In a world… where the writers of Home Improvement watched Die Hard…
This is the trailer for Mall Cop, which is now called Paul Blart: Mall Cop, starring Kevin James. Boy, fat people like food almost as much as wives like to nag, am I right? Seriously though, I’m sorry I have nothing funny to say about this. Kevin James is to comedy what hemorrhoids are to my asshole. Watching this makes want to break into the zoo like this Australian kid and kick the shit out of the lizards and feed all the animals to a crocodile.
[Thanks to Robo for the tip]
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It’s funny because his name rhymes with fart.
It comes as no surprised to see our pal Adam Sandler is behind this.
It’s funny cuz VaLince has ‘roids! ROTFJO!
Although I may have been surprised enough for a typo.
So, Uproxx watches Project Runway and hates Kenley too? Lance, are you Uproxx?
I like Leanne. She’s cute like a little puppy.
Seriously though, did anyone read the article about the australian kid? That’s some fucked up shit.
I know, and they cant charge him. WTF?
<—- The best I could do on short notice.
And, where were his parents? I have a 6 year old, and cant imagine him even thinking something like that, let alone have the free time to do it
I am Uproxxx. This season of Project Runway is violently disappointing, although Kennely looked hot as the slutty pop star.
I am Uproxxx.
Kevin James is to comedy what hemorrhoids are to my asshole.
Yeah, but which one would you rather have coming all over your asshole?
Who the fuck is the Uproxxx koala? And why didn’t I think of it first?
Sure did VaLince, and that is some seriously fucked up shit.
Tomorrow’s serial killers, today!
I know who it is erswi, I’ll tell you for a quicky in the supply closet…
The only way Kevin James would make me laugh is if he died.
Please, DM, you dont have to bribe him. He is a slut.
The only way Kevin James could make me laugh is if he was possessed by the ghost of Bill Hicks
I drank a shot of Drano everytime Palin winked last night.
You guys didn’t play that game?
That Australian kid should be shot. I’d volunteer to do it if I even thought they’d entertain the notion.
Also, Eibz I ♥ U.
Seems that dingo ate the wrong baby.
Dor sho gha! That qovlpathing koala is hadiBahing His fucking mind!!!!
BTK, what’s the deal with the Australian kid? (summary, plz)
BTK, The Uff has some camel toe up. (No forshak!)
Monday on the Donk & J In The Morning Show, we’ll see how our roving reporter C-Dog fared with his assignment of breaking into Sea World and finger banging Shamu while getting blown by a bottle nosed dolphin.
What do you think the odds are that the kid uses the phrase, “sugar tits,” already?
I was going to say something funny… But If I mention the name “Kevin James” it instantly becomes not funny…
I now dub Kevin James as the “Antifunny”
It went great guys, but that whale pink stink is not comming off this finger!
Hey, you guys know dolphins have teeth? My dong looks like a bloody corncob! Wakka wakka!!
I thought Kenley was cute at first, but her lack of an upper lip and the way she talks with her top teeth rubbing her bottom lip has gradually begun to drive me insane.
I am sorry Andy, but Dane Cook already has that post.
The Antifunny now knows what a TV Dinner feels like before the Antifunny consumes that TV Dinner because he is more alone than me…
I agree Vince. I hate that. And her feather hair thing
HE SAID, “SUMMARY, PLZ”!!!
An Austrailian 7 yr old broke into a zoo and killed animals and fed them to the crocodile.
Thats a tough choice bmo…. I think my head would explode with that decision at the poll…
Can you not click links? Some Australian 7-year old broke into a zoo and bashed the shit out of some lizards and fed animals to a crocodile. I pretty much summarized it in the post.
oops, sorry, I meant Dane Cook was a funny sucking black hole of comedy.
It’s in the post fek. This furture leader of a 7 yo kid broke into a reptile zoo in Australia, smashed some lizards with a rock anf flung some alive to be eaten by a satly croc. Then he left. He’s under 10 so they can’t charge him with anything but mommy and daddy are gettin sued.
Well at least the trailer had Bas Rutten in it – the former UFC Champ that has the string of self defense videos that advocate shoving a Tabasco bottle up the ass of a guy once you’ve knocked him out.
^I think that’s how he’s referred to.
I’ll agree with that… Dane Cook as the Sucking Black hole and Kevin James as the Antifunny…. Anyone disagree?
Text 48762 and enter A, B, or C to vote for your favorite summary. We’ll get you the results after the show!
Goddamnit Crappy, now nobody will tune in Monday! Maybe we can do a show on how Bravo is actually the driving force behind latent homosexuality in the
blogosphereworld?Where does James Belushi fit into that?
Killer of Comedy?
Kevin James’ fatness slowly rubbed off on Leah Remini. Fuck head.
I waas just thinking how many bad comedians there are…
Dane Cook
Kevin James
James Belushi
Carlos Mencia
All Women Comedians
I like chubby Leah Remini…
Does this mean Carrot Top is the red headed stepchild of funny?
I would beat that ginger more than my meat…
And, women can be funny. What about Princess Di’s car crash? Hi larious
All women comedians are not funny? So, you’re telling me you don’t enjoy Ant??
I’m saying women lack the ability to be funny… w/o hurting themselves….
oh, I see. Your Mom was pretty funny last night.
Point Eibmoz…
Andy, just because you have to pay for sex is no reason to take out these feelings of hostility on an entire gender.
I am Uproxxx. The Australian kid should have fed Blaine to the Crocodile. He’d have been Blaine-licious.
I am Uproxxx.
That aussie kid is fucking Michael Myers. They need to make sure he is AWAY from all living creatures. I mean seriously, that’s typical behavior of a psycho right there.
I don’t pay for sex… I pay for company for an hour… That way the cops can’t bust down my door…
Its a shame though that I pay for an hour and I have an extra 53 minutes… I usually play checkers after…
Yeah, and my Mom hates fucking checkers!
That Aussie kid is fucking Michael Myers??? Well, that explains it.
But she loves it up the ass…
Sorry… I meant Anne Hathaway….
Look at the ladies! The odds of all three of you having PMS at the same time must be astronomical. Give ‘em hell, girls.
*backs out of room slowly*
new up…. Y would you wish that on anyone JHC?
Fucking lizard.
New Up!
JHC, you’re only getting away with that because I both love and worship you. And because you’re right.
Al, FYI dear, I tried in vain to get a FB page up last night, but I was so drunk after celebrating the Dodgers flogging of the Cubs that I failed.
See, I try.
Is my internet/brain fucked or have you got the Joe Kinnear interview up there?
I once fed a bunch of animals to a crocodile in Zoo Tycoon. Could I, too, be a sociopath?
“Kevin James is to comedy what hemorrhoids are to my asshole.”
So are you saying that he sticks out from the rest?