#1 THREAT TO AMERICA: CHILD ACTORS
10.21.08
For years I’ve spread word that child actors are the scourge of this great nation. Meanwhile, politicians have done nothing but molest interns and smoke crack with hookers. Maybe this will finally get their attention:
Skylar Deleon, 29, who had a bit part in an episode “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers”, faces the death penalty after being convicted of three counts of murder at a trial in Santa Ana. [Moral of the story: Never name your kid ‘Skylar’. –Ed.]
Deleon was accused of killing retirees Tom and Jackie Hawks in 2004 in order to steal their $500,000 boat and life savings. He was also accused of killing another man in 2003 in a separate incident.
…once out at sea, the three men overpowered the couple, handcuffing them and covering their eyes and mouths with duct tape before forcing them to sign and fingerprint title transfer documents for the yacht.
Machain, who testified for the prosecution, told how the terrified couple were then tied to the boat’s anchor and lowered into the sea. [Source]
And might I add, Danny Bonaduce. But wait, it gets worse! A couple months ago, the guy tried to sever his own penis:
Skylar Deleon, 29, somehow got a razor and “tried to saw off his penis” while in his cell on March 13, said Damon Micalizzi of the Orange County Sheriff’s Department.
“He was unsuccessful,” Micalizzi said. “As I understand it, there was a lot of blood.”
Micalizzi said he did not know if Deleon stopped the effort himself because he could not carry it out to conclusion, or was interrupted by a guard.
Deleon was taken to a hospital, his penis was re-attached, and he was back in his cell the next day, Micalizzi said. [Source - Thanks, Robo]
Asked what possessed him to carry out such a plan, Deleon said, “I guess I was just jealous of Zac Efron’s success.”
Whackity schmackity dooooo…

But…he had such promising little teeth.
Big whoop, I try to yank my dick off three times a day but the little guy just keeps winning.
Being the braintrust that he seems to be, I’m sure he thought that if he cut of his dangle, Bubba and LeRoy would find him unattractive and subsequently stop butt-fucking him. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. Perhaps cauterizing your anus shut will work? Until you have to poop, I suppose. Tough choice…
How exactly was it unsuccessful if he had to have his penis reattached?
I’d like to see a puppet do this, Lince.
Maybe he thought to do that whole puppetry of the penis show you had to put your hand in it.
get out of my heeeead
It puts the penis in the basket, it does this whenever it’s told, it puts the penis in the basket or else it gets bungholed again..yes it does precious, it gets bungholed
Lonce, are you auditioning for Colbert Report today?
He was trying to sever his own penis because he could remember back to the days of The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers when they used to get wise guidance from Zordon, a disembodied head.
An anchor? Woooow…The Mighty Feklahr is impressed!
*starts drawing up plans to drop Statue Of Liberty on Osama Bin Laden*
Oh Boo HOO. Why is everybody so caring about these people. They had a $500,000 yacht people! Gee, the rich have it so bad, don’t they?
My penis tells me to do evil things, so I try to chop it off everyday. Turns out a man’s butthole isn’t as sharp as I’d thought.
I want my money back. Snorg told me the #1 threat was bears.
I at least hope he had the good sense to cackle maniacally as he murdered them in true supervillain style.
Skylar figured if Shia was willing to sacrifice a finger for fame…
Can The Mighty One get a quick verification: Was that a hint of toe on Faith Hill over there?
What, no sharks with laser beams?
Please tell me Tom Hawks’ middle initial was A.
And the guy in charge of the anchor was named Machain?
Vince, are you yankin’ machain?
Skylar, huh? So that’s what old Ponce is calling himself nowadays… Let’s hope he gets the death penalty; if they just sentence him to life, he’s gonna be in jail a long time.
He tried to shoot them, but he was an Aimless DeLeon.
Lonce, are you auditioning for Colbert Report today?
Well if I’m gonna steal, it ain’t gonna be from Mencia.
I know. Deep breaths.
What a cheerful day of posts. What’s next, a story about how the crew on the Sherlock Holmes movie cleared a barn full of feral kittens with butane torches?
This just in – Skylar now officially the gayest pirate name ever.
In a perfect world, the day would have started off with the saddest news of all.
*winks at Rudy Ray Moore portrait on office desk*
He was just redistributing the wealth. His defense – they were Republicans. He might serve 8 years 2 with good behavior.
“Be toe or not be toe?”
Go go severed penis…
No be toe.
Fek, I think that picture hints at toe to the same extent that any crotch shot devoid of phallic bulge hints at toe.
Keep that in mind next time you look at a picture of Superman. Or Michael Phelps in a Speedo ad.
The severing of the penis was simply a pubicity stunt.
It’s Morphin’ Time!
C’mon, idiot, you’re not a Power Ranger. What are you going to morph into?
A woman!
ZORDON: Rita Repulsa has just landed in Angel Grove!
KIMBERLY: What are we gonna do?
SKLYER DELEON: We could just tie Rita to an anchor.
ZORDON:…excuse me?
SKYLER DELEON: You heard me. Tie that bitch to an anchor, and throw that fucker into the ocean.
ZACK: That’s not really how we handle-
SKYLER DELEON: C’mon! You know that things just gonna grow 50 feet tall in a few minutes. Unless we get my anchor plan going right fuckin’ now!
TOMMY: I told you guys we need to do some sort of background check before handing over the keys to a giant robot dinosaur.
SKYLER DELEON: Fuck it. Do it your way. But one day I’ll show you all how it’s done.
In a perfect world, the day would have started off with the saddest news of all.
*winks at Rudy Ray Moore portrait on office desk*
I was saving that for when both coasts are awake.
Wow…words fail me here. I mean…how many levels of sink can this guy do?
BTW, was this the one with the talking guinea pig or the talking penis? I’m confused..and apparently so was Skyler.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Danny Bonaduche?
A: You gonna eat that?
And by Danny Bonaduche, I mean this kid from Power Rangers.
He should have picked something else if he was going to try a dry run at cutting through the prison bars.
He play joke, he put his pee pee in your coke.
Wow, Angel Grove is a real shithole nowadays.
I wish chelle was my future mommy. Can you imagine how fucking awesome it would be?
Coming up later on Donk & J in the morning: Oedipus Complexes, not just for biological mothers anymore?
I had the oedipus once, but luckily it was the simplex.
New Up!
Skylar is a great name if you want your daughter to grow up to work on the main stage where all the hookers smell like day old Little Debbie snacks.