Presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain spoke at a Service Nation forum at the Columbia campus last night, and between servicing models, I was fortunate enough to attend. Overall it was your basic boring political event, but for many of us in the audience, the big surprise was that one of the opening acts, sandwiched between NY Governor David Paterson and some 9/11 families, was none other than Tobey Maguire.
No one seems to know exactly why he was a featured speaker. “What the f-ck is Tobey Maguire doing here?” many wondered aloud. But the highlight was surely when he used the old “I may play a superhero on the big screen, but we all know the real heroes are the brave men and women who blah blah blah,” line. That got a big laugh.
Anyway, before I get started with the real important news today *stifles laugh*, I just wanted to say, don’t sell yourself short, Tobey. Firemen may be brave and social workers selfless, but neither can shoot webbing.



This isn’t really that funny, more of a public service announcement. If you havent’ seen “SpiderBabe” the cinemax porn, move that to the top of your list. Guess where she shoots webbing from? It’s priceless.
Tobey Maguire is a hero to men everywhere. If he didn’t stick his dick in Kirsten Dunst for all those years then she could have got to any of us.
Which models did you service? F-150, Focus, Escort. Mustang?
I shoot webbing . . . from my penis . . .
It’s sticky.
The always stylish Tobey Maguire is sporting the full blown AIDS look. Not just anyone can pull off Toxoplasmosis and a low T-cell count, but thats why he’s Spiderman.
I may play a website poster on the internets, but these guys ::spreads arms and looks from shoulder to shoulder:: are the real assholes. Don’t thank me for impregnating your daughters, thank these guys.
Tobey Maguire has that toothless old man look down pat.
I don’t know, I think k.d. lang looks pretty good in that picture.
I think I know where the Daily Bugle is.
Well, looks like He has been beaten to all of the semen jokes…
New Up!
Yeah, I know New Up.
But are we sure that’s not Kim Jong Il, Jr?!
He’s morphing into a North Korean.