10.31.08 THE NIC NOLTE WEEK IN REVIEW
Howdy, folks, Nolte here again. It’s been a busy week but now it’s time to relax. Personally, when I unwind I like to make myself a nice bourbon-flavored martini, tremored not stirred, garnished with a little gravel, and then find myself a clean floor to pass out on. Anyhow, here are some of the stories that were grindin my guts this week:
Bond Makes $79 Million in Product Placement
Bond hawkin Fords, I never thought I’d see it. Though I lost my virginity on the engine block of a Model T. Brings back memories. Miss that good ol’ leaded gasoline.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood, Prince
I like them magic stories. Reminds me a my 6th wife, Conchita, witch doctor I met in Guadalajara. Whittled her a ring out of a rattle snake back in ’74.
Joaquin Phoenix Retires From Acting
Sounds like he ain’t retired from railin’ percocets, I’ll tell ya that.
Princess Leia Pillow Fight
Heh, looks like my kinda party. Still, it ain’t a proper Princess Leia pillow fight till you glue razor blades to their forelegs.
Farrelly Bros Direct Walter the Farting Dog, Starring the Jonas Bros.
Sure, them girls is pretty, but can they sing?
Utah Jazz Owner Bans Zack and Miri
Hot damn, I’ve made love to three-legged aardvarks prettier’n that.
Richard Dreyfuss Disses Olly Stone
Stone claims to been in Vietnam, but when I asked him if he wanted to buy a gook ear necklace off me in ‘97 he looked at me like I was speakin Mexican.
The Chinese Braveheart
I can’t read subtitles on account a my double vision. Luckily I know a little Chinese on account a the time I spent as a rat trapper in Shanghai back in ’52.
Sinbad in Rehab
I know I’m an old timer, but when did rehab became the hip thing to do? In my day if you were feelin bad and needed to sober up, you just got a little hair a the dog that bit ya. Sprinkle that on a glass a scotch, bandage up your bite marks, and voila, good as new
Nic Cage and His Death Metal Son
Yeah, I bet that punk’s soft little hands ain’t never touched a grave shovel in his life. Trust me, I know grave shovelin’ callouses when I see em.
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There are 22 comments about:
THE NIC NOLTE WEEK IN REVIEW
Damn, this was a great week.
And by “great” I, of coarse, mean, “long.” And by “week” I mean “dump I’m taking.”
Aww hell, Choowbakka…
Wildcard, bitches!!!
Nick Nolte thought this thread had too many comments so he hired some aliens to obliterate 7/10ths of them. Nick Nolte loves fractions.
Alright, doing my duty and reporting on Halloween movies. House of 1,000 Corpses:
Sucks. Pretty stupid. Rob Zombies wife, Mrs. Zombie - Doable.
Ok, that was the Mother of All Dursts
MOAD is a serious offense. I’d like a second opinion.
Ok, you’re ugly too.
Okay, wow. Fair enough. I’d like to open this hour up to callers who have decent horror/slasher flick opinons. And no, Army of Darkness doesn’t count.
MiZ, give ‘The Devil’s Rejects’ a chance. It’s different from ‘House of 1,000 Corpses’. Not going to win any awards, but what horror/slasher flicks do?
I’m from ‘81. Alien is pretty much the Holy Grail of scary. I literally just got done with 1,000. But hey, TDR can’t be worse than half the movies we see on here. I’ll give it a shot.
It’s free OnDemand. My Dignity?: seven dollars.
Dial 976-EVIL.
MarkIt, the last horror movie I actually liked was Hostel. So there, you have another opinion now.
Why does Al only get stuck in the dolphin net at work? Weird.
We ain’t friends, we ain’t brothers and we ain’t friends. What the fuck was I sayin’.
Every Halloween party I went to over the last two days had at least three girls dressed as sexy cops. Unoriginal? Yes. Did I care? Fuck no.
Oh, and any parent that only lets their kids trick-or-treat at the mall deserves to die in a gruesome fucking escalator accident.
What are you complaining about now, Al?
lessly O, did you show those girls how to use their ‘night sticks’?
Yeah, they used their nightsticks to beat the shit out of me for causing too much trouble.
Wait…….maybe those were real cops. Did I mention I went as a Phillies fan?
Every Halloween party I went to this weekend didn’t exist.
I swear to fuck that there was a new post just a minute ago. Damn you Lance for fucking with my head!!
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