High School Musical 3 opens this weekend, and I shit you not, experts are predicting a $40 million-plus opening weekend. According to Nikki Finke, HSM3 currently accounts for 85% of all movie tickets sold on MovieTicket.com, and 86% on Fandango.
This movie is going to make a billion dollars. You know what I call that? Poetic justice. This is exactly what all of you sex and violence-hating pussies deserve: a nation full of gay kids. Because you know what you get when you take nudity and gun fights out of movies? You get a bunch of f-cking kids doing a big musical number about basketball on the basketball court. Then you hand your son a basketball and tell him to go play and wonder why he just stares at it like it’s a stage prop. Look at that f-cking picture! I gazed at it a little too long and all of a sudden I was French-kissing a man. Just imagine your kid sitting through two hours of that. That would make a lumberjack love cock.
But I’m sure it’s fine. Just make sure you send him to one of those camps that cures gay people, where they make him bunk with 20 other gay kids and all the counselors are guys who were gay until they learned how to conquer their queer with Jesus.