The Times Online reports that Tobey Maguire has signed a deal expected to be worth $50 million to shoot Spider-Man 4 and 5 back to back over six months next year. Maguire only agreed after he was granted mornings and evenings off as “family time” to spend with his daughter “Ruby Sweetheart” (sorry for the quotes, it’s just a lame name). Meanwhile, Steve McQueen’s widow basically called Maguire a pussy.
Some critics have mocked the current generation of Hollywood actors as “boy-men”. Steve McQueen’s widow Barbara said she could not imagine him asking for “family time” when making The Great Escape. Like McQueen, Maguire came from a troubled background. He planned to be a chef until his mother, an aspiring scriptwriter, gave him $100 to take acting rather than cooking lessons to make sure he “got to know the world”. It worked.
Hmm, I’m not sure wanting to spend time with your daughter makes you a pussy, but I know a crew full of people half-assing it for the money and a star who only works during the middle of the day will no doubt make for a really good movie. Spider-Man 5: Because They Begged Us.
UPDATE: Not an update, per se, but I got the hair-flip .gif working again and I didn’t want to deny anyone its creepiness.
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My daughter’s name is Emerald Fingerbang.
Everbody elses’ picture is moving too right? It’s like fucking Hogwart’s up in here and I’m freeeeakin’ out!
I don’t understand the relevance of an animated Chris Gaines pic here.
My son’s name is Cherrypoppin Asskicker.
I can’t take my eyes off that gif, it’s horrible….
I’m guessing that the “It worked” phrase at the end of that quote is highly subjective, right?
Steve McQueen’s widow Barbara said she could not imagine him asking for “family time” when making The Great Escape.
You’d work late too if your wife was the inspiration for the current Jack’s Links ads.
Why the fuck did they interview Steve McQueen’s widow about Tobey Maguire? Might as well interview Lightning McQueen.
One of my daughter’s names is Diamond Knockoff. We call her Zirconia though.
At the rate this franchise is circling the drain, I half expect the villain to be the Hamburgler.
GRRR…..RUBBLE RUBBLE!!!
I would have liked to see his Emo Chef menu.
Pointless Porkchops
Cut Myself Calamari
French Onion Soup w/ Tears
I Suck at Life Stroganoff
Yeah, we all owe his mom a swift kick in the ass.
If I had a daughter I’d call her Pearl Wisdom.
If my wife looked like Tobey Maguire’s wife, I’d demand Peter Jackson direct Spiderman 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 in New Zealand for 5 years.
They edited out the last part of her quote: “Now put down that pad and paper, young man, and hand me my tapioca before I rip out your larynx.”
Barbara then went off on tear, “And let me tell you about that little fruit Heath Ledger,” before being shot with a tranq dart.
I’m having a son and a daughter in a coupla months. Haven’t picked out names yet.
God, I know I’m gonna hate myself for this but . . . any ideas fellas?
Chickpea for the girl, Garbanzo for the boy.
I’m too busy laughing at Michelle’s Emo of Askiban comment.
Erswi, I suppose Gustav and Katrina are not being considered.
I don’t know if it’s true but I hear that vegan wands and limp and sad : (
Barack if it’s a boy. Baracka if it has knives for fingers.
What?
I like Beeble Bop for a girl or Noodle for a boy. SheHeba if we’re not sure.
I’d call them Layla and Eric, but I’m a big fan of ironic foreshadowing.
David Bowie Jokerswild and Maya Angelou Jokerswild.
Steve McQueen asked for time off from his films to spend time with other people’s daughters.
Hugo and Katrina.
Boosh and wurd to their mother.
Brody for a boy, Ima for a girl.
Hey, the Hodey family has a long history of giving their children stupid names.
How about Joe and Keira?
Dave if it’s a boy; Dave if it’s a girl, also. Good name, Dave.
Steve McQueen may not have asked for “family time” but you can bet there’d have been plenty of fucking about time. There’s plenty of anecdotes about his consummate professionalism on set.
Gene, you assume correctly. Those two are right out.
Erswi, you’re on your own for the girl, but Banks would be a good name
*Knows erswi’s last name*
Nice Donk. Nice.
Ernie would be a good one for the boy too.
*knows erswi’s shoe size*
wait….
When my wife was about 3 months pregnant and we didn’t even know what we were having yet (boy, girl, klingon?) everybody she worked with kept bugging her what were we gonna name our kids. I finally told her to tell them we’d decided on Hawk and Animal.
When her co-workers asked “What if one or more is a girl?”, we’d look em in the eye and say “Hawk and Animal”.
FilmDrunk is freezing like a motherfucker for me today. By the time i’d refreshed and was able to comment i’d forgotten there was a boy and a girl on the way.
Alex for the girl and Neil for the boy. You can name the dog Getty.
*knows erswi’s facebook first name*
Hey, if you want a kid that can dance, what better choice?
Why didn’t they interview Sylvester Stallone’s widow, Adrian? Dor sho gha!
Top headline Over There is THE SHIT!!
Carl and Carla?
Tomax and Xamot. This officially ends this discussion, because there is nothing that can top it.
New Up!
I hate to disappoint all of our fine contestants today who’ve played the game so well but, uhhh . . . I’m wiff Jesus on this one.
After finishing her quote Barbara McQueen spit on the floor, grabbed her crotch and asked “Who wants some?”
Steve McQueen reportedly abused children and raped women on movie sets. It appears as though Tobey McGuire rapes children and gets abused by women. If the role model for today’s male becomes gayer Thomas Beatie is going to star in Punisher: As Soon As the Hills Marathon Is Over I’m Going to Shoot You In the Face … and Not With My Dick This Time.
How dare you Vince. That’s from Spiderman3, and they wanted him to look creepy. Tobey Macquire was going for creepy when he did that scene. How dare you call Tobey Macquire aa good actor or that a good movie. It’s not creepy, it’s stupid.
Charlton Heston’s widow said she couldn’t imagine him sitting down to piss while making Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
Erswi…..If it’s a boy, name it Aryan. If it’s a girl, name it Aryan.
Nom, it’s both.
Nobody has said “Zan” and “Jayna” yet?
queers…
erswi, how about Boutros and Boutros-Gali? Or — considering your last name — how about Ritz and Hot?
Billy Jack if it’s a boy, Billie Jackie if it’s a girl, Coonjettta Fluoride if it’s a black hermaphrodite.
Alright, fuckers. Let’s get this over with.
1. I thought the whole “crossing paths” thing was very realistic in Crash. There’s only 20 people living in Los Angeles, right?
2. I’m totally on board for Crash comma The Series. Did you know the Traffic TV series was based on a movie?
3. The other time Lily Tomlin went apeshit on a director, Meryl Streep started yelling and cursing in unison to fool Robert Altman. It worked.
4. Those dumb bitches totally fell for the “I’m Stephenie Meyer!!! Clean your daughter’s room!!” trick used by their daughters.
5. I’m assuming the Japanese won and renamed the Kokoda Track the “Kodocha Track”. I don’t know why the TV show they made about it featured a perky little children’s television starlet.
6. Would it make Mrs. McQueen feel any better if Hollywood made a Bullitt remake starring Vin Diesel?
7. You all are smart enough to know which comments belong to which thread. Not that any of them are gonna get nommed for CoTW anyway.
Aaannnnd I’m spent. GOODNIGHT OXNARD!!
Since when is it acceptable to go full emo? Retard, yes; emo, NEVER!
It kinda sucks around here at night. I feel like I should pack up my Cuervo and ride my fine Aquabat ass off into the night.
JWiaDH
I’ve always been partial to Sheboba Shenenea for a black girl. If I do happen to pop out a black girl, according to the hubby: I’ve got a lot of splainin’ to do!!!!
Wow, six shots of Funny Attempt were not enought to please the mighty Corndog. I must be losing the edge I never had. I went from nightwatchman to late show host to can’t even get a chuckle out of the FNGirl.
You probably won’t see this Leon, but I thought numero uno was worth more than a chuckle.