FEZ IS A HARDASS IN NEW CRASH MOVIE
10.21.08
Oh sheet, ése, they’re bout to throw chingasos. Ten bucks on el gato sério.
That 70′s Show’s Wilmer Valderrama stars in this brand new red-band trailer for Crash 2: Eclectic Pukaloo Days of Wrath, set in the hot simmering intense racial boiling pot gangland cauldron fart that is Los Angeles.
The plot: Some Mexicans shoot an Asian chick while stealing a black guy’s shiny car! I wonder if the whiteys will say racist things and the Jews will act neurotic and the Koreans will open grocery stores that take money out of the black community! OMG, the racial problems so complex! Can’t we all just get along?
Coming soon to a theater new you, probably owned by a greasy dego wop who grabs his balls a lot.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Huebel-gyllenhaal-carell-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bourneleagcyteaserposter-150x150.jpg)
Speaking of hot simmering intense racial boiling pot gangland cauldron farts, I need to go check my VIN number before I go visit the ATM machine.
If the movie took place on the East Coast, they’d be stealing a Chrysler 300 because it looks like a Bentley, yo.
Is “chingaso” spanish for “fuck stick”?
Wilmer looks pretty pissed, but I think Serious Cat is taller with a longer reach.
Wilmer Valderrama couldn’t queef his way out of a wet, paper thong.
“Can’t we all just get along?”
That is crazy talk.
Years of playing an effeminate lispy foreigner have really secured him a future of playing hardass roles.
Spike Lee is pissed that no black cops beat a bunch of wiggers up in a Redondo Beach Jack in the Box.
This is a role Mario Lopez would have killed for.
Dis ees “Jur Mama”.
I’ve lived in L.A. for 18 years and have never had any racial problems. My secret? Keep far, far away from the black, brown & yellow people.
What this movie needs is MORE SYMPHONY MUSIC.
Fuck I love Pez, he’s Ponch’s son right?
The only hardass Wilmer knows is clenchin’ his cheeks when he’s gettin’ pounded.
I’ve lived in L.A. all my life and yes there’s racism but as long as you don’t get pulled over, you’re fine.
What this movie needs is a gang of dwarfs, like in Time Bandits, or some wisequackin’ cartoon ducks.
Vince, the tattoo’d teardrop is a nice touch but you need to add the three dots on the other eye.
MI VIDA LOCA!
I was more frightened by Topher Grace in In Good Company.
NO! DON’T LET HIM KISS SCARLETT!
If any soundtrack says “cutting-edge” and “racially charged”, it’s a six year old Sean “Puffy” Combs record.
Tres puntas foo!
Between casting Vilmer and Taye Diggs, I think they’re going after 16 year olds with jungle fever and/or yellow fever.
…and then the Brazillians start waxing everything, and the Frech toast an English muffin then throw it at a Spanish fly and the Swiss cheese out on making German chocolate cake, and…
Wilmer Valderaama took extensive speech therapy classes before accepting the role, noting that it took weeks to properly apply and pronoucne the letter ‘o’ and the end of each word.
EX.
“Hey-o essay, check out-o my glock-o! Ariibah!”
Nuevo Up! Mang
If I were going to rape any of the dudes from That 70s Show, it’d be Fez. I know a lot of guys would probably say Kelso, but for me it’d be Fez.
During the trailer I was just waiting for Wilmer to bust out some good Yo Momma jokes, but I guess they are saving some good parts for the actual movie.
Is this an ethnic cleansing movie? I couldn’t tell
Ain’t nobody goin’ to stop my grind, yo.
Sorry Fez…you’re always going to be a douche.