OH CRAP, WE MISSED DANE COOK DAY
09.18.08
Somehow I missed this yesterday, but the Boston City Council declared it Dane Cook Day. And just in time for the release of My Best Friend’s Girl! Seriously though, if being in one crappy movie with Kate Hudson is enough to get you honored by the City Council, Matthew McConnaughey should be emperor of the universe. But back to Dane Cook Day – how should we celebrate?
“Let’s see, ‘Dane Cook Day’ in Boston… It would be a day off, people would be given bags of gold and . . . a gift certificate to Legal Sea Foods. And I’d throw a party on the Boston Common where people could come dressed as their favorite biblical character.” [Boston Herald]
Oh, Dane, you’re so zany. Not funny, per se, or cute, but, you know, wacky. That should be your new nickname, Zany Dane. Oh hey look, Zany Dane Cook is in another crappy movie, people would say.
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My grandfather once told us bedtime yarns of said Dane Cook Day, whilst we closed our eyelids and traveled to far away dreamlands. He told us that good little boys and girls who believed in Dane Cook and celebrated on his day would be visited in the night by a fairy with a bag of shiny silver dollars. And then that fairy would beat the ever loving shit out of those kids until they realized what douchebags they are.
People who celebrate Dane Cook Day give each other the same gifts they gave for Christmas, just with different wrapping paper.
This is going to be filed under “really important days” in my planner. Let’s see, yep, there’s still space next to Boxing Day and National Frozen Food Day.
I imagine Dane Cook day in Boston will entail a bunch of very hyper story telling that incorporates repeating words to emphasize a point. Each sentence will, of course, start with “Err a”.
Traditional clothing for Dane Cook Day includes Reefs and tattered baseball caps.
Dane Cook Day: the day its ok to go full retard
Bostonians will celebrate Dane Cook Day just like they celebrate all days; get wildly drunk, talk about how their city is the best fahkin’ city in the world, and probably go out in packs and find individual black people to verbally abuse.
Wasn’t this already known as “Women’s Personal Hygiene Day?”
It’s also held in the stock room at Abercrombie and Fitch. The girls try to fit in and be funny by making that spastic tongue motion between their fingers and pointing to their crotches but let’s face, the girls would be much funnier dead.
Also, part of the Dane Cook Day festivities is the annual “Stealing of the Jokes”!
Oh, you spicy Cinnabon!
Dane Cook day this year involves prayers for a quarterback that people have heard of and who has two good knees.
There were quite a few older Scandinavian women that showed up for the gravlox competition that were terrible pissed that it wasn’t that kind of “Dane Cook” day.
What is Tom Selleck’s mustache doing on Dane Cook’s head?
They wanted to give Dane Cook the key to the city, but nobody could remember who was supposed to be the sober guy holding all the keys so instead they wrote “You Rock!” in crayon on a cocktail napkin.
I like the touch of Asian flare this holiday brings, where after the back to back screenings of Dane’s movies, the glorious traditon of Sepaku is practiced.
nePoo, I owe you this for that post last night.
*hands nePoo piss boot*
If I were to walk around Boston, I’d already guess that many of them were dressed at their favorite biblical characters, sodomites.
*grabs piss boot and chugs it*
WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO! HAPPY DANE COOK DAY!!!
What happened last night? I’ll be fucked if I’m reading all that.
Apparently, coke made a comeback in a big way last night J. And I mean American Psycho coke. Not that New Coke crap.
New shit has come to light?
Let’s just say that we were all celebrating the true spirit of Dane Cook day.
Thanks, Donk. Just tryin to preach what I practiced.
For what it’s worth, I’m still giggling about the Swedish Chef > Dane Cook joke.
*Dips dick in lingonberry jam; salutes Fek*
New Up!
To me everyday is Dane Cook Day!
Of all the great comedians to come out of Boston (Louis CK, Steven Wright, Tony V, The Walsh Brothers, Shane Mauss), this asshole gets a day named after him? Fuck you, Mayor Menino!
Who’s jokes do I have to steal around here to get my own day?
They were literally advertising that shitty movie during the Clay Guida fight last night. I almost gave my girlfriend a black eye as a result.