Howdy, folks, Nolte here again.  It’s been a busy week but now it’s time to relax.  Personally, when I unwind I like to make myself a nice bourbon-flavored martini, tremored not stirred, garnished with a little gravel, and then find myself a clean floor to pass out on.  Anyhow, here are some of the stories that were grindin my guts this week:

Bond Makes $79 Million in Product Placement
Bond hawkin Fords, I never thought I’d see it.  Though I lost my virginity on the engine block of a Model T.  Brings back memories.  Miss that good ol’ leaded gasoline.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood, Prince
I like them magic stories.  Reminds me a my 6th wife, Conchita, witch doctor I met in Guadalajara.  Whittled her a ring out of a rattle snake back in ’74.

Joaquin Phoenix Retires From Acting
Sounds like he ain’t retired from railin’ percocets, I’ll tell ya that.

Princess Leia Pillow Fight
Heh, looks like my kinda party.  Still, it ain’t a proper Princess Leia pillow fight till you glue razor blades to their forelegs.
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Here’s what’s coming out this weekend to help you nurse your hangover or the pain of not going out on Halloween.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
I hope to see this for no better reason than to spite this A-hole who banned it.  In general, there are rarely better reasons than spite, I find.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley
Oh boy, a horror movie in time for Halloween.  Chace Crawford is in it.  I don’t really know who that is, but not only is his name Chase, he spells it creatively.  My fist likes him.

The Changeling
I want my son back!  I want MY son back!  He’s the Cambodian playing Skee Ball with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers!

RocknRolla
Hope you’ve read my review of this one since I posted it twice.  I swear to God I’ll cry.  Conclusion: needs more Statham.

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father
A documentary filmmaker’s ode to his murdered best friend’s infant son, who was… well, let’s just say it’s the most insanely depressing sounding movie synopsis I’ve ever heard.  More of a tearjerker than a dickjerker, let’s put it that way.

RocknRolla expands into wide release today.  Below is my original review from a few weeks ago.

This is a review.  Reviews are longer than normal FilmDrunk posts because they bought pills off the internet.

Lock, Stock and a Revolving Snatch

Like the AC/DC of filmmaking, Guy Ritchie’s talent and his curse is the ability write the same thing slightly differently a hundred times.  That’s why RocknRolla can be better than 95% of the alternatives and still feel like something you’ve already seen.

Tom Wilkinson plays the old Ritchie standby, the wise but sadistic gangster who dispenses life lessons while torturing dudes and drinking tea.  Like Bricktop in Snatch, who enjoyed feeding his rivals to pigs, Wilkinson’s Lenny Cole favors dunking them in a crayfish-infested section of the Thames (Really?  Of all the nasty slimy disgusting invertebrates out there, the most intimidating thing you can think of is the edible mini lobster?). Cole also shares with Bricktop an affinity for grabbing guys by the balls as a negotiating tactic (Get it?  It’s like the opposite of a metaphor).

Wilkinson is mixed up in a complicated real estate deal with a Russian mobster, a gang of vaguely criminalish local toughs led by Gerard Butler, a young lawyer involved in a city zoning plan, and a rogue accountant played by the creepily lizard-like Thandie Newton.  Without getting into too much detail, the basic premise is that the Russian loans Cole his lucky painting (which we never actually see  – briefcase in Pulp Fiction much?), which is then promptly stolen by Cole’s Pete Doherty-esque junkie rockstar stepson who has recently faked his own death. The accountant falls for the thug and starts tipping him off to the time and locations of  her boss the Russian’s large-scale cash withdrawals, money with which the Russian intends to bribe Wilkinson, which Butler’s gang steals, but which ends up going to Cole anyway, since Butler’s guys only stole it from the Russian because they owed Cole money in the first place (though we’re never really clear on why).  You catch all that?  It doesn’t really matter.

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Friday Free for All is that time of the week when I post whatever fun video I feel like.  It’s supposed to be less work but rarely works out that way.  Email your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com.

Quite a few Friday Free for All clips today, so I might as well just give them all to you in one go. First, in honor of the election, “I’m Gay for America”, from The Whitest Kids You Know. Thanks to Burnsy for that one. Read the rest of this entry »

Ha, just kidding, it wasn’t Halloween.  That’s just how Weston Coppola dresses.  He’s in a band called “Eyes of Noctum,” you see.  Also, can anyone tell what Nic Cage’s wedding ring is made out of?  I think it might be bear tooth.

[via Bestweekever & Hollywoodupclose]