09.08.08 ZOMBIES NEVER SEEMED GAYER

Emo zombies are the fucking worst. Even when they cut themselves, they still feel nothing.

The only way that this could get more gay is if Chodin were in it. With Vince. Naked. And sweaty.

Damn, why am I turned on now?

The only music player that emo zombies like to hold all their cry-rock anthems? iPod Shuffle, of course.

Emo zombies cry pustulent discharge when they listen to The Cult.

The five most common words in emo zombie poetry:

1. death
2. emptiness
3. sorrow
4. nihilism
5. braaaaaaaaiiins

If you’re going to give your movie two names, why not just add a third? Might I suggest “This Fucking Sucks”?

an emo zombie with an eating disorder

So is he brainorexic or skullemic?

Bruce La Bruce keeps saying it’s an honest mistake when he keeps referring to his own movie as Otto; or, Up In Dead People

This movie is gayer than a day full of RoboPanda posts.

I think a three on the Homograph scale is colloquially referred to as a Brady Quinn.

Emo zombies constantly cry about what’s the point of going on non-living.

That’s not even gay. That’s a whole new echelon of gay.

The one good thing about being an emo zombie? You save a fortune on make-up.

Okay we’ve now exceeded our recommended daily dosage of gay. How about the trailer for the new Megan Fox movie? I know Dunst and the short english fellow are in it, but come on!

You’d never catch an emo zombie alive going along with the crowd and dancing to ‘Thriller’.

I thought the zombie as social metaphor had been done to death, and gay zombies would have been more prescient when that AIDS business was all the rage. Is AIDS still going strong? Don’t hear too much about it nowadays. They were trying to relaunch it in Africa a few years ago…

key Ho,
Even with Vincent Price doing the voiceover?

erswi, Is hurricane Ike really about to go all Tina Turner on your asses?

Up, Up with zombies. You meet them wherever you go. Up, Up with zombies. They’re the best kind of folks we know. If more zombies were for zombies, all zombies everywhere, there’d be a lot less zombies to worry about, and a lot more zombies who care. There’d be a lot less zombies to worry about, and a lot more zombies who care.

You never go full Efron.

Gay zombies always enjoy a little tossed salad before moving on to the main course.

If Fall Out Boy doesn’t do the soundtrack, I still won’t give a fuck about this film.

In gay zombies, the bones which steady the wrists always seem to decay faster than the rest of the body.

“This movie is gayer than a day full of RoboPanda posts.”

Hoo boy that’s gay.

And, yeah, I didn’t intend to have every third story involving Zac Efron or something. That’s just the recent news I had to work with.

gay zombies mock your clothing style before eating your brains

gay zombies suck your brains out of a straw… thats coming out of your asshole

It’s not so much the eating your brains thing that’s so bad about being killed by gay zombies, it’s the part about listening to them make snarky comments about how your brain tastes and what that says about you.

the cool thing about a gay zombie invasion is that once they crawl out of their graves they inmediatelly go to the shopping centers to upgrade their wardrobe so really only have to worry about the hipster-retro-gay-zombies as you try to escape, but they’re too busy posing for facebook and lastnightsparty pics, so even then you can still make a run for it

What does Eibmoz think of this post?

I hope she doesn’t go all EibmozyaG on us.

Queer eye for the late guy?

The worst part of a gay zombie invasion is Pete Wentz. On the other hand, we’d finally get to see The Village People reunite, so there’s that.

::: hand pops up from freshly filled grave, a figure crawls out of the earth :::

“Okay, who picked out this suit?! Seriously, guys, I would not be caught dead in navy blue! I’m supposed to be shambling, not looking like a shambles. I wonder if there’s an Abercrombie nearby…”

I think that would be Aberzombie.

I don’t think there’s too much to worry about though, since gay zombies wouldn’t be able to take the cocks out of their mouths long enough to attack the living.

My Gay Zombie Invasion Handbook just skyrocketed to #1,050,834,085 on Amazon.com best-seller list. I’m Rich Bitch!

Eat all the brains you want, but leave my asshole alone.

Homosexual zombies still can’t bring themselves to eat pussy, but they will totally fuck an open wound. Why am I thinking of grandma?