“Two paws way up!” raves Constable the Torture Porn-Loving Shar Pei
After the jump, I’ve got a brand-new three and a half-minute teaser clip from Saw V, which is fantastic if you like watching people get tortured, and as an accomplished waterboarder, I know I do. Still I’m not super familiar with this franchise, so if anyone could tell me why the clown doll is so pissed at Johnny Knoxville, that’d be great.
Thanks to Burnsy and Robo for the tips.
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So the real horror of this film is that the viewers are by default the ones tortured? That is frightening.
I’m surprised they didn’t call it SaV.
I’m an experienced motorboater.
Well, shit, I’m in trouble. I’ve killed millions of future-me’s with my hands.
Lexi Alexander will direct Saw VI. Jigsaw will employ death by chocolate.
I think the clown was shoved up Knoxville’s ass once. It wasn’t on Jackass, it was just a Saturday night gang bang. He is pissed cause he never got a phone call three days later…
This is by far the least deserving movie franchise of all time. And I watched Hellraiser: Bloodlines for JHC’s sake! At least that franchise started out good.
Dane Cook Day, ICP movie, and Saw V; when does the fourth Horsemen of the Apocalypse get here?
And if I was gonna think of a way torture Constable, you could bet it would involve tickling. Yes it would! Yes it would! Who’s a torture-porn loving cutie pie?
I’m just glad that waterboarding and boogieboarding are two completely separate things.
Erswi, I loves ya
Vince, let my dog go. And, he better be compensated for this review
It’s about time you brought Constable into the folds.
Don Rumsfeld is kicking himself for not have thinking of this.
Oooh, Vincey is getting 2 tips at once now….
I’m a little amazed that they haven’t incorporated product placements into the Saw movies.
*Man awakens in a dungeon, a television screen with Jigsaw pops on as the clown doll explains the torture device to the panicked man*
Man: This is scary as shit, but I can see you so clearly on that Sony Bravia television and I have no problem hearing you over your brand new Pioneer surround sound system! Man, if I get out of this, I’m going right to Best Buy to purchase those fine product!
That guy’s lucky he didn’t fuck anybody to death.
s
I know we have horror fans here, but I was wondering if we had any “Old Universal Studios Horror” fans, as well? I admit that I am one, I just love something about old black and white monster movies.
Also, I would have to watch a Saw movie before I judged whether or not I consider it “horror”. I have avoided the films because they appear to attain little more than grotesque shock value.
The same could be said about the Rob Zombie films I like, I suppose, but at least those have REALLY good music. And Danny Trejo.
New Up!
Fek, I’m from the Midwest. Of course I enjoy the Old Universal Studios horror films.
I also enjoy Van Helsing for a good “dumb” flick.
God dammit! I have never started a successful horror movie discussion in my life!
I spoke too soon! Thanks, flux!
I like the old Hammer horror flicks too, and not just because of the lesbian vampires, but vecause they were actually pretty creepy. i’m also a huge Vincent Price fan too, by the way. but that doesn’t mean that i didn’t still jerk off to the above clip.
Kurg, I read that post 10 times, but all I can see is “lesbian” and “jerk off”.
Constable might be my favorite of all the torture porn loving animals.