^{Shouldn’ta pissed off the Asians, Clint. You know they roll deep.}

After the jump I’ve got the new trailer for The Warlords (Tau Ming Chong), starring Jet Li (though something tells me that’s not his real name).

…A heroic tale of three blood brothers and their struggle in the midst of war and political upheaval. It is based on “The Assassination of Ma,” a Qing Dynasty (1644-1911) story about the killing of general Ma Xinyi.

Yeah, so it kinda looks like Braveheart with Kung Fu, which… sounds pretty bitchin’.  Also, and this is neither here nor there, I really think all Chinese phrases should have an exclamation point at the end.  Tau Ming Chong!  Ma Xinyi!  You break you buy! It’s just a language that lends itself really well to shouting. Read the rest of this entry »

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Fox Searchlight is adapting a “dystopian tale” called Age of Rage.  All they say about it is that it’s “Children of Men meets Lord of the Flies”, which is pretty much the stupidest comparison ever, considering Children of Men is about a world without children and Lord of the Flies is about a world without adults.  Put them together and what do you get? Either a world that’s like the regular world or a story with no humans. Sounds thrilling.

Anyway, the project is going to be directed by Marc Webb, a music video director who did the Matisyahu video above.  Here’s my point: watch this shit and tell me Matisyahu (aka Matthew Miller) and Andy Samberg’s “Ras-Trent” (video after the jump) aren’t the same f-cking guy. Buhda ding ding ding whooaa oh oh… Read the rest of this entry »

There’s a few more movie stories out there today, but I’m not gonna lie to you, they’re pretty F-ing boring.  So I thought, “Hey, why not Walker Texas Ranger riding a jetpack instead?”

[Thanks to Robo for the tip on the vid]

Bernie Mac seemed like a cool guy, so I’d hate for him to go out like Raul Julia.  But I can’t ignore the fact that the new Red-Band trailer for Soul Men has both a guy getting hit in the face and a guy getting hit in the nuts.  Either one is the kiss of death (see The Rocker and Love Guru for other examples of this).  Lines I enjoyed:

“Skip on these muthaf-ckin nuts!”
“How you gone hit a nigga inna nuts?”
“I don’ like boy pussy no way.”

More for the rest of us, I say.

^{Please cast Disaster Girl}

Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) will direct a live-action film adaptation of The Preacher.

The PREACHER series [which ran from 1995-2000], unquestionably one of the most compelling comic titles ever published, involves a rough-and-tumble Texan preacher who becomes imbued with the power of Genesis (the offspring of angel and demon). When he finds out God has left his post in Heaven, he takes off with his amateur assassin ex-girlfriend and an Irish vampire named Cassidy on a mission to make the Lord answer for his transgression. During their bizarre adventures they encounter various murderers and sodomites, the immortal Saint of Killers, and a secret paramilitary organization dedicated to protecting the bloodline of Christ. [JoBlo]

Kevin Smith had previously planned an adaptation which got all the way to the casting stage (aka the Preacher argues with God about Battlestar Galactica), and Ghost Rider director Mark Steven Johnson was developing it as an HBO series until HBO passed on it a few months ago (aka Nic Cage threatens God with his massive forehead).   Anyway, if I ever got to confront God, I’d probably be all like, “Yo, no buttf-cking?  Wut up wit dat?”