That’s right folks, not enough space to cover all the news today.  Here’s the abbreviated version:

Quentin Tarantino and Harvey Weinstein deal with DeNiro: See above clip.  This 10-year-old sound recording recently made its way to the web.  In it, Tarantino and Weinstein discuss how to deal with Bobby DeNiro, who was apparently pissed about either his role or compensation for Jackie Browne.  Either way, Quentin hasn’t had a conversation this short since at least 2000. Harvey also says DeNiro is “gonna make John Travolta look like amateur night in Dixie.” Is that a gay joke? I’m pretty sure that’s a gay joke.

New Red-Band Clip from Sex Drive: Good thing they added the music in there, otherwise I might not have realized what a wild and crazy time I was having watching it.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.  Again.: The original might be funnier, but whatever.  Hey, what’s the difference between my dick and a pit bull?  Lipstick.  **snarl**

Anne Hathaway Likes Anal:  “Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing”.  It’s official, she’s the world’s most perfect woman.  Being able to talk dirty in my gym teacher’s voice during the act would just be icing on the cake.  

Photoshop + “Make a Porno” = Fun:  My favorite was Milo and Otis Make a Porno (pictured).

Megan Fox Plays a Mermaid: New writers have been brought on with a mandate to write more bikini scenes.  I swear to God I did not make this up.

“Americatown”: New HBO series will be set in the future after a mass exodus from America and will focus on a cluster of American immigrants in a big foreign city.  I think Ween should write the theme song, and it should be called “Hamburgers and Meth”.

Bill Murray Would Do Ghostbusters 3: I know, I don’t really care either.

The Office: In case you missed it, the first episode of the new season is online in its entirety.  I can sum up why The Office is better than 30 Rock in two words: Judah Friedlander.

[Thanks to Robo, Stone Soup, and Eric from ScreenJunkies for the tips]

Paul Newman died of cancer at age 83 this weekend.  At my age, it’d be fairly sacrilegious to attempt a rundown of his best movie roles.  But from Butch Cassidy to Cool Hand Luke to Road to Perdition, there were some great ones.

Paul Newman is a guy whose death brings Israelis and Iranians together because, simply put, he was a badass.  If you don’t think Paul Newman was anything special, just try to imagine Adrian Grenier driving a racecar, Mark Wahlberg’s face on a box of crackers, Zac Efron playing a guy named “Butch”, or Sean Penn talking about organic food without sounding like a total dickweed.  Paul Newman defined cool back when being cool meant someone you’d want to have drink with rather than someone you want to kick in the nuts.

Long story short, rest in peace, Reg Dunlop, getting old is f-cking lame.  Though you’re with us no longer, your spirit lives on through your iconic films and tasty salad dressing.

UPDATE: No update, he didn’t come back to life. I just thought this deserved to stay on the front page for a full day.

This is the second full-length trailer for Baz Luhrmann’s Australia, in which Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman strike up an unlikely relationship that teaches us all how to love again.

A romantic action-adventure set in northern Australia prior to World War II, Australia centers on an English aristocrat (Kidman) who inherits a ranch the size of Maryland. When English cattle barons plot to take her land, she reluctantly joins forces with a rough-hewn cattle driver (Jackman) to drive 2000 head of cattle across hundreds of miles of the country’s most unforgiving land, only to still face the bombing of Darwin by the Japanese forces that had attacked Pearl Harbor only months earlier. [AOL]

Man, before tentacle porn came along, the Japanese were kind of dicks.  Also, I liked the whole stodgy English people meet wild-eyed Aussies angle better in Sirens, when it was accompanied by Elle Macpherson’s bush (NWS, obviously).  In conclusion: Dear Baz Luhrmann, Needs more bush.  Sincerely, FilmDrunk.

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These days, we expect to hear names of directors like McG and Brett Ratner and Stephen Sommers mentioned alongside comic book projects like Thor.  But today Variety reports that in a surprise move, Marvel is in talks with Kenneth Branagh.  And yes, that’s the same Kenneth Branagh who directed Shakespeare adaptations Hamlet, As You Like It, and Henry V.

“Thor” comicbook adaptation, penned by Mark Protosevich, follows disabled medical student Donald Blake, who has an alter ego as the hammer-wielding Norse god Thor.
The “Thor” negotiations come during a resurgence for Branagh. He’s currently drawing raves on the London stage in the title role of “Ivanov,” and he’ll next be seen acting in the Richard Curtis-directed “The Boat That Rocked” and the Bryan Singer-helmed “Valkyrie.”

To sum up, a guy who’s really into Shakespeare is directing a movie about a disabled med student who somehow turns into a Viking God superhero.  Dude, this is gonna be an f-d up movie.

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The headline really speaks for itself here. The clip comes from Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2, released in 1979, and indeed features a zombie fighting a shark. Did they use a toothless shark for this? What the hell. First they fail to give him lasers, next they stick him in with a zombie, and then they pull out his teeth? Shark actors should demand better. It’s time to unionize.

[via QuietEarth, thanks to Robo for the tip]