STATHAM. ROURKE. FIDDY.
10.21.08
I know, I know, it sounds like a celebrity jeopardy fantasy matchup, but Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, and 50 Cent are all going to be in the same movie together. 13 is a remake of French filmmaker Gela Babluani’s 13 Tzameti.
Babluani penned the English-language remake, which centers on a man who steals a mysterious package that promises to pay out a fortune.
“13 Tzameti” was the winner of the 2006 Sundance Grand Jury Prize.
The film will start shooting Nov. 17 in and around New York City. [Variety]
Oi, dis package ain’t so fock’n mysterious if evry bird in town’s seen it, now duz dey? Cuz oy’s fock’n Jason bloody Stafam now ain’t oy? Now wot’s diss big bloody black bahstahd who talks wif ‘is fock’n mouf closed doin eah? An oo’s diss cont wiff da face dat’s made out a fock’n clay? Duz oy get ta droive roun’ inna flash sazz wagon in diss one? An when do oy staht trasnpor’erin’ fings? Or duzz maybe moy package set to explode if da birds get too far away from it? Oy’ll be in moy fock’n traila doin bloody squat frusts.
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If you shaved Rourke he’d look just like Gollum.
This movie will have subtitles, I hope.
The twist for this movie is that 50 Cent is going to play a street-wise hustler with a unique sense of justice and, ultimately, a heart of gold.
With only 50 and Rouke around, Jason had a hard time decding who to speed fuck so his heart doesn’t stop.
That was sarcasm. 50 Cent has a heart of platinum. Nuck-a.
Babluani penned the English-language remake
Methinks he hired the wrong actors for that.
If they’re only going to name the movie 13, they should have Chris Hansen in some theaters because you just know…
This is gonna suck so hard no light will escape the theaters.
When not on set, Mickey Rourke often entertains at children’s birthday parties as “Fondle the Clown.”
Here’s one of my favorite things Hollytardland does; Take any good foriegn film, and fuck it up.
Look assholes, learn to read fucking subtitles. Not.Hard.
Aww, man. For a second there i thought we were going to get a remake of Sixteen Candles.
*chodin C-walks into thread, grabs some dude’s nuts and sits down*
Lince, you live in NYC, I double-dog dare you to go on set and accost Jason Stratham in your best (worst?) Cockney accent.
I once tried to pick up a chick at a bar by using an Australian accent. She was on to my shenanigans when she asked what part of Australia I was from and I said slyly, “The same place they make those little sausages”.
Either she knew I was full of shit, or she thought I had just given away my biggest insecurity.
Between Statham’s accent, 50′s huge fucking teeth and Rourke’s melting lips, Long Duck Dong had better make a cameo.
I would so love to hate fuck Statham
Rourke’s face looks like someone Nickelodeon GACK-ed his ass.
Tzameti is French for “inches”. The mystery box contains the worlds greatest penis pump.
Oh, SPOILER!
A remake of Thirteen? Sweet. I hope 50 is playing the Holly Hunter role.
/No bra, no panties.
I don’t think that I could ever fight a shirtless Statham..
…mainly because he’d fuck me up, real good.
I’ve seen pieces of shit smoother than Rourke’s face.
Remember the spaghetti westerns where most of the actors were speaking different languages? No idea why this reminds me of that.
Banner pic:
Statham and Clyde’s homo bunp and grind act blow away the front row at Dangler’s Male Review
50 Cent thinks Spaghetti Westerns are Italian Resturants that also serve Hamburgers.
Awww…you do listen to me. Lookit that, shirtless Statham.
It looks like someone pissed in Mickey Rourkes gene pool.
Mickey Rourke’s favorite morning cereal is ‘Ark of the Covenant with Raisins’.
Mickey Rourke chose poorly
If my balls sagged half as much as Mickey Rourke’s face, I’d be famous for being “that guy with the balls that look like Mickey Rourke”.
If Mickey Rourke was a muppet, his name would be Embalmo.
Mickey Rourke’s face is tighter than every muscle on Statham’s body…
…and he didn’t even need to work out, FAG!
Mickey Rourke has almost gone full Klingon.
Mickey Rourke hasn’t sneezed since 1899: FACT, cocksuckers.
Rourke’s face and Tara Reid’s ass shook hook-up.
Rourke’s face doubles as an adobe house.
Be careful kids, I heard that Mickey Rourke is going as Mickey Rourke this Halloween.
Things have been tense on the set because every time they have a scene together Mickey tries to make Fiddy wear an oversized purple ski mask.
Rourke and Busey are getting together to start a production company, Curb Crank Heads. Said Busey, “I’m the brains, he’s the looks.”
I saw a life-size bust of Mickey Rourke on Easter Island.
I’d love to just kick it with these guys on set:
Statham: “I’ve foooocked so many birdies.”
50 Cent: “I been shot up like a mutha’ fucka’.”
Rourke: ” *wet noise* *drool* *splash* *dribble*”
Mickey has to frequently wear eye goggles due to people stabbing him in his face with a spoon thinking it’s a bowl of corn flakes.
Scene: During break on the set.
50 Cent: Yo! I’z inda gwonna phis dit updat! YO!
Statham: Wot da fook? Iz dat english o Swahili?
Rourke: {vomits blood on midget PA and injects meth directly into his forehead}
Great.
So glad I dithered before posting that so I could take Chodin from behind.
Lego held a competition where the entrants had to build a life size statue of Mickey Rourke. The winning entry was controversial as it consisted of a baboon’s arse grafted onto a shaved orang utan’s shoulders, but it was the closest anyone got.
If Mickey Rourke were that guy from Double Dragon, the game would have been pulled off of shelves.
I’ve had mornings where the girl laying next to me enters the shower as Mickey Rourke but exits as 50 Cent.
Wait, wha-?!?
Are they gonna hand out cockney/ebonics/mumble to english translation handbooks.
After filming completed, Rourke crawled back under his bridge and gnawed on the bones of a hundred Have You Seen Me children.
Crap – I think we’re both on the same set today. Meet me behind the craft service table for some crack.
<== Just bumped into Rourke walking out of the Sunset Av. Denny’s bathroom.
Mickey Rourke’s idea of handsfree driving is sinking his cell phone half way through the side of his head and leaving it there.
Jason Statham and Mickey Rouke should star together in anti-drug ads. Statham can play “Before” and Rourke can play “After”
YAY!
{claps hands}
KEEeeerrrRRRACK!!
{cartwheels behind craft services}
After years of misuse and build up, no one had the heart to tell Rourke that you have to wash the Noxema off after use.
Rourke, the consumate method actor, has been preparing for his reprisal of Hurt’s Elephant Man for years.
I miss the cool Mickey Rourke, when he was in, ummm, ummmm, give me a minute…
When not terrifying children or ferrying small dogs, Mickey Rourke works as a stunt double for every character on the Wallace and Gromit movies.
Mickey Rourke must take human growth hormone the way diabetics take insulin. Sylvester Stallone walked up to Mickey Rourke and said, “Yo, Mick, think maybe you’re taking this a little too far?”
There isn’t enough crack-cocaine in the world to satisfy that movie set.
Statham, Rourke and Fiddy walk into a bar. I forget how the rest of the joke goes, but suffice to say that the cops are involved.
In high school, I scraped a wad of dried chewing gum from beneath my desk and said “Holy Shit, this looks just like Mickey Rourke.”
The wad of gum went on to star in “Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man.”
50 is a squish-faced little turd. Everyone knows girls don’t even care that much about abs. Right guys? Guys? Riiight? Guu-uuys????
My god, I love coming home from a long-ass day to Stathamese.
I have no idea what this post was even about, I skipped right to the Statham. Did I miss something?