When this Rennaissance Faire movie was first announced, it was called Ye Olde Times and the cast included Lindsay Lohan, Jack Black, Cary Elwes, Matthew Lillard, David Arquette, Ann-Margret, and Orlando Jones – basically, a bad acid trip. Of that group, only Lillard and Ann-Margret are still around, but now they’ve added Christina Ricci*, Owen Benjamin, Nadine Velazquez, Bill Engvall and Cedric the Entertainer.
Benjamin (“The House Bunny”) will play an eager drama school grad whose new Renaissance Faire theater troupe makes him their fetch boy. His hopes and libido rise when he spots a Faire virgin (Ricci), but swashbuckling colleagues threaten to thwart their budding romance. [THR]
Great synopsis, I have a vagina now. Anyway, to properly reflect how much shittier this sounds, they also changed the title to All’s Faire in Love. You should know by now that no movie with a cutesy play on words in the title has ever been good. Ever. See also: Wedding Daze, Maid in Manhattan, Made of Honor, etc. Anyway, this will probably go straight to DVD, so I’m not sure why I even wrote about it. I guess to make us all feel better about ourselves. Any time I’m feeling down, I just say to myself, “Hey, at least I’m not Bill Engvall.”
*The tattoo on her boob looks like this (NWS), in case you were wondering
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Bill Engvall will be swimming in Oscar gold for Bait Shop.
My girlfriends have usually have pelicans or toucans tattooed on their boobs.
Yeah, lots of virgins have tattoos on their tits.
Thanks for that Vince. Now that I’ve seen her awful looking boobs after her breast reduction, I can cross her name off my list of “Actors I’d fuck”. Now I have to find someone to fill in the gap between Michael Rappaport and Emmy Rossum.
Ann-Margret’s vagina will be playing “Ye Olde Mitt of Catcher”.
Witty, the rumor that I heard is that her vajayjay will be playing “Yon Sleeves of Wizard”.
Director: We need to recast the part of the Faire virgin. Lindsay Lohan is universally known as a skank whore lesbian.
Casting Director: Christina Ricci is looking for work.
Director: Isn’t she a washed up skank whore who has done lesbian work?
Casting Director: She’s insurable.
Director: HIred!
Nic Cage will play a cameo role in the forehead jousting tournament with Christina Ricci.
I’d love to introduce that loon to my nuthatch. I wonder if she swallows.
Is that another bird tattooed on her left hip? I’m starting to think all that body art is just an elaborate excuse for not having to groom her pubic hair.
Ann-Margrock has a pterodactyl on her boob.
Not a tattoo, either.
Bill Engvall will play Lord Trashe of Whitington
Ann Margaret’s lower body tattoos are more commonly referred to as cave drawings.
Hey Vince, how can we contact you off board? For a tip or something like that.
Just like Hitchhiker’s Guide, stick your thumb in the air and he’ll find you.
Try the “Contact” link.
Oh yeah? how about Jennifer Eight, where that anorexic chick finally gets over her affliction?
Cutesy plays on words as titles only work when they’re the title of an episode of a TV series. Example: Futurama’s Roswell That Ends Well.
New up.
Well how was I supposed to crack that enigmatic choice of wording?
::sobs softly into tissue, remembers what else is in tissue, sobs loudly::
Those tits used to be works or art…. now?
Yikes, those are nasty…
I know there’s a “New Up”, but I thought I’d share that I have never come on a woman’s face/head. I can always get it in their mouth butI would make a supreme effort to jizz the fivehead.
All’s Faire in Love. You should know by now that no movie with a cutesy play on words in the title has ever been good. Ever.
I agree……the rule also applies to any restaurant that has “ye olde” anywhere in it’s name……definitely will give you the shits.
Tengo…..
I almost came on my own head once…..when someone was giving me a handjob (I was lying on my back).
She thought it was quite funny….but I had to turn it into a “learning moment”….”see honey….that’s why men prefer BLOWJOBS”