Pretty much everyone who saw the Da Vinci Code hated it, but it made money so Tom Hanks and Ron Howard were forced to do the sequel, Angels and Demons, based on the book, which actually takes place (and was written) before the Da Vinci Code.  This is just a teaser with hardly any footage, but we do get to see that the Illuminati have branded some dude.  I don’t know who the Illuminati are, but judging by this I’m gonna have to guess they’re a black fraternity.

As much as I like to make fun of Tom Cruise for being the leader of a retard cult who’s been “acting” for almost 30 years yet can’t even do a British accent, Valkyrie does still come from Bryan Singer and Chris McQuarrie, and they’re two of the best at what they do.

After about a billion delays, Valkyrie is finally opening December 26th, and UA has just released the final trailer.  Cruise plays Klaus Von Stauffenberg, a guy who tried to kill Hitler.  He’s a hero in Germany because he lets Germans say, “See?  We weren’t all bad, there was that one guy!”  Then you ask what happened to him and they get all quiet, “Well, uh, well you see, um, what happened was…”  Sorry?  You trailed off a little there.  “Yeah.  We, uh, executed him by firing squad.  …Oh, and uh, after we buried him? Hehe, this is a funny story… We, um, well, we dug up his body, took off his medals, and had him cremated.  …That dude was f-ckin cool though.”

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Oi, allo.  Oy’m fock’n Jason Stafam.  But yous probly already knew dat, didn’t ya?  Cunt.  Anywoay, Oy’s heah ta introduce da new TV spot fa moy new movie, da Transpor-uh paht Free.  As you praps already know, in dis film Oy droive round inna flash bloody sazz wagon, bloindin cunts wif how fock’n shoiny da bloody fing is.

Oi, but oy’ve also got more impor-un fings ta tell yous about, now don’ oy?  Look heah: keep da fock’n pets spayed an’ neu-uhd, will ya?  Oy mean for fock’s saike.  Loike, da ovva daiy, oy wuz out inna yahd doin fock’n push-ups, roight?  An’ long story shoht, Oy’s shaggin dis fit bird, when all ovva sudden Oy rolls ovva, an’ Oy squishiz inna big fock’n poile a bloody dog flop, innit.  An Oy’m finking, “Oi.  When did moy lawn turn into a fock’n poikey traila’, now don’ oy?”

So da moral of da story is dat dere’s too many fock’n bloody dogs muckin’ about, now don’ it?  Oi, so get it sore-id out before oy have ta taike moy fock’n shir’ off an’ staht buggerin’ cunts, ya heah?

Oi, ‘course oy’s jokin, moy shir’s already off.

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Even though he’s not actually in it, McLovin introduces this new clip from Role Models (trailer, opens 11-7), in which Sean Stifler Scott and Bobb’e [his parents despise the letter I] Thompson discuss the merits of “boobies”.  I’ve heard this is a pretty funny movie, but I think calling tits boobies past the age of three should be frowned upon… with fists.  Also, sure this kid is cute and funny now, but that means it’s gonna be that much sadder when OD’s on heroin in ten years.  I’m telling you, friends don’t let friends raise child actors.

[via ScreenJunkies]

via QuietEarth:

“The boys and their father Il Duce have been living in seclusion, deep in Ireland on a sheep farm, away from everything, when Il Duce’s brother comes to tell them that a priest was murdered in Boston and it was set up to look like it was done by the Saints.

The boys rush back to deal with it while their supposedly ailing father stays on the farm. As soon as the brothers land, they start picking off anyone who may be tied to this framing.

Why does their Irish father have an Italian name, you ask?  Well, there’s an interesting story there, but the gist is that Troy Duffy’s a dipshit.  Anyway, this sounds like Godfather II but with more pointlessly killing people in slow motion.  (more on why Boondock Saints sucks after the jump) Read the rest of this entry »