Other movie sites get sent spy pics and supposedly overhear bogus movie rumors from people who will remain anonymous all the time. I like to make fun of them, but I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I get a little jealous. But then, every so often, I get the kind of insider information that makes me grateful I don’t get more. Read on for a spoilerlicious email (but only if you like spoilers).
*sigh*
Only a FilmDrunkard (slightly paraphrased):
I was hanging out with my friend who’s working on Gran Torino right now, and, long story short, old man Eastwood gets f-cking shot to death at the end. TA-DA!!!!
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Ah, but what they don’t tell us is that he was wearing a metal plate under his poncho
*scratches balls, sniffs fingers*
*scratches e-mail post, sniffs fingers*
This smells like chodin.
Shot with what? Gun? Dude Wad? Expanding foam? Tazer? Steroids?
Tells me NOTHING!
Fine, you want a spoiler? At the end of HSM3 I jerk off.
To death? Didn’t he have his nitro pills???
I read the headline and assumed we’d be talking about the giant fiberglass wings the gang wound up duct-taping onto that classic car.
You watched that last night too, Stone?
I practice Clint Eastwood’s scowl in a mirror (mostly when applying my lipstick).
Um, maybe? What did I miss?
YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON IF YOU PUT A GIGANTIC REAR SPOILER ON YOUR FRONT WHEEL DRIVE HONDA CIVIC!!
FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!!!
FUCK YOOOOUUUUU!!!!!
<=== Low blood sugar… Lunchtime!!
I thought you were referencing the dude that tried to jump the river between Michigan and Canadia with a jet powered car with fiberglass wings. It was on “Destroyed In Seconds” on Discovery Channel last night. Guess not.
Don’t mind the slobbering idiot in the corner. He’s harmless.
Halfway through the movie, Xhibit shows up to install a 60-inch monitor where his windshield used to be.
It looks like it could fly.
Do you feer rucky?
<====(imagine Crapmutt’s avi)
Just saw Feklahr (with Grond in hand) standing naked over a pile of burning corpses in a small office, projectile-forshakking gah durchfall all over that rotten fucking copy machine that always fucking streaks!
Ironically enough, I saw the last half of that show – I especially enjoyed the bulldozer rampage.
Every movie where a white middle class person tries to save the non-white ghetto kids should end like this. Callahan keeps it real.
Bulldozer you say? Hmm…He wonders if THEY have five day waiting periods…
JHC: are you talking about this idiot?
ht tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLsVWFGO7aQ
If so it wasn’t a Gran Torino, it was a Lincoln Continental. Which coincidentally is no more aerodynamic than a large box of rocks with cardboard wings taped to the side.
This is one of my all-time favorite YouTube videos, and one of the only ones I can post to a family web site.
Honkey thinks honkey really ‘hood? Honkey gettin’ capped.
(Why do I smell burnt toast?)
Every movie where a white middle class person tries to save the non-white ghetto kids should end like this. Callahan keeps it real.
This is why they never made a ‘Different Strokes’ movie.
I guess I’m not the only one who thinks that Clint looks like Walter.
He even stole my picture.
Hence the picture title “Thanks to jacktion for the comparison photo”.
Lance, give Jack back his masturbation material. Lets all play nice
Am I the only one who doesn’t see the picture title?
Fek, the guy basically took a large bulldozer, armored it with two layers of 1/2″ steel plate separated by a layer of concrete. He cut gun ports in it, installed video cameras and monitors so he could see.
He got in, welded himself inside, and took the thing out for a tour of the town, systematically destroying houses and buildings owned by those he deemed to have wronged him.
When the engine finally died, he shot himself.
roll the cursor over the photo, Jack
I’m not trying to be a dick, I just didn’t see it initially, and haven’t seen it upon closer inspection, either.
Thanks, Stone.
Did it always do that?
I’m used to the italics below the picture.
Technology frightens me.
And it frightens Clint, too.
And Clint frightens me.
You gotta hover your pointer over the picture to see the cap, Jack.
/is here to help
The thumb works in mysterious ways, Jack.
/is really slow
Does Eastwood violently defecate after he dies? How about some spoilers on that?
That’s the guy Stinky. I swear I can’t see how that went badly.
I love you guys! Destroyed in Seconds, Shockwave, top drawer entertainment folks. Shit crashing/blowing up/getting crushed = Direporn!
I am truely among equals.
<=== Just found lettuce in Quarterpounder.
If that’s not the face of “Oops I Crapped my Pants,” then I don’t know what is. With maybe the exception of Crappy.
Kim Basinger be shootin everybody.
I imagine someone his age shits himself every now and again.
Like now *farts* and again *another fart*
Do I have to wait till I’m old as fuck to shit myself?
I find it very convenient.
Crappy, I’m sure they only let Ron Pitts host the show because he can get autographs from pro athletes for the producers.
Pauly, someone my age shits themselves more often than they like to admit. Ask my wife.
I haven’t shit myself in months so i know I’m due.
I’m walking on eggshells due to me having nachos last night and being sneezy today.
Just gotta keep it tight, like Mama always said.
All the cool kids are shitting themselves these days and I desperately want to be cool.
*Squirts in pants*
New, smorgasbord of shit up.
When did Dirty Harry start looking more like a “Dirty Hairy Ballsack?”
Is it too much to hope that they actually shoot Clint? I am tired of him making deep movies where I am suppossed to learn a little something about myself and tolerance. Fuck tolerance. I want to see him shoot Italian sterotypes and bang 21 year olds because he is Clint Eastwood.