^{Yes, that’s it. You look so pretty when you mash your giant boobs together.}

After the jump, I’ve got the newly released trailer for Seven Pounds, starring Will Smith and Rosario Dawson, from the director of The Pursuit of Happyness.

Ben (Will Smith) is an IRS agent who is depressed and guilt-ridden about mistakes from his past. He sets out to make amends by helping seven strangers. When he meets Emily (Rosario Dawson), a beautiful woman with a heart condition, he falls in love with her, thereby complicating his plans. Woody Harrelson also appears as a blind pianist who befriends Ben.

Meh, whatever. I’d much rather see Rosario Dawson in a remake of Seven Pounds for Seven Brothers. That was a sexy film.
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Wow, that was awesome. Nothing pairs with a cheesy superhero movie from the 30s like hard-boiled narration and artistic pretensions. This is gonna be the best thing since Batman & Robin. (I’ve included a clip of that after the jump for comparison)

“My name is The Octopus; I like eight of everything! You hear this, motherf-cker? This is motherf-ckin expository dialogue! MY MOTHERF-CKIN CHARACTER EXPLAINS THE MOTHERF-CKIN BACK STORY WITH MOTHERF-CKIN WORDS!”
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^{They’re f-cking adorable when they’re confused}

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a David Fincher film starring Brad Pitt as a guy who is born an old man and gets younger as he ages. It’s set to open on Christmas Day and the visuals look pretty amazing. Anyone want to bet this doesn’t make 10 jillion dollars? Of course, it’s easy to make a sweet movie about a guy who starts looking more and more like a young Brad Pitt. Story wouldn’t be nearly as heartwarming with, say, Paul Giamatti. Hello, my name is Benjamin Button. My case is curious in that I’ve been a stoop-shouldered, weaselly-looking bald guy for the last 60 years.

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^{Kitty added to protect spoiler.  …Uh, is anyone else really turned on right now?}

This is what happens when Michael Bay’s production company does a remake of Friday the 13th.  You can see the spoiler versions below by clicking on the thumbnails.  Though honestly, the only way I’d consider seeing this is if it looked more like kitty version.  Platinum Dunes has previously remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (twice), The Amityville Horror, and The Hitcher, and has remakes of The Birds and Nightmare on Elm Street in the works.  Friday the 13th premieres in February, presumably on the Who Gives a Shit Channel.

[HorrorBid]

So the story is, Russell Crowe will be playing both the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood in Nottingham, Ridley Scott’s upcoming revisionist take on Robin Hood.

While Scott held additional details close to his chest — saying they would take too long to describe — he did exclaim that Crowe’s dual roles would be “a good old clever adjustment of characters. One becomes the other. It changes.”
Clearly Scott sees these two characters as two sides of the same coin.  [MTV]

Gosh, that is a fresh idea.  So unexpected.  That two different people could  really be one… incendiary, I think, is the only word to describe it.  And yet, for some reason, I’m reminded of the scene in Adaptation where Charlie Kaufman discusses the script his retard brother Donald has written:

CHARLIE: Donald, the only idea more overused than serial killers is multiple personality.  On top of that, you explore the notion that cop and criminal are really two aspects of the same person.  See every cop movie ever made for other examples of this.

DONALD:  Mom called it psychologically taut.