Slumdog Millionaire is Danny Boyle’s film about a poor Indian kid who goes on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire in order to impress a girl. I hope he wins so he can go back the slum and tell her “See, bitch? Now who’s too good for whom,” and then light a giant spliff with a $100 bill and splash cow shit on her with his Hummer on the way to a gangbang. Guess I’m just old fashioned like that.
Also: needs more dancing condoms.
The best age for kids is when they’re young enough that you can just dress them up in different outfits like dolls. …I mean, uh, action figures. Shut up. What I meant was, the best age is, like, high school chicks. GRR, FOOTBALL!
Also: If you’re dressing as the Joker today, you’re hereby sentenced to 11 months of ridicule.
The movie blogosphere is all a-jizz today over the news that Sony has hired David Lindsay-Abaire to write the script for Spider-Man 4 (Zodiac writer James Vanderbilt had previously written a draft). Besides having a stupid hyphenated name, Lindsay-Abaire won a Pulitzer Prize in 2007 for his play Rabbitt Hole.
“Ooh, look at me, I have a Pulitzer Prize.” Whatever. I didn’t even know they had those in theater. Who even watches plays anymore? Plays are like movies without explosions or bare tits. They might as well award a Pulitzer Prize in Alchemy, or riding horses.
Oh hey, and you know what else this guy wrote? Inkheart. With Brendan Fraser. Case closed. Advantage: me. Mixed metaphors? Touchdown.
I’m convinced Sam Jackson must have a fifty thousand dollar a day coke habit, because he will take any job anywhere. When he found out he wasn’t up for any part in Inglourious Basterds, he called up Tarantino himself. Apparently it worked, because he now has a small part as the narrator, who has lines like:
“Needless to say, once the Basterds got heard about him, he never got there.”
“For in the other world, the gods only respect the ones they test first. Well Sgt., this is your test. And the gods are watching.” [JoBlo]
It’s tempting to think those are typos, but let’s face it, they’re not. These days there’s nothing Quentin loves more than broken English and circular, excessively prefaced monologues. In fact, many say that Tarantino is in love with circular monologues. But I’ll tell you this: he also loves broken English. Because if there’s one thing he’s extremely fond of, and we’re talking Quentin Tarantino here, it’s broken English and circular monologues.
If you don’t watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, stop being a homo that show’s awesome. In a recent episode, Dennis wakes up in rehab surrounded by Sinbad and Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20. And if you need to know more about this clip than that, it’s probably not going to work out between us.
Reminds me of the time I killed a hooker with Tommy Davidson and Johnny Rzeznik. Rzeznik said he would cut me if I ever went to the cops, but I just kept sayin, “I won’t tell ‘em your name.”
**sits in the corner**
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