Aww shit, Spike Lee done just drove by bouncin’ on hydros and spinners

USA Today today (aaah! brain aneurysm!) premiered the poster for Gran Torino, which features Clint Eastwood’s first acting role since Million Dollar Baby.

His Gran Torino character is Walt Kowalski, a racist Korean War veteran whose prized possession is a classic car that catches the eye of local gangs in his Detroit neighborhood. One of the troubled kids who covets the vehicle is from a family of Hmong immigrant neighbors, whom Kowalski has long resented.

“The young kid, as part of a gang initiation, tries to steal it, and the old guy gets him at the end of the M-1, which becomes kind of a big deal,” Eastwood says. “The kid has to do penance because of the pride of the Asian group. They make him do penance. He has to come over, and the old guy doesn’t want anything to do with him, doesn’t want him anywhere around.” The fastest way to rid himself of the boy, Kowalski decides, is to cooperate. “Walt helps him get a job and helps him toughen up a bit,” Eastwood says. “(Walt) doesn’t work construction. He’s retired. But he gets the boy in through a buddy, an old crony. They take him in and try to show him how to handle himself in life.”

Wait, did he say “pride of Asians”? Holy shit, they’re like lions. All this time I had no idea you were supposed to refer to minority groups this way. “Slow down, do you see Billy?” “There he is, across from that flock of Mexicans. –Uh oh, school of blacks, 3 o’clock, better lock the doors.”

Reached for comment, Spike Lee said, “Oh yeah? Well I’ma call all you muthaf-ckin crackas a ‘Murder of Whiteys.’ Pretty muthaf-ckin apropos, you ask me.”