Well, they’ve finally done it. They’ve come up with a zombie movie idea so stupid that no humans would be in it. But luckily for you, they went ahead and made it anyway, using the magic of modern technology and Indian kids locked in a basement somewhere.
After the jump, you can check out the new trailer for the thrilling, direct-to-DVD thrill ride, Resident Evil: Degeneration (now there’s an apt title). It’s just like a video game but without all that tiresome button pushing.
And as always, George Washington picture comes courtesy of Punchface Thunderdog. You can really tell when someone’s not doing their Photoshop work on the trackpad of their 13″ laptop.
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As if “Extinction” was already a great choice for that franchise.
Wasn’t.* Nevermind my lack of typing skeels.
Resident Evil:Enough of This Shit Already was too long?
At the pitch meeting the response should have been defenestration.
look it up if you have to
Somebody should find the Hollywood fuckers that keep greenlighting these fucking shit-fests and shoot them in the fucking heads.
That’s the only way to kill ‘em.
Also, GPP . . . I don’t have to.
<—- architect. Remember?
GenePoo, I had to look it up. Nice.
Hey, we covered defenestration here a long time ago…Robo, can I get a second?
The Mighty Feklahr wishes Lanky would Photoshop his thumb on that pic of Geroge Washingto.
Erswi, I’m curious to know why an architect would know about getting thrown out a window. Oh, right, nevermind.
^^ that was on behalf of Contractor Mike, BTK.
Hey take it easy!! I’m looking forward to this! It’s a sequel to Resident Evil 4, and it’s going to make up for the live-action shitfests! Resident Evil deserves a good film, ecspecially since it the game came out before any of these shitty zombie films in the past 10 years. Leon Kennedy FTW. And besides, Advent Children did great on DVD.
I know nothing about being thrown from a window. Now throwing others, that’s a horse of a different color.
Get rid of ‘it’^ up there. Typing is a paranoid task while I’m at work.
*incoming transmission*
People that like Resident Evil are cumdumpsters.
*end transmission*
There’s this bug (about 1/4 inch long)that lives in my apartment.
Talk about your resident weevil.
When I was younger I worked for an historical blacksmith near where I lived. All fucking day he’d bang shit out on his Resident Anvil.
Fuck you for starting this Jack.
Didn’t Romero start making zombie movies in the 60s?
Strange, I was just thinking about things that suck; vacuum, whorex, turkey basters, video game movies…
I’d say something about your upcoming President Evil but it’s not really my place.
So the prior post was about President Fecal?
+1 to Al, for the thunder steal!
Mountain View Cemetery has their own Resident Evel.
Avalanche, dont use Sora to put forth your silly RE platform. I like the games, but as movies they suck.
Frank Zappa kicked his son out after he got tired of living with his Resident Dweezil.
It’s like a shit computer game where you never get ‘your turn’… Like when you get invited round to some cool kid’s house from school and you sit there like an idiot for 4 hours while they just play game after game and you never get a go. And then you wander off and take a shit in their linen closet…
Bryce, have you considered therapy?
Did somebody up there say that a CGI movie about zombies would somehow make up for FOUR shitty live-action movies?
I SAID GOOD DAY!
All of my mail is addressed to “Resident Evil.” Fucking neighborhood watch.
Better than Resident Weeble.
Steve’s latest project Irrelevent Segal.
*Jacktion! flies past in a biplane, laughing maniacally*
*wanted to make a President Evil/Obama joke*
So how about those Rays?
Watching a Resident Evil movie is as much fun as reading a Choose Your Own Adventure book in numerical page order.
I was on a homeowners association board and all we ever talked about was resident’s evils.
Worst things about living in Raccoon City:
1. Garbage can lids always knocked off
2. Sequels
3. That one cock-tease chick police officer whose uniform is way too small, but if you ask to play “hide the serum” she gets all huffy and tasers you in the nuts well la de freakin’ da your highness.
4. Minor league baseball team’s mascot – Skidmark E. Mark, the fun-lovin’ roadkill.
5. Zombies.
One time for Valentine’s Day I made my girlfriend a personalized Choose Your Own Adventure book. Every page said “Road head or walk home?”
I prefered this cartoon when it was called Final Fantasy. And it didn’t have zombies in it. And it had some production values. And some fucking standards!!!
Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor would goddam gangbang and bukakke these fucking film-makers.
They should make this a silent film and call it “Reticent Evil”.
*Jacktion! twirls his moustache and ties a woman to railroad tracks*
They should make a movie about a squeamish serial killer
Hesitant Evil
There’s this cute girl at karaoke every Wednesday. She can’t carry a tune worth shit, but I’d bone her. She’s our Resident Avril.
I once got raped by a monk. I call that mendicant evil.
Recidivate Evil. Throw those filmmakers in the slam for this “movie”.
I’d be more interesting in seeing Fixodent Evil. It’s where all the elderly zombies misplace their dentures and have to look for them under couch cushions and in dressers while those that are still human shoot them in the face. I love watching old people die.
You can’t stop zombie movies, they sit on many years of precedent evil.
Burnsy, see nominations page.
Negligent People?
I prefer the PG-13 knockoff version . . . Habitant Iniquitous.
I guess I will have to have more anal to receive a nomination.
a requisite evil
This time, the house is haunted by the ghost of Bob Ross. Resident Easel.
How about a blast of a fucking film about the rockin rollas at the old folks home, Incontinent Peoples.
Looks like I picked the right week to change my username.
Previous post: President: Weasel.
I bet if they made a CGI version of Battlefield Earth it wouldn’t suck.
And I agree with Eib. I also like the games, but this movie looks like complete shit.
Yes it would
George Lucas says, “Finally you can make a quality movie without relying on those annoying fleshlings”
I haven’t watched the trailer. As much as you guys made me laugh with your responses, I’ll at least give this a rental and send in my review, hooray! Has “Resident Evil: Defecation” already been said?
They somehow manged to make a movie just using the worst parts of a game – the cut scenes.
Some things over which game designers should be murdered by having wood screws drilled into their skulls;
Cut scenes that you cannot skip.
Checkpoint saves.
Making another WWII FPS.
DM, you forgot one:
Making a new fucking Guitar Hero with drums and making the drumkit superior in every way to the Rock Band drumkit I already shelled out 150 bones for. Fuck you, Electronic Arts.
Also, side missions. Sorry. Make it two things.
Avalanche, I have seen the trailer, and the CGI quality doesn’t even come close to Advent Children. I’m just trying to save you a rental fee here.
You can play Pearl Jam’s Dissident Evil on the new Guitar Hero.
Oh and,
Any blow shit up game without ragdoll physics and destructable environments.
and,
Shitty voice acting.
Did I ever tell you about the time I saw a vagina?
It was awesome.
Really Jack!? What game was it in?
remu
http://tinyurl.com/68teqt
(SFW) – about all the fuckups vg manufacturers do.
Thanks, but don’t look and tinyurl’s KeyHo. To many times I’ve been dumped to a page that flaggs me with a internet usage violation.
I try hard to not attract any attention to what I do all day.
Holy.
Fucking.
Forshak.
The Mighty Feklahr’s brother just sent Him an MP3.
It’s the music from the strip club in Dirty Harry.
He just came.
I actually saw this already. It was called I Am Legend. And it was good. For twelve minutes.
C-Dog, would I help if I told you it’s a link to an article at Cracked.com?
Yes, now I know I can’t go to it. Cracked is on the no-no list here in IT Nazi land.
I’ll scope it when I get home and stop kicking my dog and jacking off into my fishtank.
*finger guns, bangs Erswi*
I just got back from Super Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. I guess you could say I’m a Resident Homo.
I’m a fan of the games, the movies were standard zombie movies. Some better than others, but none deserved any Academy Awards, but then again, what zombie movie has?? Also, Romero wrote the script for the first RE movie but it was rejected (imagine that). Great script, followed the game perfect.
Also, the fact that they didn’t model this Claire Redfield after Ali Larter gets me pissed off to the highest of pisstivity.
Two words:
Ese Zombies
fuck this shit
Call me crazy, but I’d like to see zombie robots.
Something about the way they said ‘special agent’ made me think of Corkey from ‘Life Goes On’ wearing one of those blue windbreakers with FBI in giant yellow letters on it.