SITE NEWS: COTW IS BACK
09.01.08
Alright dicklipses and dicklipsettes, I’ve heeded your whining and done some of my own, so I thought I’d give you a status update. First things first, Comments of the Week is back. I know it brings joy to your pointless existence, and how else could I get rid of all the schwag studios send me? The way it’ll work from now on is you’ll use the previous week’s Comments of the Week comments section to nominate comments for next week. I’ll also put a link in the About section. This week, use the comments section in this post to nominate comments. As always, please include the post from whence the comment came.
Other stuff we’re working on:
- Doing 50 comments per page again instead of having them all on one page
- A latest comments link in the sidebar
- Bringing back private messaging between commenters
I don’t have a time frame within which I can promise this will be done, but know that someone’s working on it. Not me, of course, I can barely wear pants. Alas, the only thing I’ve ever been good at is bringing a woman to orgasm *mouths “CALL ME”*. -

Women orgasm too???
Could I please nominate the floating Billy Zane picture between stories? He’s a good friend. I always listen to my good friend Billy Zane.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2701
Donkey Hodey says:
Paul Hamm had a really great quip about browning his meat, but Ortega cut that part out.
Can I nominate the Wikipedia listing?
2738 Donkey Hodey says:
Somehow this story feels like it’s missing the line “she yelled through a locked bathroom door amidst sobs.”
2745 Stone Soup says:
“Voice of the movies dead at 68″
I’m kind of relieved. I was always afraid to turn around and tell him to be quiet.
2763 Dr. Steve Brule says:
Upcoming cover of People Magazine:
“My Dark Secret – Jason Statham reveals his private battle with scowleosis”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2780#comments
Michelle’s Picture Caption:
Yo! Night Owl…EYES UP HERE!!!
Then,
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2783#comments
stoney
Michael Bay should have collaborated with Transporter producers. Let Jason Statham’s car turn into some shirtless robot, split the pyrotechnic costs, and called it Transforter: More than meets the Oy.
Since I’m apparently the only one playing,
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2840#comments
Eibmoz comes up with the perfect answer to Lindsay Lohan’s pregnancy:
She should just say she watched I Know Who Killed Me to induce spontaneous abortion.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2844#comments
Chodin responds to the British, and makes me all hard in the process:
The U.K. is going to shit their pants once the new ‘Fast and Furious’ movie glorifies driving on the wrong side of the road.
I sloppy-second Chodin.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2790
B.K. says:
*Beek orgasms, sounds like the Windows start-up jingle*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2827
GenePoolParty says:
The Curio Case of Benjamin Button is filled with Hummels and snow globes.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2840
Pauly Dangerously says:
I tried to tell my last boss that I was pregnant before he fired me. He just laughed and said “You can’t get pregnant through the mouth.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2844
Dr. Steve Brule says:
We are all assuming that the British wanted wanted. I think the ad council did everyone a favor favor.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2844
Pauly Dangerously says:
It’s weird how the Brits put a ‘r’ and an ‘e’ in “ass”, but I can understand, because when I put it in the ass, people usually go to the ER.
I tried submitting these with the link instead of the number and uproxx ate it. Sorry for the convenience.
2790
B.K. says:
*Beek orgasms, sounds like the Windows start-up jingle*
2827
GenePoolParty says:
The Curio Case of Benjamin Button is filled with Hummels and snow globes.
2840
Pauly Dangerously says:
I tried to tell my last boss that I was pregnant before he fired me. He just laughed and said “You can’t get pregnant through the mouth.”
2844
Dr. Steve Brule says:
We are all assuming that the British wanted wanted. I think the ad council did everyone a favor favor.
2844
Pauly Dangerously says:
It’s weird how the Brits put a ‘r’ and an ‘e’ in “ass”, but I can understand, because when I put it in the ass, people usually go to the ER.
Donk dings one in 2845;
Palin’s daughter is pretty sure that the guy named Levi is the one who knocked her up, but she also onfessed “Iditarod”
Rod could not be reached for comment.
Uh, make that 2858
Donkey – 2858
Palin’s Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant.
Palin: Inuit!
2867 – Donkey again
In Germany, this movie is being released as Über Ouchie.
2292 – Burnsy
This video clip is pretty bad BUT BUT BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE!
Chodin – 2292
Theaters should screen this movie with one of those bouncing balls that jump from word to word during the songs, because Lord knows you won’t be able to hear shit with the entire audience talking on their cell phones.
Dr. Steve beat me to it. Chode roolzzz.
2922 Stone Soup-
Ted Kennedy’s rap handle is B9 2Murr
Mark it Zero – 2984
I’ve found the easiest way to deal with women spending way too much on credit cards is to cut them up and throw them away. Then take the credit card, keep it in your wallet, and use it responsibly.
Second Mark It Zero
2998 Peet
Thank God you explained that banner pic, for a minute there I thought I’d forgotten Elton John’s birthday
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3011
MIZ forecloses my heart with:
Man, if I had a nickel for everytime I have to explain all the aprons covered in blood I throw away.
“Holy shit, thats a lot of bloody aprons.”
“Yeah, I’ve been slammed this week at work.”
“Dude, you work in real esate.”
“…”
*Slash to the throat*
Oh yeah, captivity. My favorite. (but not the movie).
Stinky Peet – 2984
I’d like to see how “adorable, silly, and sassy” she can be while trying use her earring to pick the lock on her cage.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3023#comment-133750
Dr. Steve Brule slings yogurt in the 3023 “More Choke Dick Clips” Thread –
“Chuck Palahniuk held a private screening for Choke in a New Jersey Turnpike bathroom at 3am. All reviews were HIV positive.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3023#comment-133764
Not even fair, because Donkey knows how wet I get from ‘Dark Crystal’ references-
“Studio security guards are always trying to return Angelica Huston to the storage warehouse where all the props from The Dark Crystal are stored.”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3023#comment-133785
After vigorous stroking, Chodin makes me cum with:
Anjelica Huston’s kids never got a Stretch Armstrong, but they did get to “tug on mommy’s tummy”.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3023
Pauly completes the circle jerk by setting himself up and knocking my pants down:
Angelica Huston cums like a geyser
Sorry. What I meant is that Angelica Huston cums like a guy, Sir.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3023#comment-133798
Pauly finishes strong (in my ass) -
“Anjelica Huston used to be a morse code sex operator.”
keyHo on 3037:
mmm, my favorite type of sandwich: peanut butter and smug asshole.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2898
Donkey Hodey says:
Kardashian has read this post and wants to leave a comment about how the guy asking her all the questions wasn’t named “Q”, but she can’t figure out how to sign up for an account.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2898
Burnsy says:
Kim and Carmen have so much in common. Their favorite color is pink, their favorite food is pizza and their favorite hepatitis is C.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2922
Pauly Dangerously says:
Whoever green-lighted this must have lighted some green.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=2998
Stone Soup says:
Thomas Kincade saw this photo and had an orgasm.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3119
The good Doctor Steve Burle left me with some mental imagery that I’m still trying to wrap my head around with:
To make sure that sounds of “Soul Men” remained authentic and believiable, Samuel Jackson’s actual singing voice was replaced by a looped recording of Aretha Franklin’s queefs.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3087
Burnsy says:
Timothy Dalton’s new Bond poster has him holding Roger Moore’s place in the unemployment line.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3087
Pauly Dangerously says:
Choosy Mothers Against Not Choosing Jiff.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3087
Donkey Hodey says:
They call it a “spate” of crime because the phrase “crime wave” is already reserved for what happens at soccer matches.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3129
Donkey Hodey says:
The only music player that emo zombies like to hold all their cry-rock anthems? iPod Shuffle, of course.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3129
Watanabex says:
the cool thing about a gay zombie invasion is that once they crawl out of their graves they inmediatelly go to the shopping centers to upgrade their wardrobe so really only have to worry about the hipster-retro-gay-zombies as you try to escape, but they’re too busy posing for facebook and lastnightsparty pics, so even then you can still make a run for it
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/?p=3151
jokerswild says:
If Jessica Lange and Morgan Freeman aren’t in this, count me out.