Haunting in Connecticut is a horror film based on a true story about a family who, get this, moves into a new house, and, wait for it, the house is… HAUNTED! Muahahahahaha! The great thing about the trailer is all the really loud screeching noises that let you know when something scary happens. Hey assholes, I’d jump a lot during Finding Nemo if someone sat behind me shooting off an airhorn next to my head every five seconds – that doesn’t make it scary.
If they really wanted to make a scary movie about Connecticut, they should make it about the silent C. OMG, what’s it doing there!
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Vilance, I think everybody else took their toys and went home. I don’t miss the dudes so much, but I might want to play with some of the Drunkettes’ toys.
The scariest part about a haunting in Connecticut is that there aren’t any black people there to kill off first.
My own farts scare me more than this shit.
I don’t know much about New England, but the little I do know tells me that the ghosts will be pretentious assholes.
If they really wanted to make a scary movie about Connecticut, they should make it about… Downtown Bridgeport at 3:30 AM on a Friday night. Or Greenwich at any time…not sure which is more frightening.
I think I’ve seen this movie before. Yeah, now I remember, it was when I was in middle school and we had to watch this sex ed. video, god it was disgusting.
The son fell asleep and the ghosts wrote all over him. Next time don’t move into a haunted frat house.
I live in Connecticut, and I remember this story when it was in the press. The neighbors did all that shit to the house to make them think it was haunted and move because they heard the mother was an octaroon.
Even though this is a blantant rip-off Amityville Horror and The Shining, at least it doesn’t have any zombies. It almost feels refreshingly original in contrast.
This plot is as fresh as a movie about the living dead! What do they call those again?
If you thought that was scary, you should have seen it when their real estate tax bill arrived.
I think the scariest thing that happens in Connecticut is when Martha Stewart makes her cheesecloth ghosts for Halloween.
“Fiddlesticks, Muffy. I moved our family to Connecticut because it was less spooky.”
Don’t care. They may may as well be stinky Canadians.
They really need to catch the hint.
I’ve already lived down the street from a haunted house three times. Scarier was watching Godfather 3 in a theater in NYC where someone got shot in our showing.
Tengo too bad it wasn’t Sofia Coppola
*looks up octoroon*
Daddy got a new epithet.
This is what they get for moving into Newman’s Own Haunted House
The family learns to live with the haunting when they discover the weird-speaking ghost only shows up for 2 hours, 3 times a week and leaves the place cleaner than before.
“Muffy?”
“Yes Preston?”
“Were you just touching my penis?”
“No, of course not.”
“Hmmm. I didn’t think so. I think the house is haunted.”
“Ok. good night dear.”
“Yes, good night.”
* notes correct spelling *
Oddly enough MS Spellcheck doesn’t like either version.
Yeah, I didn’t see any zombies or blood-oozing walls either.
Bristol, Connecticut, is rumored to be haunted by a spook with a lazy eye.
So is Tiny Lister’s house.
Damn Stinky! I haven’t heard that term since I was a kid.
Dakota the truck drivin’ tranny says her house is haunted. I told her the children probably go running screaming from her house on Halloween for other reasons…
Scary would be a close up of Sophia Coppola doing a monologue, talking out the side of her mouth. I don’t think they even need that chilling chalkboard nails scary movie sound.
OMG! MOLDY FRUIT! AXES! CREEPY SHADOWS! A SHOWER SCENE! SEANCES! AN EXORCIST! I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!
The Secret Life of Bees banner appearing at the top really makes me wanna refresh the page again. My life is now complete.
In the real-life story, the kids were named Abigail and Brandon. In the film they will be renamed Plessy and Furgeson.
TELL ‘EM LARGE MARGE SENT YA!
I’m serving up your Yankee racism old school today – just the way your mother likes it.
Joe the Plumber doesn’t have a plumbing license. That’s fucking rich (and therefore will be taxed by Obama).
Bruns-Pauly’s bong?
J-having been in New England, I can attest that the only real insufferable douches are the Red Sox/Patriots/Celtics fans that feel entitled and let down that the Bruins stink (which is still like 75%+ of the population…).
Stinky-that. is. fucking. great. We should have a contest for a preferred definition so He can add it to the Drunxicon.
FIRE!
Lance told me I’ve been slacking on my commenting duties, so I’m here to spam the shit out of this thing. What the hell’s the topic at hand?
Whoops, I mean Vince. Sorry Vince, ole’ buddy, ole’ pal.
Bingo, bango. There’s two comments already! Make it three!
BS! Just in time. Octaroon…GO!
Tengo, Was bored and googled…
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C0CE5D8173DF932A05751C1A966958260
That it? I lived on LI at the time.., Sgt Cocks!
Fek – A jigger in the woodpile!
If for every time I saw a trailer, for a crappy haunted house movie, someone gave me a small child from a 3rd world country I’d be Angelina Jolie.
Seriously, is there something wrong about watching teenage boys in their bed? Is it creepy?
It would have been creepier if the kids had been mysteriously transported back in time to medieval England and end up in King Arthur’s court.
*ended
Shouldn’t that be octocoon?
(picture Crapta’s avatar here) <—- just found out his great-grandfather was black.
I want to get me some octopoon.
Like James Bond?
Dor sho gha!
Octaroon-Steve Martin in “The Jerk”
ROFLKOTAL!
<== My grandfather was black!?!
^for inkypee
*files “octoroon” with “forshak” and “durst” in mental database of words I learned from FilmDrunk that aren’t as funny in the real world*
Donk, are you qovlpathing kidding Him, yIntagh? Dor sho gha!
Fek… I’ve actually learned that saying “Durst” in social settings does work pretty well; everybody just kinda shuts up and looks at you funny.
Guy’cha!
I have all of the impressionable neighborhood/family kids saying Qaplah! and Dor Sho Gah!
Qaplah!
I made Gah Durchfal in my undies last night. Fucked up my last pair of skidmarkless unmentionables.
I told you guys about how the other day when I server crashed at work I audibly yelled, “UPROXXXXXX!!!!!!!!”, right?
I also say “pawned!” and “rock-zer”…and “COWABUNGA!”
And…
NIAGRA FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS!
You know what they say, right?
Once you go octoroon, you’ll be coming back for more, soon.
Octopoon? Reminds me of Carlin’s “Octopus: and eight-sided vagina.”
minus the d that snuck in there after the an, of course. Ugh.
Fek, I have to come clean. I was working alone the other day, and fucked something up. I actually said Dor Sho Gha. I looked like a damn bobble head for about a minute while I made sure no one else was around.
*shakes head again*
Back on topic, Bowie’s Space Oddity video is scarier than this trailer. I’m serious. Go watch it again.
<=== still can’t change avi, speaking of Uproxx(xxx!).
I saw Wicker Man on HBO last weekend, and laughed and laughed and laughed. It was so fucking awesomely bad. I have been recommending it to people as a comedy. I just tell them, “Nic Cage, in a bear suit, punching a bitch out. Netflix it now.”
Change? I can’t even upload an avi, dammit!
Mental note: watch “Space Oddity”.
Mental note: C Flat.
Creepy kids and haunted houses actually give Him a rather…”not so fresh feeling”, Lince.
What He is saying is this movie stinks like cunt.
Donk-that’s strange, the fart I just ripped was a C-Flatter!
I’m somehow psychically connected to your asshole, Fek?!
Dor Sho Gha!
Mental note: “Physically” and “Psychically” look very similar when typed.
Not to Olivia Newton John they don’t. Yeah, I dug it up. Wanna fight about it?
The forshak, is a little ol’ place were/
kotals get togetheeeeerrrrr!
Forshak baaaayyybeeeeeee!
Where da Left Coast Playah’s at?!?
Where’d all you fuckers come from all of a sudden? I’d given up on this shit for the day. Figured you’d all been UPROXXXXXXXXED!!!!1!!!ONE!!
*peeks out from under tablecloth*
tee hee!
“!!!ONE!!”
HA!
{covers keyHo back up with tablecloth}
ooooOOOOOooooo!!
I’m gonna go haunt the fuck outta some Connecticut honkeys.
<=== Diremutt’s O-face, just blacker
You guys seriously didn’t know octoroon already?
Unfortunately there isn’t a cool term for me: I could qualify for free schooling at Haskell Indian Nations University in Kansas, but I would be termed white under the revised version of the State of Virginia’s One Drop Rule, and I would be termed “kinda creepy” by the people who live on my street, and I would qualify for free newspapers by taking them from their fucking porch.
boPan, usually the term for somebody who qualifies for free schooling at a university in Lawrence, Kansas is “Basketball Player”.
Jeeves just informed me that the proper term for my kind is “Tonto Six Pack”.
Gimme back mah newspaper ya fahkin awshole!
WOW, we really like to beat a post to death…. next time I suggest stoneing its so much more fun.
Robo, in honor of the proud tradition of calling American Indians “redmen”, I hereby decree you to be an “octomaroon.”
Whackety schmackety woowoowoowoowoo!
What’s this “we” shit white woman?!
I beat a post like I beat my dick, ’till it throws up white shit and shrivels and I start gently weeping.
And I don’t see no fuckin’ white shit!!
/to the Rocky theme
Da da dadada
da dada da
DURST!
da da dadada
da dada da
DURST!
Check this out guys! I ate a whole tube full of caulk!
*drops pants, sweat pours from donkey’s forehead and veins pop out of his neck as he strains to produce one long, bright white turn on the floor*
TADAAAA!
You had your tube full of caulk! BURN!
{Crappy laughs himself into a fit at his own wittiness, vomits out nose}