You’ll be kicking yourself if you didn’t bring your A game last week, because I’ve got a sweet prize to give away. I don’t tell you about these things ahead of time because I don’t want to give you any excuse not to give 111,000% every day. Now, LET’S GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME ASS!!! **heterosexual ass pats all around**
This week’s winner gets the three-disc special edition DVD of The Incredible Hulk, a movie AICN calls “Every bit as good as Iron Man,” proving AICN’s reviewer smokes rock and/or pole (you can read my review of the film here). The DVD (and blu-ray disc) hits shelves October 21st. It includes an alternate opening in which the Hulk plays in the snow (and supposedly a brief glimpse of Captain America), a digital copy of the film so you can watch it on your portable ass shit, and all sorts of commentary so you know what motherf-ckas were thinking when they made it. Two hours of bonus features in all. It will make. The shit. Fall out. Of your ass.
So who won it? Find out after the jump, dumbshit.
It wasn’t Robopanda, though this was pretty funny:
[From the George Lucas Determined to Suck in US thread] “George is in think mode right now.” Think Mode is what happens right after Cheeseburger Mode and just before Thinking About Having Another Cheeseburger Mode.
And it wasn’t John Wayne in a Devo Hat, because even though it was hilarious, it was kind of off topic:
[From the Another Conspiracy Thing post] How about that Presidential Debate last night? Was that wild or what? I mean, the last time I saw a Vietnam Vet & a black guy go at it like that they were fighting over a french fry in the garbage at a Mc Donalds parking lot in Santa Monica.
Nor was it The Kurgan even though this one had an understated charm:
[From the David Zucker Conpiracy thread] It probably would have been a better movie if the fat guy had taken a bite out of the camera thinking it was really the sandwich he had on the other shoulder.
Ditto Michelle07, Donkey Hodey, and Stone Soup
[From the Nick Nolte's House Burns Down thread] Michelle07 says, “He so f-cking pissed at that Drew Barrymore now. He swears he saw her sitting in a car looking hard at his house.”
[From the Bond Girl is a Pterodactyl thread] Stone Soup says, “Gemma Arterton is tired of Shia Lebouf calling her to ask if she’s got any extra fingers laying around.”
[From The Hills vs. Charlize Theron thread] Donkey Hodey says, “The Hills’ target audience is the same as my target audience now that my new scope has arrived.”
[From the Green Lantern thread] Donkey Hodey says, “I also have a green power ring. I think that means that I’m not stressed out.”
[From the Twilight thread] Donkey Hodey says, “Last time I tried impressing a chick with a trick that involved kicking fruits, the words “hate crime” got thrown about.”
It wasn’t Token Black Guy, even though he was at one point an early favorite:
[From the 50 Cent Directs thread] Token Black Guy says, “This movie’s getting watched 9 times.”
And it wasn’t any of these funny bastards from the Ultimate Gun Rape thread:
Stone Soup says, “What do you mean bro you!?!?!”
Naitch says, “It wasn’t actually rape, he was just practicing his half guard.”
Naitch says, “He’s a ground and pound rapist.”
nezzer says, “You haven’t really been raped until you’ve been raped by an Ultimate Fighter.”
ChinoMoreno says, “I would love to see Sodomy in concert.”
nezzer says, “Considering he lost in the first round of every fight he has ever been in I think he’ll be putting on a lot of “sodomy in concert” shows in prison.”
madman says, “A half hour after I joke about an asian gun rapist, I feel like doing it again.”
Hell it wasn’t even Burnsy, who clearly took funny pills last week:
[From the Spooky Dan Interviews Corey Haim thread] Burnsy says, “SpookyDan’s resume is printed on a photo of his parents crying.”
[From Max Payne] Hey retarded FOX, what’s up? Tell your mother I said hello.
[Same thread] Hey Wahlberg Cat, how you doing? I like your fur, what’s up with that?
[From Paris Hilton/Martin Sheen] I’m not Ultra-Republican, I’m… Hold on, there’s a f-cking black kid on my street again.
[From This. Is. New Orleans] In his defense, Drew Brees followed it up by yelling, “And THIS. IS. A FOOTBALL! AND THIS. IS. ME THROWING!”
Phew. I’m really tired of this. Bottom line, the winner is… Pauly Dangerously, for this gem from the Ultimate Gun Rape thread:
This is my rifle, this is my gun
This one’s for raping and this one’s for rape
He should probably have to wrestle Burnsy for it, but I had to go with the one that made me laugh the hardest, and it’s hard to compete with something that makes me picture a fat guy singing. About rape. Anyway, nominate your favorites for this week in the comments section as always.



Pauly and I should have a purpose when we wrestle?
*sprays baby oil on the bed*
OK, for the DVD then?
Last time I wrestled Burnsy, it was made into a DVD.
I like the suspense-filled list order, Vinnie. It gives that nice sense of false-hope I’m so accustomed to. (and thanks for finding my “Bro” comment…)
4682 Fek’s comment may not be winner worthy, but for the old dogs that run here, it’s like a warm blanket of yesteryear.
Watch out, Marky, good vibrations can cause serious leg burns! Dor sho gha!
Wait, did Vince just call me fat?
PD-The Mighty One thinks Lince referred to Private Pile.
JHC-it was warm, all right!
4647 WOOF
The Kurgan says:
I bet that cutie likes peanut butter…
4658
Donkey Hodey says:
Robert Downey Jr. looks like the kind of Sherlock Holmes who goes around solving crimes that he doesn’t remember committing.
4658
Eibz
I wasnt aware that The 7% Solution was a blend at Starbucks
4702
Burnsy Burgles my Turd with:
“I call the brown one Condee.”
4702 Diremutt drops this floater in the bowl –
I think that W’s lack of underwear is due to him sharting and having to cut his undies off with scissors so he didn’t smear shit all down his leg.
4702 Burnsy with the blogging equivalent of a stubborn shitstain
Bush tried to write his own screenplay about Oliver Stone, but he kept drawing the O backwards.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Burnsey drops a heaping pile of brilliance on my chest:
W’s favorite sexual act is the Cleveland Stammer.
4708 – Rotty (I love you, man):
All of my mail is addressed to “Resident Evil.” Fucking neighborhood watch.
I’m nom-whoring for Burnsy again 4708 –
One time for Valentine’s Day I made my girlfriend a personalized Choose Your Own Adventure book. Every page said “Road head or walk home?”
^^Second Burnsy in 4708. Did you know that comment will get you hit every time?
4708 – Jacktion! missed his oppourtunity to hyperlink to InstantRimshot with this gem –
There’s this bug (about 1/4 inch long)that lives in my apartment.
Talk about your resident weevil.
Stinky Peet in 4653 (JCVD) Alternate title: Being John Smack-a-bitch.
Good, that.
4727
Dr. Steve Brule says:
I saw Ghost Rider. But I also produce homemade Dare Devil biopics that are just me talking in the dark about things I think I hear.
I second the good Doctor in 4727.
4731
GenePoolParty says:
Banner pic: Donner and Blitzen.
4747
nezzer says:
I think they should fight after Hulk tells the Avengers he can smash Russia from his house.
4752
witty nickname
“Place the heart sticker over what is clearly missing by whomever sees this movie.”
4752 (The Mighty One had mixed feelings on nommin ghtis, but such a thing of beauty must be beheld)
JHC says:
If pussy was compared to rodeo events, Midwest snatch is steer wrestling, east coast snizz is barrel racing, left coast cooch is calf roping, southern poon is saddle bronc, and Kentucky gash is the cart that hauls all the manure away.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
The Wind
Hulk goes on a rampage because despite growing 10 times the size of Bruce Banner, the crotch of his pants never gets any roomier. What the fuck is that zipper made out of, adamantium?
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Rotty2Hotty wins the British Lottery with:
“This is Nassim. For only ninety-nine cents a day you can feed him and his monkey. For a few thousand dollars more you can also help him recover twelve million dollars from an offshore bank.”
Burnsy on 4771 clatifies why I thought that guy looked so familiar:
Maybe instead of criticizing this photo they should help get Bill Bellamy back on his feet.
4778 Boo. Ya.
RoboPanda says:
Seriously, try to think of a situation in which former child actors are preferable to puppets.
Target practice
I second Robo
4778
Stinky Peet says:
I want the puppets to stage a rally for equal rights called the Million Hand March, and they all carry signs with slogans like Give a Hand Up Not a Hand Out! and Equal Rights, No Strings Attached!
BTW, if my nerd boner lasts more than four hours, do I call a doctor or the local cable news network?
4778
Burnsy-
The blue guy is Keith Olberman. I can tell because he’s mouthing, “Fuck Republicans” at me.
4778 Rotty got me again with:
Solving the Happytown murders would be much easier if the puppets didn’t come in so many different colors.
Seconding the rotwangchung “many different colors” comment above. He puts the “silly” in “racially profiling”.
4799
ChinoMoreno says:
That lady has Serious Cat scratch fever.
4799
Stone Soup says:
Gemma Arterton thinks this clip is missing something, but she can’t quite put her finger on it.
4788, because Eibz nearly made ME do a spit-take quoting The Great Thumb himself:
Actually, my favorite sex quote is
“Dammit, Burnsy, I almost did a spit take”
4788
The Kurgan says:
Grandma, what big teeth you have!
(now if you don’t get why that is funny, you don’t fucking belong here)
4795 Peet
Also – you know you’re a real atheist when you spell your name “preest”.
They only went with that because the MPAA objected to their first choice, “Poop Beenadick.”
Seconding Robo and Rotty from 4778
4804
Jacktion! says:
I don’t know what you guys are so worked up about.
I’m all about nailing chicks who look like Iggy Pop.
4791
Burnsy says:
Mexicans would make awesome vampires because they sleep all day anyway.
Yo segundo Burnsy en 4791
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
MaxwellDemon says:
Sarah Palin can see that movie from her house.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Jacktion! says:
*Jacktion! flies past in a biplane, laughing maniacally*
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Donkey Hodey says:
I’m going to buy the DVD of this movie and cast its case as the good guy against the case of the Being John Malkovich DVD’s bad guy. The plot twist comes when they realize that they’re both fighting over Erin Brockovich and decide to say “fuck it” and team up against Aliens Vs. Predator.
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Eibmoz says:
“so you see, Holmes, a man was found passed out in this very bed, but did not live here. Curious”
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
bryce says:
That African kid will get it. He’ll sit around all day enthralling the village with his tales . . .
“When oie was livin’ wiff tha old Witch loidy in Ole Londahn Town, Jason Fahkin Stratham came round our gaff most days for tea . . .”
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Donkey makes a stop at the corner of Funny and True with…
You know, if you’re going to shelter your kids, a bus stop doesn’t seem like the right place to do it.
How the fuck is this not on here?
jokerswild says:
If the case being made is that the word porno would damage children why don’t we resort to the age old axioms handed down by our parents?
Zach and Miri Hug in a Very Special Way
Zach and Miri Love Each Other Very Much
Zach and Miri Bone Like Nympho Freaks Let Loose From The Asylum. You Know, It’s Kinda Like His Dick is On Fire and Her Snatch is The Only Working Hydrant in Town
* that last one was one of my dad’s faves
JHC on 4820 (Lefty Rosenthal):
Ironically, his bosses were considered to be the greatest handicappers of people, too.
Simple yet effective (so Mac users can understand):
The Merovingian says:
and I thought my life was fantastic.
sry, 4825 /\
In 4845, madman goes against my love of palmfuls with:
“for her next trick, she should grow a pair of tits.”
(But only if he gets an av.)
4832
nominus says:
During the interview, just before his suicide, Herve stated that “I’m not happy”, to which Sasha replied “Oh yeah, then which one ARE you?”. Courts have nonetheless ruled that Sasha was in no way responsible for the cultural icon’s suicide.
Second Nom in 4832. If you don’t get it, you suck.
Wow. Nominus gets a big third.
FOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!
*fourth on Nominus’ Happy talk
4832 Duke in a Petunia Planter says – \
I predict the Herve Villachaize film gets nominated for “Best Foreign Short Subject”.
4852 (Movie Execs overheard talking about things everybody knows)
Pauly Dangerously erodes the tissue between my nostrils:
Exec 1: Iron Man was good, but you know what would make it better?
Exec 2: COCIAAAAAAANE!!?!?
[filmdrunk.uproxx.com]
Fuck you, Chodin.
chodin says:
Exec 1: Hey, so those Tyler Perry movies are pretty good, right?
Exec 2: I hope your kids fucking die, Derrick.
4879 (Palin on SNL)
Burnsy continues this week’s dominance:
To Joe Biden, SNL is just another four letter word.
In 4879 (Palin on SNL), Fek pays tribute to Michael Dorn with:
The Mighty Feklahr asked Sarah Palin if she had a little Klingon in her, and she said, “No.”, so He stuck His Worf action figure up her ass.
4879 – I have no idea what Burnsy is on, but his racisim can only be described as “delightful.”
I have an awesome idea for a SNL sketch:
Kenan Thompson is escorted from Rockefeller Plaza by security.
I fucking swear this isn’t a reacharound nom!
4888
Burnsy says:
Brett Ratner’s Conan will be played by Joanie Laurer.
Burnsy, 4888:
Ratner plans to bring Arnold back for Conan the Octogenarian.
4896
Mark It Zero says:
Pictured: El Hole de Glorio
4896
Pauly Dangerously makes my doughy nuts shiny with:
All Mexican doughnuts are glazy.
Donk in 4899 (Lince blows Obama) steals my vote with:
So he admits that he can’t constitutionally run for president!
4905 (Space Clerks) [Lince, this is another Trekkie one you will just have to trust me on. I will try to get my other Trek nerds to verify.]
Stinky Peet says:
Darmok and Jalad Make a Porno
Second Stinky Peet in 4905
4920 Burnsy
Hitler’s MySpace name was ~*WutJewGunDo*~ReIcHx3_n1GG@wut.
Second Burnsy’s myspace. I think it’s the Third Reich pimp hand that really ties the whole fucking room together.
4920 Satan’s Taint and JoeHannahMontana combine with:
We are Mexicans and we are put on this earth for one thing, and that one thing is stealing jobs and doing your laundry and driving down property values.
I believe thats three things.
Stupid and funny.
4872 this made me snort:
Thank you guys so much for adding to my list stuff that I can no longer enjoy due to stupid sexual associations:
- trombones
- tossed salads
- glass bottomed boats
- Mexicans
Oh yeah, that was Beek ^^
4920 Burnsy
Hitler’s MySpace name was ~*WutJewGunDo*~ReIcHx3_n1GG@wut.
He puts the “funny” in my “bone”