirts.
Dear Jack!,
I’d hit it. She’s fat. Fugaliscious! You will be BANNED!! X100.
Sincerly,
A. Fuckwit
If Mexicans had jetpacks, they’d fly over the border.
And no longer would be called Wet-backs
God, it’s just like old times…
*weeps*
Dude, that was waaay meta, dude. Blew my mind dude.
If i had a Chuck Norris i’d probably pretend he wasn’t mine. Or have one of those hilarious car bumper stickers that said, “My other Chuck Norris is a Marc Dacascos”
If I had a jetpack, I’d finally be able to clean my gutters.
If I had a jetpack, my buttocks would be burned
can you put spinners on a jetpack?
If I had jetpack, I’d hover around baseball games with a glove and fuck up little kids memories with their stepdads.
Soup, Psst! You forgot to log in as Glen.
If I had a jetpack I’d wear a silver jumpsuit and make everybody call me Jet Jaguar.
If I had a jetpack, I would run into the Metrodome and fly up as high as possible until the dome came off so I could be a big ass fucking ghost for Halloween.
You do that on Saturday nights now, why do you need the jetpack?
Call me JET JAGUAR!!!
If I had a jet pack, my clothes probably wouldn’t be folded neatly in my suitcase.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly around the opening ceremonies of the ’84 (??) Olympics.
I always wanted a pet jaguar
That doesn’t make any sense
Me, either, Jack! It gives me the heebie-jeebies. Ok, let’s not talk about that anymore.
If I had a jetpack, I would….fly around with my jet pack…..
If Mexicans had jetpacks, they’d fly over the border.
And no longer would be called Wet-backs
Would they be called Jet-backs?
the gutter comment would have been funnier from Glen, huh? Oh well.
SS, yes ’84.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly around at night, holding a flashlight under my chin pointed up at my face and sing “IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND!”
If I had a jetpack I would bicycle kick Shaq in the face.
If I had a jetpack, I’d still make my wife get me a beer while I watched t.v.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly my ass out of this thread and into a Busey one.
Boyo, being able to change avis again is awesome! I’m gonna be like a 13yo that just figured out how to jack off. Gonna do it all the time just cuz I can.
nice avatar. I can’t change mine.
I set it up, you knock it down, Jack!.
If I had a trebuchet, my neighbor’s dog would stop shitting in my yard. As for my neighbor’s cat?
I’ll eventually back over it coming out of my driveway.
SS, make a dummy gmail/yahoo email account and just make a new user account here.
If Meghans_username had a jetpack, she could pick me up Subway a lot quicker.
“Sorry stink-wrinkle, you forgot my fucking diet Coke, better get jetting…”
If I had a jetpack, I’d take pictures like this everyday:
http://www.lolpix.com/pictures/17/Funny_Pictures_415.htm
Like a Glenn or a Zog… just… not.
Why does everyone keep talking about Hitler’s SS troops?
If I had a jetpack, I could poop on people in the park
Could you provide more examples please?
If I had a jetpack, my apartment would be fucking immaculate!
No
If I had a jetpack, it would be a shitload easier to avoid that fucking Noid!
The tag line to Walker, Rocket Ranger would be: You’re fucked, even if you own a helicopter.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly around with a spool of string, removing kids baby teeth in the coolest way possible.
If I had a jetpack, I’d dress like an alien and fly into Roswell. I could probably get some free stuff at that ‘Little Ali-Inn’ joint.
What the hell do you mean, Cho?
If I had a jetpack I would go to college Quiddich games and fuck some yagoff the fuck UP!
Wait, you’d be the jetpacking Tooth Fairy?
If I had a jetpack, I’d eat bacon-wrapped Filet Mignon for every meal!
YAY!
{claps like retard at Hitler Kitty avi!!}
Eib- I was thinking more just put the jetpack in my closest and then roam around at night yanking out little kids teeth, but “YES” I suppose I could wear the jetpack too.
If Chodin had a jet-pack, I’d tell him his Subway was in space so he could go get it his m-effing self :)
If I had a jetpack, I’d go back in time and fuck my girlfriend back when she was still hot!
If I had a jetpack, I’d just cruise around looking for rainbows…and then I’d realize that all those stories were bullshit.
If I had a jetpack, I would pull an epic arial fucktackle on Tinkerbell when she flies down from the Matterhorn.
WALKER, ROCKET RANGER Starring, Chuck Norris, and his trusty sidekick, Dimple, played by John Graziano.
…Even kids in space know they have AIDS…
If The Proclaimers had jetpacks, we’d never have had to fucking hate them.
Jack!’s parents would have loved jetpacks.
BTK – The arial fucktackle is much more epic than your standard open field flying fucktackle.
If I had a jetpack, I’d make a website that had a big, red button on it. And when you pressed that button, the Price is Right failure music would play;
Bum bum ba dum waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
If I had a jetpack, I’d fuck C-Dog’s motorcycle and see if we could produce a flying Ninja.
The best part of jetpack ownership is the sweet whale-tail tan lines.
If I had a jetpack, JHC would have an assful of Jacktion cock!
If I had a jetpack, I’d finally fit in
If I had a jetpack, every asshole who ever said “Yeah, when pigs fly” would owe the fuck up.
If I had a jetpack, I would fly to Cali and fuck Doctress Leisa….
with a wrecking ball.
J, I’m putting wings on that bitch and flying it over the St. Lawrence river.
If I had a jetpack, I wouldn’t need this stupid dinghy anymore.
Sorry Jack!. That was insensitive of me. I apologize.
…or a boat for that matter.
If I had a jetpack, I’d have to buy a good winter coat, because I bet it gets pretty cold up there.
If I had a jetpack, I would turn it on so that I could fly up into the air. And then when I didn’t want to be in the air anymore, I would turn it off.
If I had a jetpack, I could quit bumming rides from my buddies.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly up to the top of Vince’s thumb and tell you all what it looks like.
If I had a jetpack, I would make fuck to the Statue of Liberty’s earhole.
If I had a jetpack, I’d arm it with forward and rear firing rockets. I guess thats not really a joke, I would.
If I had a jetpack, I’d give away the Jansport I won on ‘Wild & Crazy Kids”.
Watch youself ulPay… YOU WILL BE BANNED!!!
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly my wife high in the air and do a sex act I like to call “69, 68, 67, 66, 65…SPLAT!”
If I had a jetpack I would buzz the tower.
Jetpack+waterballoons=great afternoon
If I had a jetpack, I’d get private messages up and running on this bitch again.
If I had a jetpack I would get a basket with a flower on it and some tassels for the handlebars.
If I had a jetpack I would fly up and moon the pigchopper the next time it woke me up at 3:30am.
If I had a jetpack, people would get sick of my Boba Fett outfit EVERY FUCKING HALLOWEEN.
If I had a jetpack, running on the elliptical would be a hell of a lot easier.
If I had a jetpack, I would put a big sign on the Queesboro bridge that said TURK 182!
If I had a jetpack, I’d call Batman a pussy. Flying Squirrel Man Forever!
If I had a jetpack I would light my farts with it.
+n GODFUCKIT!!
If I had a jetpack, I’d finally know what it was like to “knock the bottom out of it” while having sex.
If I had a jetpack, I would trade it in for a new car. I know that sounds lame, but I kinda need a new car.
If I had a jetpack, the other kids would be so jealous!
You guys are really hopeful on this jetpack sex thing. I’d probably end up having jetpack “argument over whose turn it is to do the fucking dishes.”
Just kidding. I’d have a jetpack. And a .45
Jacktion! + jetpack + laxatives – pants = A bad day for Nic Cage
If I had a jetpack, I would fly right outside UPROXXX’s reach and taunt it with a webhost that let’s you change your avi…….
You need a jetpack, Dude? I can get you a jetpack by 3 o’clock. With polish.
I know people, Dude.
If I had a jetpack, I’d give an eagle a Dirty Sanchez.
If I had a jetpack I would fly into peoples bay windows to give them bad luck.
If I had a jetpack, I’d probably get beaten up by the black guys that live on my block.
Kidding, kidding. I live in Nebraska. There aren’t any black people here.
If I had a jetpack, I could finally throw away this highpowered water-streampack and get down to business.
If I had a jetpack I would fly around the country, bitch slapping internet commenters
If I had a jetpack, I’d save JFK Jr.
If I had a jetpack, I would give hang gliders wet willies.
With my DICK!!
And then, Jack, someone would just shoot you down.
If i could fly
I’d pick you up
I’d take you into the night
and show you a love
Like you’ve never seen – ever seen
If I had a jetpack, I’d audition for a Michael Bay movie, but then I’d tell him that McG made me a better offer.
If I had a jetpack, I would fly to wherever Vince for Sham Wow was and bitch slap his face until it looked right.
If I had a jetpack, I’d give it to Mr Magoo, just to see what would happen.
If I had a jetpack, I would find a way to make it fold up so that I could carry it in my pocket, like the Jetsons.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly into the atmosphere and back down to slam into the Earth, but in the opposite direction of the Earth’s spin so I could get butter on my bagel this morning instead of cream cheese. I knew I wanted the butter.
If i had a jetpack, I’d still put 24′s on it.
If I had a jetpack, I’d start a letter-writing campaign to get get Mind of Mencia taken off the air.
If I had a jetpack, I would fly to the DMV and tell them to go fuck a BBQ until they died.
Fucking hell Crappy. I’ve been waiting to bust out a ShamWow remark forever.
If I had a jetpack, Hasslehoff would finally have to face me.
Vince from Sham Wow suffers from Bell’s Paulsy, Crappy.
*shouts and runs around room*
If I had a jatpack, I’d paint nipples on every McDonald’s golden arches sign I could.
If I had a jetpack, I would fly counterclockwise around the space needle’s “spinning restaurant” to make people sick.
If I had a jetpack, I bet I could get laid.
I was waiting, and waiting, and waiting. But the guy is just so creepy… what do you do with that?
That wouldn’t stop the bitch slapping, J.
Ever.
if I had a jetpack, I’d do all I could to get into a high speed chase on the news.
If I had a jetpack, I’d dress up like Ultra Man, and rub a couple out.
If I had a jetpack, “Put out or get out” would have a lot more power
Chuck Norris’ jetpack runs on internet immortality and cheap tequila.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly around dropping pennies on people’s heads trying to kill them.
If I had a jetpack, I could have saved Chris Kattan from going over that Chilean cliff in a bus. Not that I would have, mind you. But I could have.
If I had a jetpack, I’d go as Superintendent Chalmers for Halloween.
My jetpack runs on low self esteem and fromunda cheese.
If I had a jetpack I’d trade it in for rocket boots.
If I had a jetpack, I’d still probably spend the whole day on FilmDrunk.
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly around the spotlight on top of the Luxor screaming, “I’m a bug! AAAHHHHHHHma BUG!!”
If I had a jetpack, Soviet Russia would wear me!
Kimbo Slice’s jetpack runs on hype and the instinctual fear of large primates.
If I had a jetpack, I’d take a huge dump on Isreal and call it “The Scud.”
If I had a jetpack, I’d drink your milkshake.
If I had a jetpack, I’d check to see if there was a new post.
If I had a jetpack, I’d build a treehouse in a tree so tall only other people with jetpacks could reach it. And then I would hold weekly “How to mess with people while wearing your jetpack” forums. And then we would have “Show and Tell with your jetpack” where we would share all the cool new things we would do if we had jetpacks (which of course we do!!). And then apples and cheese for a snack.
If I had a jetpack, I’d wait until the weather got warmer to use it.
What in the hell?
If I had a jetpack, I’d pretend I was swimming whenever I used it.
If I had a jetpack, I’d find Kid who says New Up (wherever he is) and drag him back here so we didn’t have check, Jack
If I had a jetpack, I’d name it New Up.
Meg, I’m lactose intolerant. Could I have an apple without any cheese?
If I had a jetpack, I’d totally have an apple with no cheese!
If I had a jetpack, I would fly to your house and sock you in the sack for saying New up when there wasnt one
I just got back from the main page on my imaginary jetpack and realized that 255+ comments on jetpacks is not nearly enough.
*chodin lands back in thread using his jetpack*
Are we still talking about these goddamn jetpacks!?!
If I had a jetpack, I’d give it to Superman, so he could get away if anyone used Kryptonite on him.
If Uproxx had a fucking jetpack, it would have over 5 pages in this thread.
Dude…..If I had a jetpack, I would use it to find out who Randal is….
*shrugs shoulders*
If I had a jetpack, this thread would officially be the reason that I get rid of it.
If I had a jetpack, maybe my browser wouldn’t be so slow.
I think Vince has a jetpack and flew that motherfucker out of here about 3 hours ago. Puss.
Jack, for those that are lactose intolerant, there is an apples with triscuits option, or you can have juice. Of course, you have to use your jetpack to go get the juice. I’m not carting it all the way up there unless I had a jetpack with storage options!!!
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly into the internet and post these manually.
If I had a jetpack, my self-taken, high-angled myspace photos would make people shit themselves.
If I had a jetpack, I’d siphon the fuel out of Chod’s jetpack so that he couldn’t leave this thread even if he wanted to, WHICH HE DOESN’T!!!!
If I had a jetpack, I’d helicopter my dong in front of the Goodyear Blimp’s camera during the superbowl.
If I had a jetpack, maybe I’d win a goddamn Comment of the Week!
*Looks up into sky, sees the letters SUP*
Shit, I better go look for Stoney.
If I had a jetpack, I would bring it to General Motors, slam it on the design table, and say: “Look, it can’t be that hard to attach this to a car. So WHY HAVEN’T YOU MADE A FUCKING FLYING CAR YET!?!”
If I had a jetpack, I’d stop saying “If I had a jetpack”
Meghans_username, do you read Goosebumps?
If I had a jetpack, that would be nifty!
If I had a jetpack, maybe the phrase “if I had a jetpack” would make sense to me again.
If I had a jetpack, I’d use it to keep my balls warm
Chod, I read Goosebumps in the 5th grade…is that what you’re getting at? That I’m in the 5th grade? Or do you like Goosebumps?
If I had a jetpack, mimes would need to watch their asses.
If I had a jetpack, I’d cut a hole in it, and fuck it.
If I had a jetpack, seriously, I’d better get a CoTW for this.
If I had a jetpack, I’d knock that hippy in Oregon right the fuck out of her tree.
If I had a jetpack, I’d get stoned.
If I had a jetpack, chances are it would be American made. I’d fly around all day, wishing I had a faster, European one.
If I had a jetpack, I’d pretend to be a pinata and dare kids to hit me
If I had a jetpack, I’d would personally invite Crappy to my treehouse…..But only cuz his avi looks like it has a jetpack!!
Meghan, if you were in the 5th Grade, I’d be talking to you A LOT more.
If I had a jetpack, I would be leaving work now instead of a half-hour from now.
If I had a jetpack, I can’t stop beginning my sentences like this.
Are you running a fucking pre school?
If I had a jetpack, I’m going to kill Crappy for starting this.
If I had a jetpack I’d get some fancy cross my heart straps to lift AND separate.
If I had a jetpack, I would totally have to file with the FAA, and then seriously have to go to flight school…and then..um..everybody would always be hounding me to use it…and..uh…I would have to buy new Nikes every week beacuse the rubber on the heels would melt off…you know what, fuck it, I don’t want a jetpack.
If I had a jetpack, maybe my parents would finally be proud of me.
Nope. They’d still be dead, as JHC loves to point out.
This is fucking retarded.
If I had some ANGEL DUST then I could fucking fly. Oh man, that would be so sweet.
I’ll hold them for ya, Chell. Dont trust these guys.
Eib – nope, just leaving work early. I work in fucking real estate. So you can see how I have time to comment on a random website all day long and fantasize about what I would do if I had a jetpack.
And if I had a jetpack, I would give home tours while flying around.
If I had a jetpac- WHAT? NOT RIGHT NOW, I’M ON THE INTERNET! NO, I DID THE FUCKING DISHES LAST NIGHT! WHAT?! Alright, alright. It’s okay. Don’t cry. It’s okay. I’ll do them tonight. But that’s two nights in a row now. So I get a blow job.
Thanks Eibz, we’ll look so cool on our jet pack in our Wonder Woman outfits zipping around town crashing into stuff.
I had a friend that drove a bus for special needs people and started dating one. Talk about fucking retarted
If I had a jetpack I’d call my toots afterburners and eat lots of chili.
I’m just kidding. No toots here, nope, don’t even crap. Strawberry soft serve my friends. That’s all that comes out.
sigh
If I had a jetpack, I’d use it to score drugs. But then, I’d place the drug dealer under citizen’s arrest, turn him over to the police, and clean up the streets with my unique brand of vigilante justice.
If I had a jetpack, I would turn it upside down and use it to boil water for my ramen.
Wait a few months Chell, then the toots start…
If I had a jetpack, I’d fly back into this thread and laugh maniacally.
Mwah ha ha ha hehe!!
P.S. I don’t really have a jetpack.
Oh man. It gets WORSE?!?
If I had a jetpack, I’d pull a drunken Kieffer attack on the Rockefeller Center xmas tree during the lighting ceremony.
If I had a jetpack, I’d be all like, “Hey bitches. Check out my jetpack.”
And bitches be all like, “Fuck off loser, ever heard of jetpack hair. Ass”
And I’d be all like a bitch and cry.
If I had a jetpack, I would swoop down and snatch the FAT bonus check Lance is getting for this tread.
And then I would spread the wealth cause thats what socialism is all about, Kids!
or is that hokey pokey???????
If I had a jetpack, I would hire RDJ to come to my birthday party wearing it and then I’d be the coolest kid on my block
If I had a jetpack, I would take some sleeping pills, blindfold myself, and head West until I passed out. Then when I woke up, I would try to guess where I am before I take off the blindfold.
If I had a jetpack, I’d jetpack in the morning; I’d jetpack in the evening, all over this laaaand.
No, YOU’RE gay.
If I had a snow blower… what, am I playing this wrong?
Snow blower = Frosty’s sex toy
A leaf blower was mentioned earlier; that would come in useful. If i had some leaves i would blow them.
Al, If I had a jetpack, I would use it to melt your snow so you wouldn’t have to blow it.
Leaf blower – anyone named Zack hanging around in the underground parking lot of the ACC after the game.
If you don’t get that, you might not be Canadian.
Al – *golf clap* I like it. I like it.
If I had a petjack, he’d be bald and sing showtunes. And he would never mock my dyslexia.
Huh huh, “melt your snow”, “blow it”. Huh huh.
Beek, that was brilliant.
If this site still had the last Twenty words of wisdom feature i could keep up with the new kids and, more importantly, determine if my game needs raising.
Wouldn’t a petjack be used if you had a particularly heavy dog that required lifting, perhaps to have one of its wheels changed or gain access to its balls if it was asleep?
Whoops, I mean: If I had a jetpack, Huh huh, “melt your snow”, “blow it”. Huh huh.
If I had a jetpack, what you actually meant was “If I had a jetpack, Whoops, I mean: If I had a jetpack, Huh huh, “melt your snow”, “blow it”. Huh huh.” Fucks with your head, doesn’t it?
If I had a jetpack, Mark It I think that should have started like “If I had a jetpack, Mark It Zero says: If I had a jetpack, what you actually meant was “If I had a jetpack, Whoops, I mean: If I had a jetpack, Huh huh, “melt your snow”, “blow it”. Huh huh.” Fucks with your head, doesn’t it?
Yeah I know, I missed it all today so I’m trying to catch up with lame-ass shit. Screw this, I’m gonna go watch the game and drink some vino.
If I had a jetpack, I’d be scared to post a comment without it starting with “If I had a jetpack”. But I don’t have a jetpack, so I guess I’m done with this.
If I had a jetpack, Good Lord. I’m gonna go play trivia now.
If I had a jetpack, I like to pretend I’m still in college. So in keeping with the college years, anyone who didn’t start their comment with “If I had a jetpack” owes me 5 drinks. Including myself. Alright, seriously. I gotta stop this or I’m going to get every answer wrong tonight.
If I had a jetpack, I would go back in time and unfather dooter.
If I had a jetpack, I’d go to strip clubs and make it rain. And by make it rain I mean piss and blow explosive diarreah all over the place.
If I had a jetpack I would have burned my feet off by now.
If i had a jetpack… I don’t owe those five drinks.
If I had a jetpack I’d make my escape when the real Randal showed up to XOXO me endlessly.
If Eibmoz had a jetpack, I’d be laying in bed and be mightily surprised as I rolled over and she punched me.
Since I no longer have a jetpack, what’s your favorite tipple, MiZ?
And finally, for you Jaction!, if I had a jetpack, it would sound like this:
http://tinyurl.com/2gx8gh
^Jacktion!…GRRRR…Durst!
If I had a jetpack, I’d make Elton John hum “Rocket Man” on my scrotum.
If I had a jetpack, I’d be the flying freestyler, “Jetpac Shakur”.
**thump, thump** Is still on?
If I had a jetpack, I’d be up on the latest news in the Black commoonity. Also all the big booty hoes are the shizzle.
If I had a jetpack, it’d say, “Jesus Christ! What in the fuck happened here today?” But that would be ridiculous, jetpacks can’t talk! Or can they? Did elle0 slip me some angeldust? Sweetness.
If I had a jetpack, Oh sweet Lord! You got me good with that link, “Randal”. BTW, it’s okay that you spelled my name wrong, because you spelled your name wrong too.
Funny, that’s how it’s spelled on my Certificate of Parole.
That’s 15 drinks I owe to MiZ now.
If I had a jetpack, I’d flyin fuck some skeet like I was a gigantic vag.
And tomorrow the police report will read:
On October 30th, 2008 at 3:41 pm Crapbasket gave birth to the hell that is “If I had a jetpack…”
Over 9 hours later Crappie was found standing over a dead horse with a blood soaked tire iron and surrounded by what appeared to be an unholy amount of tears and semen.
There were no survivors.
If I had a jetpack, I would fly over to Vince’s place and show him my new jetpack, and then in the first post tomorrow he would be all like, “Hey, did you guys know Aimless has a jetpack? That is so cool! What would you do if you had a jetpack?”.
If I had a jetpack, I wouldn’t have ANY trouble with the fucking scissors!
You got a dead horse?
Do ya? Do ya punk?
Cuz I’ll KILL that mothfucker!!!
Who fucks moths around here!?! I’ll burn that sumbitch with mah jetpack exhaust!!
check out my list of scary movies for a kid who was a wuss.
http://www.thislalife.com
I fucking love you guys.
(And, yes…I read it ALL! ALL!!!)
hann’yyo Fek’lhr