JASON STATHAM SOUNDS OFF
09.17.08In a recent interview with Empire Magazine, Jason Statham revealed that after he finishes work on all the latest Transporters and Cranks, his next project will be The Grabbers, a project written by David and Janet Peoples (12 Monkeys), which will be heavily influenced by the Bogart classic The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Statham had this to say about the project:
Oy, yeah. E’s koynda loike a Treashya a da Sierra Madre, only dat bloke ‘at played it befo’, ‘e wizz always keepin’ ‘e’s shir’ on. An’ oy bloody weww ain’ gonna fock’n do dat, now ees oy? Oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam now isn’ oy? An’ anuvva fing – dem blokes ina Sierra Madre, ‘umphrey Blogar’ ‘an oww dat, dey ain’t got no flash ca’s, ‘as dey? Dat’s definitely somefin we’s got ‘a change, cos fock’n Jason Stafam don’ go droivin’ round in some piddly fock’n wank wagon, now duz dey? Now, win we soy e’s gonna be loike da Treashya a da Sierra Madre in oww dat, wut we mean e’s dat oy’s gonna be droivin’ round inna fancy sazz wagon wif me shir’ off, when oww uvva sudden oy sees dis fit Mexican bird, roight? An’ before you know it we’s goin’ onna search fa da fock’n lost gold, an’ rippin each uvva’s clothes off an ‘avvin a go at each uvva onna bafroom floor an’ oww dat, dja know whut oy mean? An’ ‘en some fock’n blokes come, ‘an dey troy ta taike a treashya, so oy staaht smashin’ bugga’s oww ovva da bloody plaice, coz oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam, oy ain’ gonna bloody weww sit ‘ere an’ play fock’n Choinese Chek’uhs, now ees oy?


This dude could totally whip Vin Diesel’s ass.
“The Grabbers” is what the girls in the high school halls called The Mighty Feklahr and His Klingon Posse.
Well, “The Dick Grabbers”…
Also, I hear Amy Smart gets butt-ass naked in Crank II. Any truth to this?
Vinsss, I know you put a whole fuckload of time in typing that up, but I’m already short on brain cells. If I tried to read that, I’ll be Schiavo-ed before I figure it out. Sorry.
Is this fake interview dialogue or a paragraph from Tom Sawyer? Either way it’s unreadable.
Boiges? We ain’t got nah stinkin’ boiges.
The Grabbers? Fucking rubbish title.
That screen door must have been REALLY hot!
Vance, that was incredibly difficult to read. Throw me a bone and tell me you typed that with your shirt off, at least.
David and Janet Peoples? I thought for sure he’d be working with a Van Peeples by now.
Oh, did I mention I need an Eastwood/Lee post to make my joke for Pauly, too? I think I am fucked.
Charlie, I thought your movie you posted yesterday was fucking hilarious, btk.
Lince, can we start calling you “Vince Deezul”?
This has nothing to do with that story, but anybody want to see a magic trick?
I love magic!
Alla-Peanut-Butter-Samitches-SHo-Gha!
The Grabbers previous title was “The Snatchers”, but that was already taken by an upcoming Discovery Channel movie about Perodactyls that steal purses and tear up the vag.
I was wondering where Eibz and Erswi had disappeared to…
Bravo, Vince. Bravo.
Thank you much, JHC, had some fun on that site yesterday.
I watched Revolver not too long ago and it was so fucking weird. I mean, Jason Statham had hair and was wearing a shirt for most of the film. I just couldnt’ follow that.
This dude’s obviously allergic to sleeves. And decent scripts.
Vince, don’t listen to J, it’s his own fault he squandered his brain cells. Lance, that shit was fucking classic. Nice fucking work dude.
Is that an incision tattoo on his arm? Or is that where he stores his “x”‘s and “/”‘s for the ultimate tic-tac-toe board on his shoulder?
I’ve got a magic trick for ya…
Watch me make this black guy’s teeth disappear. *stomps curb* Ta-dah!
Jason Statham once made homemade waffles. Once.
OK I can’t remember who I said this to last time, but I’m saying it again – put your white hood away, dude.
did somebody say HOOD???
So, I actually saw Death Race and I know you folks’ll never believe it, but trust me, it was pretty fucking stupid.
But I was outstanding, right Donk?
You are always amazing Al
Being the best actor in that movie is like outrunning cripples; it may feel good, but don’t go bragging about it.
I’m already fired my agent.
… um, and my script writer.
Like winning the special olympics, Donk?
However bad Death Race was, it can’t be as bad as Death Racers, starring the Insane Clown Posse and released straight-to-DVD yesterday. Seriously.
*bows to Robo*
You win again, sir.
Death Race was far more enjoyable than Deaf Race. Those poor bastards never heard the damn gunshot.
*strolls back into the room trying to see if anybody’s noticed that he’s returned so shortly after Eibmoz has as well*
*whistles*
Don’t forget about Dead Race. Talk about boring.
I thought death race was supposed to be about the jewish?
Erswi, got anywhere I can hang up my coat? Oh, right, nevermind.
Death Race is also known by the title “Life in Boca Raton.”
I liked Dearth Race… not enough drivers though.
My brain just shit into my mouth.
Head Race was pretty good for low-budget porn, just in case any of you guys are into that.
Nom, stop reading my mind. I almost posted that
{walks back in, sits, dragging ass catches up two minutes later}
Was there words and stuff in the blue box on that post. All I saw was a bunch of random letters and punctuation marks.
I think I’m still fucking drunk… incredible.
Depp Race was kind of lame seeing as Johnny always beats the hair gel.
I’m completely sober and the only words I could make out were “bloody” and “Mexican”, Crappy, which I’m hoping aren’t used together, but it’s hard to tell with all the “oy”s.
I kinda liked Deth Race, I always rooted for the Mustaine to win.
AI, nobody wears white hoods anymore you moron. Besides I was making a reference to a movie, so maybe you should keep your damn mouth shut and speak only when spoken to.
Debt Race started out kinda interesting, but then it got depressing and ended in all these super boring courthouse scenes.
Breath Race was cool until both competitors passed out.
Def Race was da shit, fo sho.
/hopes that passes for Jive talk.
Meth race was cool until the trailer blew up.
And I see Vinyard wore his neat-o pants today.
The Mighty Feklahr has a quiz! Whom of the following is a spineless douchebag with a needledick and would get his ass kicked by Him?
A. Vinyard
I thnought KKK had a good sence of humor…
I guess not?
Did Vinyard slip under the fence between here and Over There?
THE ANSWER IS A!
(The Mighty Feklahr was sure Vinyard was wondering)
I would wonder about the number of Durdenites that accidentally wander in here but then I realize they don’t read good or do other stuff good, too.
{Puts meth race joke back in pocket for another day}
I understood every word of that. But then again, I have a vagina, and my comprehension of sexy british guys who drive fast cars without shirts on came as a standard accessory. I’m pretty sure its mandated for safety reasons. As in if he runs you all over in his BMW chasing after the terrorists that plotted to spill hot coffee onto his bare chest, we can repopulate the earth.
Oh wow. Well I guess we see who’s butt-buddies with who in here. Damn you sensitive forum commenters.
YOU WILL BE BANNED!!!
So, what kind of “Vin” do you make, exactly?
Vin-is that your prison boyfriend in your avatar?
Treasure of the Sierra Madre was one of the finest movies ever made. It would be a real crime if this puntah droivin’ round inna fancy sazz wagon wif ‘is shir’ off, ruins it.
Diremutt, I honestly could care less. I understand some of you base your entire day around this site, but contrary to popular belief there is life OFFLINE.
Tune into my radio show today as the theme is kitchen appliances I can fit inside my body, and also Toby Keith is stopping by to count his box office gross on one hand.
“Oy wizz in da loo, an oy slipped awn piss. ‘Ank gad da bloody Grabbers were dare fir me ta cetch, a-else oyda bashed me ed.”
Vinya-The Mighty Feklahr is going to go out on a big limb here and guess that you are an under-educated, under-employed, under-worthwhile-citizen-to-society from, say, somewhere in the Bible Belt?
If you think Vince’s typing of Jason Statham’s english is impressive, you should see Jason Statham masterfully typing all the hand motions inherent in Vince’s Italian-American speech.
So predictable Mighty Feklahr.. If at first the gay jokes don’t work, result to insulting intelligence! Man you are crafty.
contrary to popular belief there is life OFFLINE.
*points finger*
LIES!!!
*prepares bonfire; looks for a duck, very small rocks*
::runs into thread::
Some one say butt buddies?
There may be life OFFLINE, but they sure is some fightin’ words to type onlines, eh?
He didn’t get the joke. Oh, well.
Look you retard, we may wile away the day making crude remarks about lame shit that shouldn’t matter, but at least we aren’t some pin cocked fuckweed who starts puerile flame wars.
I now dismiss you.
Sorry, J. False alarm; If you want, we’ll play that game again on tomorrow’s morning show.
Vinya-where are the gay jokes? Unless somehow you don’t have a vagina…
::tries to get things back off track::
“I thought death race was supposed to be about the jewish?”
The same could be said about Seth Race.
C-Dog, you gotta be careful with that fuckweed. The seeds will explode all over your face and chest at a moments notice.
*sings* “Life. It’s the name of the game and i want to play the game with you.” Any Bruce Forsyth fans in the house? No? Let’s keep it that way, huh?
You can get a really bad rash from infest fuckweed. You gotta inspect the packages before you handle and work on them.
I think last night’s main ingredient on Iron Chef was fuckweed.
infested* DAMMIT
You should see the stymen on that fuckweed. Looks like a baby’s arm.
fuckweed = a ruffie and a joint
*BK throws out handfuls of duckfeed*
*checks thread*
Damn my dyslexia!
Fuckweed is especially hard to get rid of because the harder you pull it, the more seeds it spreads
*looks around, can’t remember who originally made that joke, claims for himself*
Megan Fox lives on a diet of fuckweed and ginger.
Donk-I think it was Rot…
Are those the lyrics to Jason Statham’s new hit punk rock single?
…and it was “dickweed”…
I’m pretty sure you’re right, Fek.
*pours beer from his 40 for Rotty*
There ya go, now get up off the floor.
Remember the post about dickweed? Pulling vigorously or something?
Ah, those were the days. Pre-Vinyasa.
Wow, I need to learn to type faster.
Fuckweed: coutiosis couplulaflorum A parasitic plant common in moist environments identified by it’s brown mossy base, tuber like seed pods, and a tall flowering shaft which produces a milky secretion when pollinating which smells like satly beer.
Vinya drinks satly beer…
There’s yer ghey joke!
Vinyasa’s boots may smell like piss. But that’s as close as he’s ever gonna get to the real thing.
{leaves to make drunken 2:30am Taco Bell run at 1pm the next day}
*runs inside looking nervous*
Look, just because she’s DEAD, it doesn’t mean I KILLED her!!
I can’t speak because no one’s spoken to me, but I’m pleased to know we’re all butt-buddies. May I borrow someone’s johnson for the upcoming festivities, please?
B.K., not only do I read good, I think y’all are WAAAYYY funnier/smarter than the “others”. Zing!
*realizes it took so long to register for film drunk that this comment is no longer relevant*
Al, I know a good baby shampoo you can use to double your johnsons.
Speaking of butt buddies… I miss the NPA.
What brought out the noobs? Maybe digging these posts was a bad idea.
::hauls ass into thread::
I know good and goddamed well that someone said “butt-buddies” this time.
No tears.
*pours Burnsy & JHC a piss boot each*
You guys get first servings.
Not noo, just shy ;)
Is that your mating call, JHC? It sure makes ya perky.
The Mighty Feklahr hasn’t used His johnson in so long, He isn’t sure if it works any more, Al. :(
Meghan-is that your prison boyfriend in your avatar?
Left out of the boot again. :-(
All the more reason to let someone else take it for a test-drive then, Fek. Just leave it on the table, I’ll do my best to return it in the same condition I received it in.
Fek, if James Franco were my boyfriend and he were in prison, I would kill someone to get in there with him.
….Just sayin’….
Meghan, I would be a lot cooler with you if your stupid law didn’t make me so unpopular with my neighbors.
^was gonna say what donkey did, but felt I was too good for that. I.FUCKING.HATE.TYPOS.
**looks around at all the love**
you guys fucking retreating on the call for angry villagers with picthforks
IghtyFekl, you need to run some self test diagnostics on that shit before it explodes in someone’s face.
Man, you guys are almost as lame as the assclowns at WWTDD, but not quite.
Sorry, Donk. I KNEW I should’ve changed my name before I started patrolling the streets for the pedos…We can still be cool, right? At least I don’t make you put signs in your front yard or any of that….
Could I hate uproxx more? Yes. But that still doesn’t subdue my furious hatred.
Did you drink extra haterade this morning, Vinya?
*winces at how corny that sounds out loud*
Vinyasa, when does work release end for you? I’m just sayin’ the smell is getting to me.
Hey, how is everyone? Heard any good neo nazi jokes lately?
HEY, viny..
dint you already get run off once??
btw assclowns love it when you talk dirty to them…just an fyi
Megha-You don’t have to kill someone to get into prison! Just get pulled over for being “minority”!
Man, you guys are almost as lame as the assclowns at WWTDD, but not quite.
So, we got that going for us…
I am not talking dirty to you, Miss, no matter what you say
Shit! Someone on the internet doesn’t like me. Where’s that number for the florist? I gotta make this right.
Well sure, nobody MAKES me put those signs in my front yard. In fact, my neighbors actually want me to take them down, something about not being allowed to advertise free candy or some other such bullshit.
Okay, if you guys don’t tone down all the ass-play talk pretty fuckin’ soon, I swear I’m going to keep reading it. KNOCK IT OFF!!! ::shakes head side to side and hand up and down::
My mom hired an assclown for my 6th birthday. He just kept making balloon suppositories.
You visit WWTDD.com? And you’re calling us lame? Real men invade, fuck shit up, but never read.
What’s the difference between a skinhead and a cancer victim?
The skinhead’s not going to die from a horrible, incurable disease.
what do you call a skinhead in university?
a janitor
New up! ….I wish.
how do you stop a skinhead from drowning?
take your foot off his head
JHC can relate. He left that shithole world of WWTDD to come here too.
Aww embiz but I got that puppuy dog beg down pact. I bet I could change your mind…
hey Mighty Feklar, I am amazed at how many n*gger jokes you know. I guess you feel justified altering them to skinhead jokes that make no sense?
Oh no, this is too silly around here now
I dressed as a sad assclown for Halloween one year. No one appreciated the tear drop.
Ugh, Fek, I can’t even do THAT! Sheesh…And Megha is what all of the, ahem, hispanics, called me when I worked at one of their restaurants years and years ago. So maybe you can get pulled over for me, and then we can switch places real quick? ;)
Fine, Vin, you win . You are a master at baiting the commenters.
Nagger jokes?
heh heh eibmoz, you said master and baiting in the same sentence.
viny,
mis directed aggression can lead to erectal disfuction so i’d calm the shit dwon if you wanna keep porkin’ that meth head cum bucket you call a g/f…
catch the drift…NIGGA’
there’s a WebMD article on 365 Nights of Sex and if it’s a good thing.
Here it is: http://tinyurl.com/4v4mvl
–
SS, they just didnt appreciate that you had to spread your cheeks for them to see it
The Mighty Feklahr doesn’t get pulled over. He has photon torpedoes.
Every time an angel get’s it’s wings, the Dow Jones industrial average plunges around 400 points.
That was the point, Masterbaiter
I’d like for everyone to get along, actually. I’m fragile.
::fills 30 newborn sized piss boots and tips the waitress by slapping her on her cellulite ridden ass::
Pass these around, will ya?
Ok, new friends :hugs all around:, I am going to go to lunch. Later, gaters!!
No one should ever be surprised at how many Nigger jokes The Mighty One knows. (He does live in Iowa, after all…)
Piss Booties?
Also, until we get buttons for it, I won’t be using italics as often. Fuck off, I’m lazy, but a great lay. It’s a curse.
thats sounds like and oxymoron to me…lazy/great lay???
No, GPP. Nogger jokes.
One egg knocked the other on the noggin and said, “I’m not getting fuckin drunk this Christmas.”
**stands behind JHC and screams “YEAH!!!!
That worked really well, as you can tell.
Yo, Midwest 3 represent!
How come there aren’t any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don’t work in the future, either.
Vinya-The Mighty Feklahr just realized, you are probably gay for the guy in His avatar, but it actually isn’t Him. :(
It’s His prison boyfriendVince, on the wish list for the New Filmdrunk, how about adding a way to block viewing of comments by confirmed assclowns? Thanks, bossman.
Ok, that was kinda funny, Vin
See MIZ? This is what happens in a world without Jews. You’ve got noobs fighting, people dropping N bombs and me getting no ass. Click the heels of two piss boots together and let’s all go back to Kansas.
MISSSOUL, I’m just sayin’ I can lay there really, really well. I also have Parkinsons, so I’m kinda like a human vibrator. Mike Fox knows what’s up.
3+!
Oh here we go with the gay shit again. Come on out the closet MF, your buddies here at FilmDrunk will still chat with you.
I should get some kind of award for posting that cancer joke this soon after my mother in law dying from it!
*nom ‘represents’ for the MW3, knocks over flask, meth lab explodes*
Thanks a lot fek, now my dick is on fire.
Who’s been giving out the password to our clubhouse. Seriously, guys, my mom is getting pissed about all the juice we’ve been drinking.
ohh burnzilla, every prez has his dry patch…or two..
Vinya-Why do you get so defensive when He points out your obvious homosexuality and lack of penis girth?
Vinhardon, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Tell us how you feel about Zac Effron, Shia LeBeouf and Uwe Boll.
Hey GenePoolPansy, if you don’t like reading my comments then close your account and go elsewhere. I’m sure people in here are tired of looking at your stupid American Idol avatar anyway.
Me and fek are already out of the closet. It’s stuffed so full of skeletons there’s not even any fucking elbow room left.
180+ posts, I get it;
Vin… Vince
Yard… yard duty teacher
It’s fucking VaLince! Kicking the beehive to get his page hits up!
Sneeky fucking dago…
There were Mexicans on Star Trek. Mopping the holodeck, dusting the transporter… You know. All the jobs Ferengi are too good to do.
Tastes a lot like Spotted Owl, but with more WHY!?!? than WHO?
Yeah, GenePoopPusher. We like Vinyard a LOT more than you. Get the fuck out, already.
How can an ankle bracelet…wait, it’s gotta be your bull…..
Wow, I didnt know Ferengi’s were too good for anything!
Boosh!
Hey Vinnyard, see what I did there? Seriously, I was wondering where my fetal twin ran off to. Good to have you home. *fist pound*
Vinyard sounds like an incontinence problem.
** gives props to BK **
I’m getting paid for this.
{rubs crotch vigorously}
dude ive fucked looking mountain goats… eh i was curious.
caption for His avatar: “Hey, baby, want to see my Vinya impression?”
“DDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR uh…no-urrrr!!!! PBBBBT!”
I want to sincerely thank each of you for making me feel so welcome here on my first day. Do it all again tomorrow?
Oh look, almost 200 comments.
S’up fuckers? I’m back. Everybody been getting along OK while I was gone?
You were never gone erswee, you’re always in our hearts. Faggit.
Think of the coke dealers!
kerswil, Did you know Jason Statham is startin up an Oi! band? Blew my fucking mind.
That thread doesn’t work, Al. At least, it didn’t when I tried going to it.
Seriously, are we still stuck in this stupid thread? Where is the Great Thumb of Justice?
I failed to pass my driving test. Apparently, yelling at crossing guards in Farsi and punching a hole in your windshield whenever you see a yellow car is a problem.
I stand corrected. Now it just takes forever to load all the way. You know, I actually had sex with that thread once.
Hey, did you guys know that Jason Statham is going to be in another movie where he plays the same role?
I know! I couldn’t believe it either!
Vinya-Geaux fuck yourself.
We all did, Nom, we all did. And now I don’t know which one of you asshats is the father.
American Idol? You really are new here. What did we expect from someone who names himself Vinyard? Whine, whine whine.
Wow, you miss reading for a few days because of a hurricane and this is what happens? I’m not entirely shocked.
Wassup salad-tossers? Ike treated my weekend like he did Tina!
{pauses vigorous crotch rubbing, looks at clock}
3 3/4 more hrs of this? Life’s unfair.
{resumes}
Burnsy, if you think that “let’s all go back to Kansas” line is going to work on me again, you can fucking forget it. You assholes still haven’t replaced my air mattress.
Damn, after all the racially insensitive shit I’ve written, this fight breaks out in a fictional Jason Statham post? I got about 130 comments in before my eyeballs imploded.
I hear some of you had trouble reading it. Sorry. It’s supposed to be muthafuckin’ phonetic and shit. And meant to be read in a ridiculous accent. The apostrophes stand for missing letters in words. But not always. Fuck, I guess it is pretty hard to read. Come to my house and I’ll do the accent for you.
Salads tossed here
Also, A2M happens
A lot
WWRD, I read despite the hurricane. How do I connect to the internet without electricity? Why, I’m from the future of course. Can you direct me to John Conner?
Did they just suddenly turn the intertubes back down Texas way o que?
address please.
FD hazing if you survive your the shit and vince will let you fuck his mamma(only one at a time)… if you dont, well we dont talk about those pussies.
That doesn’t answer my question, Vance. Do you, or do you not, currently have a shirt on? Cuz in my mind, you’re totally nekkid.
BK, I’m not quite in the hurricane zone. I had asshole relatives from Houston decide to visit (hide) at the house, and I had to pretend to give a shit about their lives. Yeah, I’m like the ideal family member.
JESUS CHRIST I wish everyone would use proper fucking English and grammar in here.
Vince, the New FilmDrunk is pretty difficult to navigate as it is. Any chance you could incorporate one of those online IQ tests? Might solve a little trouble here of late.
{fires up BTK van}
We going to VaLince’s?
Also;
I have no fucking idea what my last post was about either.
Come to my house and I’ll do the accent for you.
…
You realize you will have to lift the restraining order on Him first, right?
Anybody else see the word “OBEY” under Vince’s thumb?
UFC from Omaha tonight on Spike, bitches! I won’t be there though. I’ll be watching it on the television in intervals when I come up for air from your mom’s snootch.
I don’t even own shirts. Actually I’m holding my cock right now and am making a forlorn baby deer face with my head tilted to the side all sympathetic like. Come to think of it, it’s pretty fuckin gross.
Dear WWRD: I don’t think Ohio is in the “hurricane zone” either (is it like the “danger zone”? is there a highway we can take?) but I still don’t have electricity. And neither does Jacktion!, but he’s not a killer robot from the future like me so he can sit in the dark with spoiled food and no tv. KILLER ROBOTS WIN AGAIN! /end transmission
Vince, the New FilmDrunk is pretty difficult to navigate as it is. Any chance you could incorporate one of those online IQ tests? Might solve a little trouble here of late.
*sniffle* I know when I’m not wanted!
Vince, that forlorn baby deer face you’re making… that latex or butter sculpture? Any plans for it when you’re done? Just curious.
They’re gonna remake Red Dawn?!?
Wolverines!!!!
Ghostbusters 3?!?!
FTW?!
Wow, you fags have really been fagging it up in here today.
Fags.
ROBOTS and BUTTER SCULPTURES in one thread???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
fek, what have I told you about not saying anything for at least 17 comments after anyone uses the letter’s “I” and “Q” in the same sentence?
And assCLOWNS.
Hey, it worked!
*Warns self not to make next comment*
aww poor bambi, vince but your hands up and step away from the farm/wild animal..you know you cant keep it in your pants why tempt fate??
When The Mighty Feklahr read the Statham interview, it sounded like Yahoo Serious talking into a fan in His head.
*Steps into time machine*
Online IQ tests? I saw an ad for one of those which posited Paris Hilton’s (14, probably) and wondered if i could beat it. By not clicking on the ad, i did.
Eibmoz said:
‘Salads tossed here
Also, A2M happens
A lot’
This sounds a lot like the church lock-ins I used to go to.
I heard the B-52′s “Loveshack” yesterday and sang, “Forshhak! Baby forshhak!” and laughed at myself.
Vacant self-image :(
Thanks, C-Dog. Now I will too.
You’re WHAT?!
Gah Durchfall… QAPLAH!
Dammit, Diremutt, now that is stuck in my head and Im laughing like a fool
OH, by the way, Erswi, I am not a fag. Sometimes lesbian.
*deep in space, loud rumbling belly laughter is heard*
<—- You guys need one. All of you.
Eibz – call me.
Anyone smack your ass yet today Eibz?
**slap**
*slap*
how naughty!
Look, fools, this should only be done by trained professionals.
*tries to slap Eib on the ass*
*misses and hits the table full of Star Wars toys*
*Eib tenderly removes embedded AT-AT from my eye socket*
*making of sweet love commences*
Awww yeah. Nerd love, what what.
Butter farts.
Everyone’s a kotal/
Everyones a duras baby!
Qovlpath little forshak/
tahqeq fucking forshak ya!
[channels Pauly]
*batin’
*master…?
MISS if you keep changing your avis that fast you’re gonna give me a siezure.
Oh BK, I love you
just close your eyes and pretend its a “Strawberry Jacuzi”
Crappy, I’m just happy we’re all finally SFW. BTK, if you keep offering me that beer, I’m gonna take it you know.
Also, how did you get into my house?
By “take it”, do you mean take it, or take it?
Either way, I’m not gonna stop flicking the head of my dick.
{peers in window at PFC games}
Also, how did you get into my house?
Didn’t we already establish I’m a robot from the future? I’m equipped with LockPicking Software v 3.0
I see Soulja Boy’s been copying my style again.
Oh man, sorry about all this Burnsy. I will promise to do better in the future.
And I’m sorry I caused all that cancer.
Thanks, KITH.
KITH is a 70s metal cover band started by those with facial deformities and speech problems
What?!
HA. I just now got it. Guess who gets a nom?
KITH MY BLACK ATH!
Ooh! Ooooh! I know!
{waves hand wildly}
I know!
How are ya Crappy? Keeping at least 1 one ground?
one = on the
WOW it really dies in here after dark, huh boys?
Hell ya. Found out the bike will float the front tire at 120mph on hrosepower alone, no clutch. Absurd.
where teh fuck is everyone at?
Ya MISS, as 5 o’clock sweeps across the country and people head home it get sparse fast.
*rolls in old cart wearing dusty robes; turns on Buster Pointdexter’s ‘Hot Hot Hot’, throws off robes to reveal a Carmen Miranda-like dress, puts on fruit hat*
Who wants to buy a Tumbleweed? Get ‘em while they’re hot hot hot!
well home is not yet on the horizon for us westies so
WAKE THE FUCK UP BITCHES!!!
**shakes first person she sees vigorously**
Right on, right on. Plus, ownership has never been easier to pass off as just being “good for the MPG.” Suck on it, hippies.
DUBS!!
Seems several of the midwest folk are without power, and Pauly died, or something.
I shot the sherif…
That’s what I keep telling people. That bike is me going green for mother earth. 40mpg at 90mph. Fuck you Prius!
oh I mean pauly’s not so dangerously any more…let that be a warning to ya’s
diremutt, i do not know who you are kind sir, nor wish to be informed of your biographical tales of mischief and squander, however, i shall inform thee of a certain legislation that passed in 1712.
i bet the prius can kick your ass in a knife fight though.
AHAHA!!! Some local cop was trying to direct traffic and was getting pestered by some Pakistani trying to get back into Galveston and he told him to “Go back to India!” All caught by the local news crew. Funny shit
el topo, racism is frowned upon here at filmdrunk, so keep that shit to yourself, faggot.
Dubs, anytime you bring a car to a knife fight you win. Even if that car takes 4 minutes to go from 0-60. You can still hurt someone’s knees if you run in to them going 15MPH. Plus — the doors have locks, no?
man, the HATE sure is flowing here at FD today….fucking economic barriers
A Prius has locks like a white guy has dance moves.
The Prius is the daschaund of the car world.
Fun Fact: The name “Prius” comes from the English phrase “Pry Us.” As in “Help, pry us out from under this 18 wheeler!”
**John Wayne in a Devo Hat reads 288 comments, dips balls in sweet cream, squats in room full of kittens and begins writing script for neo nazi musical “American Idol History X”.
Misssoultaker sounds like an incontinence problem.
al, i dont even have the slightest idea wtf that means, but it sounds awesome. i literally just punched the paraplegic next to me to show him how excited i am.
by ‘punch’ i mean i wrote him little notes saying, ‘you cant walk’,'standing up must be a bitch’,'i bet you i can beat you in a foot race’
*puts on night-vision goggles, stands in Vince’s shower*
DO THE ACCENT!
‘does it still work?’
‘i’m siphoning the electricity out of your wheelchair’
‘if you aint white, you aint right’
aw Al and here I thought you loved me *wink wink*
Think again. Donkey has my heart.
You can keep it, but give me back at least one of my kidneys, s’il vous plait
*sticks Al’s heart in a tumbleweed*
This one’s not for sale!
“Well I guess we’ll see who’s butt buddies with who around here.”
That would be everybody. FilmDrunkards are tighter than 3 month old midget pussy.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurst!!
{wakes up lifts head off of desk, types {wakes up lifts head off of desk, types {wakes up lifts head off of desk, types {wakes up lifts head…}
{pupils dialate, eyes glaze, head drops to desk with blood seeping from ears.}
Dubs, it is I, Craptastic/basket. Uproxx ate my account.
I just read all this stuff, and suddenly realized that you all are a bunch of loser faggits. I can’t believe I ever hung out with you all. Next time you see me, I’ll be giving you a weird sarcastic look while raising an eyebrow and whispering into one of the popular girls’ ears, then me and her will look at you and laugh. I have realistic goals.
Nom, I am so going to cry, you bastard!!!
There there Eibz. I’ll hold you. And rub on your pinks parts, if that’ll help.
Okay, everyone, I just went out to try and have one of these “lives” “offline” as some have put it. I am back with a report: They don’t have electricity, there are trees limbs everywhere, and the grocery stores are just packed full of people buying batteries and ice. NO ONE wanted to talk about Star Wars with me and people were totally pissed about something called “the price of gas.”
…If y’all don’t mind, I’ll just stay in here.
Holy shit. I really struck a nerve with this community.
*Scoots over, dusts off seat, slides thumbtack into seat*
This one’s open!
Yes, you are the catalyst! Rejoice, everything is about you!
Thanks, DireCrap MuttBasket.
Well, if no one wants my moment by moment Hurricane Ike updates, I’m gonna take my ball and go home.
Is it just me or does keyHo’s caveman avi kinda have a gheyish limp wristed thing going on?
Dang, anyone got a flashlight? It’s hard to find the way home with no streetlights.
Just flick the nips a few times Beeks and you’ll have a coupla headlights.
They need to do way instain mother (so I can get with daddy)
Well, he *is* a thespian.
Damn you, page reload!
Because of voluntary self-induced brain damage I have no idea what Donk just said.
He’s explaining how babby is formed, Crap.
C-Dog this should explain.
AND, for the millionth time, GET A FB ACCOUNT!
Forget it, Al. I don’t want him to join in our reindeer games now. He’ll fuck with Rudolph and throw up magic oats all over the stables.
THESE PRETZELS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY!!
I don’t think he’s hungover anymore Beek, and he can’t be any worse than Erswi crying all the time or Bex and Pauly constantly trying to steal our shit.
** Looks up, sees Bex **
Oh shit.
Is everyone okay? I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that these bastards could disrupt the funny!
Walter, what the fuck was that shit about Vietnam, man?
I’m calmer than you are.
In previously related news,…
shit where did I put it?
*fumbles papers around, shifts candy wrappers over*
where in the hell? Ah.
I thought Darth Race could have been better, who decided a floppy eared CGI character was a good idea?
Oh and we’re back!
Fuck it Dude, lets go bowling.
Here, sweetie, let me make your joke better. We’ll take out all the words and put in new words:
Darth Race was cool until the Millennium Falcon showed up. Who knew the ship that made the Kessel Run could also make the trench run? Cheating rebel scum.
Every time I refresh it throws me to the top of the page now, and for some reason Jason Statham keeps getting hotter, waffle-iron burn or not.
Mmmmmm, waffles….. aaaaaahghhaghgha…
Awesome Beek. You might have tipped your Star Wars hand a bit too much though…
Nazareth Race would have been a lot better if they didn’t add so much extra weight to the competitors. I mean, yes, I get that we all have our crosses to bear, but did they really have to make the racers bear them literally?
Yeah, and it only takes sniper like precision to grab the tiny sidebar and scroll down for a few minutes. I miss the old page breaks.
What, as opposed to tipping my Lebowski hand? Those are my only two hands. The joke wasn’t much funnier but at least I referenced my specific knowledge of Episode IV, and that’s enough to get the nerds up out of their seats. Not for long, of course, or they’d have to reach for their inhalers.
“But mom, I don’t want to go to FilmDrunk tomorrow.”
“Why not sweetie?”
“Because some people were mean today, and, and, and Vince is going to be mad tomorrow.”
“Shut up dear and go make mommy her bourbon.”
*reaches for inhaler*
I’m not getting out of my fucking seat again, Beek. Last time I did, it got stolen by a Twilight fan.
All you gotta do with the Twilight fan is let them know you saw their mom out in the parking lot waiting for them and she looks pissed.
Nah, its a good hand to have BK Knights. If only you could type it as Kevin Spacey imitating Christopher Walken auditioning for Han Solo. Perfection!
Unrelated, the OnDemand Burn After Peeing sneak peek is awesome. Doesn’t give away much of anything, and now I can’t wait to throw money at it.
I miss tv. And light bulbs. And being able to open the garage at all.
So you really are from the future? And Obama’s president?
Nope, McCain all the way. That’s okay though. Existence as you know it ends on March 17th, 2011 anyway. (The Mayans hate the Irish.)
I’m surprised no one brought up the fact that Vinyard was raped in the movie. So I have to do it…
Hey dick! Go get raped!
*looks for a high-five*
High-Five for Vintard ass-rape.
Seriously, though. Here’s my advice to you new fuckers:
Choose and upload a non-repulsive avatar before posting. Wait for it to appear in your logged in section. When you first start commenting, choose wisely and choose funny. Be self-deprecating and lurk long enough to realize who the backbone of this site is and give them respect. Preview your comments for spelling, punctuation and capitalization or you are going to look like a moron. You can cut corners later, but when you’re new we don’t yet know if you are one of our kind of idiots.
Or not. Try it your way. I don’t give a shit. I love a fight. And I’m smarter than you (except for you guys).
Memo
To: Vince
From: Al
Please add GenePoolParty’s 10:47 comment to the list of items on the next FD strategic planning meeting and consider incorporating it verbatim into the Mission Statement.
here here
*raises pissboot towards nePo*
I’d agree with Gene Pool if his avatar wasn’t trying to eye fuck me so hard. Ahh what the hell, the kid’s got Moxy (stripper in his trunk, and we like that).
Hey Michelle – we’re at the CKT if you’re
hornyboredhorny.Oh my god, you all took that seriously? Fuck, I thought it was implied that I was saying that to get into her good graces. I got a trophy for ya’ll! Here, smell this *pulls dick out of zipper*. I fucked Marissa Blanco….in her ass! Kinda. She pushed me off. But she let me try to get in in there. Slowly my ass, bitch.
WHO HAS THE METH!?
*Salutes NePoo*
We coulda used more men like you back in ‘Nam. By the way, you need a toe?