From Roger Ebert’s official page at the Sun-Times:
Q. Yo dude, u missed out on “Disaster Movie,” a hardcore laugh-ur-@zz-off movie! Y U not review this movie!? It was funny as #ell! Prolly the funniest movie of the summer! U never review these, wat up wit dat?
S.J. Stanczak, Chicago
A. Hey, bro, I wuz buzier than $#i+, @d they never shoed it b4 hand. I peeped in the IMDb and saw it zoomed to #1 as the low$ie$t flic of all time, wit @ lame-@zz UZer Rating of 1.3. U liked it? Wat up wit dat?
I’m not saying the question is real, but I’d like to think it is. Though I’m 80% sure S.J. Stanczak is either Seltzer or Friedberg. Either way, I believe the expression is “Roger Ebert FTW”.
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I think it’s clear that Roger Ebert needs to move out of being a film critic and take over Ann Landers’ job.
When asked to trace the IP address of the sender, police found an ethernet cable ending at Gene Siskel’s grave.
L33t is so old hat, everyone is moving to Klingon, He understands.
Ebert’s truck handle is ‘Dick Sneezer’.
Do Klingons come from the planet Kling?
Pretty sure it’s Siskel, from beyond the grave, just fucking with Ebert.
Gene Shalit would have said “It was a disaster that Disaster Movie didn’t pre-screen!”
If my children ever communicate like that….D3@D2M€.
Robert Ebert’s MySpace name is ~R@g3r RaBb!t~W00t***RiP Sisko
S.J. Stanczak? Isn’t that where the girl gets the shitty mustache?
I’m pretty Gene Shalit modeled his “look” after my junk.
In a world…where one man is slapped on the knee with a binder…noone is safe!
Hey Chod – I agree. And by agree, I mean I posted that above.
Dude’s pretty funny for a gross fat guy.
I’m still a little bitter that Ebert hasn’t replied to my question.
Q. Hey Ebert, how big yo dick, dawg??!11!?
I’m pretty sure that I typed “sure”.
Stone, I wasn’t “stealing” from you…it was a…um…um…a homage, yeah THAT’S IT!!!
A GODDAMN HOMAGE!!!!!!
Ebert looks like he’s been enjoying the shit out of his condiment sandwiches.
More like a homo-age. GET IT!?!? OMGHI2U!!!!!!111!!8675309JENNY
MUHAHHAHA!!!!! ROTFSMFP !!!!!!
:::::rolling on the floor shitting my fucking pants:::::
Jack is pretty.
ps – Happy Anniversary Fek!
Surprisingly enough, legend has it that Ebert has pwnd way more Milk Duds than noobs.
Stone, is it just me or did Jenny Craig jump right over a brilliant marketing maneuvre (or gesture, as you will) by NOT getting the company’s phone number switched to 1-800-867-5309?
Erswi – I never thought of that. Ironically, my mother works for them. I’ll tell her to sell them on the idea.
From the pictures, I can’t tell if Ebert wants to fuck me or add dressing.
Now that banks are online, they should have a page showing pictures of houses they foreclosed on with “PWND!!” stamped across it.
I’m sure the folks at Jenny Craig weren’t willing to pay Tommy Tutone what he was asking, erswi. Which is kinda weird considering it’s usually the fat chicks that are sympathetic to someone asking for food or a place to sleep.
Look, I realize that Ebert’s picture may not seem very flattering, but just trust me that it’s a lot more effective on his myspace page with Evanescence playing.
Judging by the picture, you could use Ebert’s head to orient crossbeams during building construction. I wonder if he helps build his own homes.
Ebert’s chin looks like a helmet strap built out of an ass cheek.
Hey, you wanna’ know why I want to fight Ebert?
Because he’s one of the only people I could probably REALLY fuck up.
I don’t mean to sound pretentious here, but Ebert should just get with the times and cut himself a faux hawk.
Roger Ebert’s rapper name is Thumm Tak.
Roger Ebert’s rapper name is Voyce Bawks.
*shanks Al*
…
Oh…THANK her…
*spanks Al*
…
Oh…THANK her…
Roger Ebert’s rapper name is Tha Chincinnati Kid.
Roger Ebert is joining Naughty By Nature for a reunion tour and will be filling the space left by Anthony Criss under the name Trachea.
Roger Ebert is taking Sexman in under his wing.
…and his thigh. Hell, under the whole bucket.
More Ebert pwnage (seriously, really funny shit, if a bit dated):
[www.udargo.com]
Guess Who is outta work???
I’ll give you a hint…
He has two thumbs and is totally handsome/awesome….
*Points to himself with thumbs*
This guy
Please Hold your Applause…
Don’t make such a fuss over little ole me…
Really, Please stop it you’re embarassing me…
Stop it, You are all too kind…
Please no Autographs….
*looks for Fek, doesn’t see him*
{ahem}
BONG!!!!!!!!!
Ebert is often praised for his enlightening critique of the Taco Bell 5th Meal.
Ebert looks like he hates pantomiming the size of the fish he’s caught.
Ebert looks like he’s planning big trouble for Gumby & friends.
Sorry about the news dyPa, but New Up!